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Melrose Place
[Crash Scene] Ryan rushes to the Terry's car, which has just kissed a telephone pole. Apparently, Terry was trying to teach Sarah the importance of wearing one's seat belt. Ryan tries to rescue Terry first, but she screams for him to get Sarah out, just like when his wife, Cally, told him to rescue their daughter first in the accident that resulted in his wife's death. Are we, the viewers, surprised at the similarities in storylines? Ha! This is nothing compared to what's coming on later in the show... Ryan looks around and happens to find a 4x4 piece of wood lying conveniently next to the car, so he uses it to smash the rear passenger window and rescues Sarah. By now, Kyle and Megan arrive and they comfort the child, while Ryan goes back for Terry. He pulls her from the wreckage and brings her to safety, moments before this car explodes, again, just like in his last accident 8 yrs ago. Everyone is safe. Still, Terry is crying hysterically like a blabbering fool, quickly becoming so irritating that I find myself wishing maybe Ryan hadn't saved her in time, the car blowing up with her still inside, suffering the same fate as her sister did.
[Bel Air Park Hotel, Bungalow 27] Peter apologizes to Amanda for bringing up the whole Damarr boy killing thing. But Amanda, guilty of stretching out storyline after storyline this season, finally admits she was the one to polish off Kent. She explains that Eve pushed Kent, as well as tossed him in the ditch while she ran away. Only she discovered, half way home, that she had lost her bracelet and that it was still in Kent's hand. So she returned to the scene to get it. When she did, Kent grabbed her, so she hit him, killing him. Peter tries to comfort her, saying, "It was self-defense. He grabbed your bracelet." "That's what I told my mother" Amanda continues. "I told her the whole story and she swore me to never tell anyone." Apparently, Amanda's mom was good friends with Mrs. Damarr, and if news like this got out, it would've simply ruined bridge night. Peter finally understands, saying "So you would visit Eve in prison every month out of guilt, as well as to see if she remembered anything. And now she has." But just as someone comes on the line, Eve takes a pepper grinder and whacks Lexi on the back of her head, sending Lexi to the floor. "Thanks. Thanks for your effort. But I'll take it from here." Well, Melrose did promise the return of an old character, so I guess it's Kimberly, who returns and enters Eve's soul. So Eve has become the full-fledged psycho on a murderous rampage. Let's just hope she doesn't decide to blow up the building next. Hmm, two scenes, two rehashed storylines. I'm almost beginning to appreciate that the episode is only 1 hr long...
[Eve's Apt] Eve and Lexi return from Oakhurst, after Eve has finally remembered everything. Lexi tells Eve that they have enough info to put Amanda away for good but that they need someone for Eve to give her statement to. Lexi glances at the clock and notices it's 5:20 pm, so she grabs the phone to call 4-1-1 for the number to the D.A.'s office, commenting that someone should still be there. Hello? This is a government job. Even if they were still there (fat chance), she'd most likely get a busy signal.
[Lexi's Apt] Opens with music by Sarah McLachlan. Michael knocks on Lexi's door, but hears Eve voice instead, telling him to enter. Eve informs Michael that she's taking care of the place, namely feeding Lexi's fish, while Lexi's away, gone on a sudden business trip to close a deal. Michael is a bit suspicious that Lexi would take time off from her prime obsession, namely using Eve to destroy Amanda He admits to Eve that his concern is that Lexi is doing all this just so she can get Peter back. Eve tells Michael he has nothing to be worried about, that Lexi is still crazy about him, and that she realized she all this stuff about Amanda being the killer was some wacky idea she dreamed up. Michael, noticing Eve is still shaking food into the aquarium comments, "Hey, you better go easy on that fish food. You overfeed them, they die." "Oops! Eve exclaims, not realizing she almost killed the poor creatures. Then Eve heads back to her apt.
[Eve's Apt] Eve goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth as well as to talk to Lexi, who is bound and gagged in Eve's bathtub. Eve warns Lexi to stop squirming unless she wants to get soap scum all over her back. Eve then announces her plans -- to kill Peter and Amanda. Right, the same woman who gasped when she almost killed a couple of tropical fish, now plans to kill a couple of "sharks?"
[Wilshire Memorial] Sarah and Terry check out fine, except for Terry's sore knees. "I can still go to the wedding reception, right?" Sarah asks, despite the fact it's being held at a bar. Terry apologizes for being a lunatic. Terry adds that she now understands that what Cally meant when she yelled for Ryan to "Take Sarah," as she was strapped in the car that fiery night, was for Ryan to raise Sarah. Megan and Ryan accept her apology and all are happy. Loose end #1 tied up. Ryan puts his arms around both fine ladies and they exit, as Kyle watches from afar. He smiles, thinking he was once a stud like that. Then Jane arrives and gives Kyle a big hug. Kyle tells her he's been thinking, which makes it twice this month, and that they shouldn't rush into things. So Jane figures, this is the perfect time to break the news that she's pregnant. She tells Kyle she has an appt to see a doctor in a couple of minutes, and if he's sure he wants this baby. He says he is. She asks again, is he sure? Which makes me concerned -- just what sort of doctor does Jane have an appointment with, anyway? In yet another wing of the hospital, Michael and Peter are wandering down the hall, Michael informing Peter that Shulman is investigating the embezzled Children's fund again, which was Michael's doing, but Peter's cover-up. Michael adds that Shulman is out specifically to get Peter, and unfortunately, all the records are on Peter's hard drive. "That's because I've been covering up for you, Michael" Peter shouts. As they approach Peter's office, two men exit, hands full. "Hey, that's my computer! What's going on here?" Peter yells again. The fatter man says, "We're confiscating it. We're taking it to the D.A.'s office. The warrant's in my pocket." See, that's the problem with the iMac. It may be a snap to bring home and set-up, but it's just as easy to pack up and take to the D.A.'s as evidence! (You'll never see that sort of commercial from Apple.) Then Eve happens along so Peter grabs her and drags her into his office. He insists she tell him what the story is behind her recent accusations about Amanda, stemming from her repressed memory. Eve tells Peter she had a few wacky dreams, caused by transforming her jealousy into fantasy. She apologizes for causing any trouble, saying she finally had an epiphany and that she's finally over Peter and Amanda. She plants a kiss on his cheek, leaving a lipstick imprint that would make even Taylor proud. Then we cut to yet another hospital room. This time, it's Jane and her doctor. Luckily, this doctor isn't the kind that carries a coat hanger around with her, and instead, she tells Jane the baby will be due Nov. 25th. This doesn't really have much significance, considering pregnancies NEVER take 9 months on this show. Still, Jane does the math and realizes she's been pregnant for about 2-1/2 months already. Which makes me wonder why she waited until just last week to administer a home pregnancy test. Oh wait, it's Jane I'm talking about. Never mind.
[Upstairs] The bar is closed for a private party, i.e., Ryan and Megan's wedding reception. Eve approaches Amanda and Peter, confirming that Peter told Amanda that Eve admits her accusations were simply harmless dreams. After Eve leaves, Amanda and Peter note that Eve's comments weren't too reassuring. Then Kyle makes an announcement over the P.A. that Jane's obesity is because she is having a baby. Jane says, "Oh, just perfect," insinuating it's just the type of statement a McBride would make. Kyle continues by announcing their marriage plans, inviting everyone at the party. "Well, they sure move fast" Peter comments. Amanda, upon hearing the news, is taken aback, and she excuses herself briefly. Megan watches as Jane runs out of the room. Megan follows Jane into ladies room and asks what's up. Jane tells Megan that the baby is actually Michael's, not Kyle's. Megan asks what Jane's going to do. Jane calmly replies, "I'm just going to have to deal with it. I'm going to write him a note and then run away." If you only learn one lesson from this show, let this be it. Megan hugs her, showing she agrees, and promises not to tell a soul. The two find they can't stand the smell in there any longer, so they leave. And no wonder, there's someone in one of the stalls, who failed to give a "courtesy flush." And that someone just happens to be Amanda.
[Kyle's Dream House] Amanda finds Kyle hanging out at his house, which looks like it hasn't been worked on for weeks. Still, Kyle is busy hanging a baby mobile from one of the rafters. Kyle notices Amanda is disturbed and asks her what's wrong. "It's that telephony thing between two people" Kyle explains. Amanda tells Kyle that Jane's leaving town without a word, that she's planning on sending Kyle a Dear-John letter. Kyle can only shake his head, obviously wondering who this John character is? Amanda tells Kyle if he hurries he can still catch her. Kyle still can't understand, considering Jane's having his baby. So Amanda tells him Jane is 2-1/2 months pregnant with Michael's baby, or the church painter guy's, or the neighbor down the beach, or... you can stop me anytime. Thank you.
[Wilshire Memorial] Peter finds a bevy of snoopers going through his office, with Shulman overseeing the only operation that hasn't resulted in death at this hospital. The cop, a white detective named Tillis, hands Peter the search warrants and explains he's from the "White Collar Crimes Division" of the LAPD. Just the fact that there's even a division by this name sounds like a crime, albeit a "blue" collar one, to me. The cop tells Peter they've found evidence on his hard drive to suggest misappropriation and embezzlement so not to leave town. Before Dr. Shulman leaves, she says to Peter, "You're thinking, 'How could this be happening to me? I've got the money, I've got the girl. Where's my happy ending?' Well, here's my theory on that -- Live like a rat... die like a rat."
[Jane's Apt] Kyle catches Jane just as she's about to run away. Whatever would become of her beach house never occurred to her, proving conclusively, that these two are made for each other. Kyle tells her he knows it's not his baby, but he wants it all the same. "You make it sound so simple" says Jane, which is always the case for simple minds.
[Lexi's Apt] Michael lets himself into Lexi's apt and sees the back someone he thinks is Lexi, only it's Eve in a red-headed wig, and Lexi's clothes that somehow have changed size so that it fits her perfectly. Michael can barely control himself, and like a scene from Red Riding Hood gone berserk, Michael approaches an awaiting wolf in Lexi's clothing. As Michael starts nibbling at the nape of her neck (hmm, maybe I got the role of the wolf mixed up), Eve grabs a statuette (available at the Amazon.com auction, of course) off a nearby table and whacks Michael over the head. "Idiot!" she says, just in case we didn't know already.
[Kyle's the Restaurant] Peter and Amanda are dancing, arm-in-arm. "You're scared, aren't you?" Amanda asks. Peter replies, "I don't want to be away from you. And I hate squealing like a pig." Amanda quips that it's too bad they don't have co-ed jails, figuring they'll both be behind bars soon. When they figure they'll be in the slammer for awhile, Peter gets the idea he should grab a bunch of cash and the two of them skip town. Again, when in doubt, run, that's the message here. Suddenly, there's a screeching of tires, and a car bolts at them. Peter grabs Amanda and they tumble out of harm's way. "That was Lexi's car" Amanda exclaims. A woman comes over saying she witnessed the whole thing and called 9-1-1. Peter can't believe that now they have Lexi trying to kill them as well. Amanda adds, "And you thought things couldn't get any worse." Obviously, she's not including the writing when she makes that statement.
[Eve's Apt] Lexi and Michael escape from Eve's tub, and Lexi explains that Eve's been telling her story about wacko dreams just to throw everyone off track, and that her real intentions are to kill Peter and Amanda. Despite all the gags, ropes, and other paraphernalia, the two restrain from having a good round of S&M. Instead, they run back to Lexi's apt where she calls the cops to report a "lunatic on the loose." Seconds later, the cops arrive. Only they're there to arrest Lexi for the attempted murder of Peter and Amanda. Michael defends Lexi and gets arrested as well.
[Police Station] Amanda is giving a statement to the police about Lexi when Lexi and Michael are dragged in. Lexi and Michael say they couldn't have tried murdering Amanda and Peter since they've been tied up in Eve's bathroom all episode. Amanda and Peter laugh, then say they're lying. Speaking of lies, Lexi tells them that Eve is the one lying, that she's just saying that everything was a dream. Amanda, caught up in the moment, decides it's the time to admit that she's been lying as well, and was the one who actually killed Kent. The cop aks Amanda if she's confessing to the murder of Kent Damarrs, whoever that is. Amanda says yes, causing the cop and his assistant to groan, knowing now they're going to have to fill out yet another report in triplicate. Oh, the humanity.
[Wilshire Memorial] Visconti goes to his office, only to find Peter hiding there in the dark. Peter instructs Visconti to enter and lock the door. Peter explains that Amanda admitted to Damarr's murder, but hasn't been formerly charged pending an investigation. Visconti is shocked, shocked that his hypnosis actually worked and that Eve was telling the truth. Peter then informs Visconti that Eve tried to kill him, and asks if he knows where she is. Visconti swears he doesn't and apologizes for the mess that's occurred. Peter opens up his little black bag which is full of cash, and hands a couple wads to Visconti, telling him he needs to rent his cabin. Lou foregoes the cash, hands Peter the keys, and says, "Take them. If anyone asks, I'll say they were stolen." I'm sure that'll help Peter's case.
[Kyle's Dream House] Amanda and Kyle are back at the framework Kyle calls a home. Funny, but I just noticed a blue-walled home has gone up next to Kyle's, all the while Kyle's has stayed pretty much the same. Kyle tells Amanda he's going to raise the baby, and other than her, no one will know, so she has to promise not to tell Michael. He asks her what she's going to do about the Damarr case, so she explains that she's lived 8 of her lives, and only has 1 left. Kyle asks how long before Peter makes Amanda remove the locket he gave her. Amanda replies, "When you have a daughter. It'll be my gift to the baby. And if you have a boy, I'll send a baseball glove." I guess Amanda never knew Kyle's favorite sport is actually "basketball," and I use the term loosely. They say their good-bye's.
[MP Courtyard] Lexi is caught actually swimming in the Melrose pool, when Michael arrives home with a judge named Hernandez, along with Visconti. Apparently, the wardrobe staff must've already started packing away the clothing for the show, as Lexi has found herself clad in little more than bras and panties the entire episode. Michael tells Lexi that he ran into Hernandez in out-patient care at the hospital, who will perform the wedding ceremony. Visconti is there as witness. All 3 men jump into the pool. But Lexi says she can't go through with the wedding, saying she'd only be unfaithful to Michael a couple months down the road. She leaves Michael all wet.
[Visconti's Cabin] Peter and Amanda share a warm fire at the cabin. Their last night in the States. They toast their new life together. Peter tells Amanda not to worry, that everything will go as planned. Peter asks, "We love each other, right? I mean, that's why we're here." Yeah, either that or they love not having to go to jail. But then they kiss, so it must be the former.
[Michael's Apt] There's a knock at the door and Michael answers it wearing just a towel. It's the cops accompanied by Dr. Shulman, hot on Peter's trail, hot in LAPD's definition meaning they've actually discovered that Peter lived here at the apt complex. Before the cops can asks any questions, Dr. Visconti "comes out of the bedroom," wearing a satin robe. "Louis?" Shulman asks, caught off guard. "Irene?" Visconti answers. "I don't understand. You're gay?" Shulman asks. No, Irene, you're mixing coming out of the bedroom with coming out of the closet. Michael tells them to check the Bel Air Park Hotel, which is good enough for the cops and they start to leave, but then Shulman notices something funny about Visconti. She pries him by saying "Louis, out with it" a couple of times, causing Visconti to cave in and say "Okay, I know where they are."
[Visconti's Cabin] The cops pull up and say the line, "Let's lock and load." They're ready to attack from front and back. But Michael convinces them he can talk them out peacefully, if they give him the chance. The cops tell Michael he's got 2 minutes, not a second more. Michael approaches the cabin, but as he does, it suddenly blows up, an explosion so intense that it put Kimberly's apt bombing to shame.
[Jane's Beach House] Michael shows with bad news, saying he thought it better he told them in person before they read it in a newspaper. Then he hands them a newspaper, showing Peter and Amanda's photos on the front page with the caption "Couple Die in Explosion." Michael explains that it was a propane explosion and how dental records were required to identify the bodies. Still, amazingly enough, Amanda's drivers license, earrings, and a watch survived the blast, and Michael hands them over to Kyle in a Ziploc bag. Kyle has a moment of grief, asks if Michael found a locket. Michael answers that he didn't see one. Michael adds that the funeral is today, at Malibu State Park, that Amanda had requested that her ashes, whatever little amount they were able to sweep up from the cabin floor, be scattered over the Pacific.
[Malibu State Park] The funeral has a tacky poster-sized photo of Amanda and Peter hugging, its origins unknown, on an easel. The time has come where anybody who has a word or two to say about the dearly departed can come up to the podium. Kyle is first. He says he saw Amanda yesterday and she was happy. He continues with the eulogy, actually using the word "bitchy" to describe her, and ends it with "I will never forget you, Amanda." Then Visconti stands, about to come forward, when suddenly Eve appears, dropping the black trench coat she was wearing, and heads up to the podium wearing her cheerleader outfit. She starts talking smack about Amanda and Peter, saying "What can you say about a woman who let me spend 15 years in prison for something she did? She stole my life, my boyfriend, my husband. Oh, and about that husband, boy, did he turn out to be a sick simpering lapdog, or what? .Oh, you can all pretend to be sad. But me? Hell, I am thrilled. May they both... rot in hell. This causes Lexi to stand in protest, telling Eve that's enough. As Lexi approaches Eve, Eve says, "Lexi, you always wanted Peter all over you." She grabs the urn. "Well, here he is. He's all over you now." With that, Eve takes Peter's ashes and dumps them over Lexi's head and shoulders. The cops, who are also at the funeral, jump up and cart Eve away as she yells, "I'm a cheerleader! I'm a cheerleader! I'm a cheerleader!"
[Wilshire Memorial] Michael informs Dr. Shulman that he is now chief-of-staff, causing her to grind her teeth. It seems it was in Peter's will. Michael and Amy move his stuff into Peter's vacant office. Amy finds a penny and tells Michael it's good luck and for him to make a wish. He does. Nothing happens. He sighs. But then, the door opens, a voluptuous blonde named Ingrid appears, with the worst Swedish accent I've ever heard in my life (but one look at her, and who's listening?), and she informs Michael she's his personal assistant, from the physical therapy ward. She sits on the chief's staff and take some dick-tation. Michael says, "Something's come up..." then rambles something about taking an extended leave of absence, inviting Ingrid with him. Ingrid warns Michael she's expensive, but Michael smiles and says, "Don't worry. I've come across a large sum of money." "Oh, in that case..." Ingrid coos, and she starts licking and sucking Michael's neck. "Oh, it's good to be Chief-of-Staff" Michael declares.
[Police Station] Eve, curled up in the corner of a cell, is approached by a female prostitute who starts playing with Eve's pigtails as she says, "You know, I used to be a cheerleader, too." Eve, who's makeup now makes her look like a clown, says, "Really? 'Cause I've always relied on the kindness of cheerleaders..." Jeesh, if Matt had only known what went on behind bars. He would've gotten himself thrown in the slammer years ago!
[Jane's Beach House] Jane is on the phone with her mom telling her that she's expecting a girl. Kyle arrives home holding the locket from Amanda, which he tells Jane arrived in an envelope, no note. He recounts his conversation with Amanda, and Jane says, "But we just found out it's a girl only an hour ago." Kyle adds, "Yeah, AFTER the funeral." "Well, I'm sure there's some explanation." Jane adds, although there's ever been an explanation for all the other ridiculous happenings on this show, why start now? Kyle steps out onto the veranda and stares off into the ocean, smiles, and says, "Ohhh."
[Somewhere in the South Pacific] Amanda and Peter get married by some heavy-set Samoan. Peter and Amanda talk about the million dollars they paid Michael to help set up their deaths should keep him quiet. Peter mentions getting a couple charred cadavers, switching dental charts, etc. Then Peter tells Amanda, in order not to get bored, they should start having babies right away, saying "I already got the names picked out. Got a Billy and an Alison. Got a Matt, Jake, a Jane, and a Kyle. Maybe even a Michael." Amanda adds, "Just no Kimberly though. Promise?" Peter promises. Then the two walk off into the sunset. (See the final scene in RealVideo)
[To Be Continued...but only in our dreams! So long, Melrose Place.]
Editor's note: Just because the show's ending, doesn't mean this site will. Please visit in the future and check out more craziness than even Eve could shake a stick at! Last Modified May 25, 1999 |
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