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Melrose Place
Previous Scenes - The crackerjack staff producing this show don't limit bloopers to the main episode, they even insert them in their "Previously, on Melrose Place" scenes! This week, they show the scene at the beach house when Kyle and Jane were about to kiss when they got interrupted... only this time you hear the doorbell ring and Jane gets up to answer it! And I bet you remembered them getting interrupted by a phone rang... ;-)
[Megan's Apt] Megan and Michael stand dumbfounded as Sarah arrives at their doorstep from NY. Sarah might be a tot, but she has all the sarcasm of an adult, as she says to Michael, "Didn't I see you before. Wherrrre's your collar, faaaather?" Megan introduces herself as the other Megan. Sarah explains that she's looking for the other Megan, the one who showed up with "father" Michael.
[St. Agnes Boarding School] Terry is busy blaming Ryan for Sarah's disappearance. If you take away only one lesson from this show, please, I hope it's how to blame others for your problems. Lexi's cell phone rings. Michael tells her Sarah is in California. Lexi announces, "Ryan, I've found Sarah" Ryan grabs the phone from Lexi and Michael hands the receiver to Sarah, and they have an AT&T moment. Ryan instructs Megan to take Sarah over to Kyle's. Megan says, "Right." Megan bites her lip. Is Ryan referring to the club, or the beach house? Oh, poor blonde Megan. Ryan hangs up, then says to Terry, "One of the reasons I came out was to find out if Sarah does belong here." Terry asks, "Are threatening a custody battle?" Ryan, who's had a tough enough time memorizing his lines, let alone understanding what they meant, suddenly realizes what he just said, and replies "I guess I am?"
[Jane's Beach House] Amanda arrives "home" only to find Kyle and Jane making up the sofa bed. "There had better be a good explanation for this" she says. Kyle unveils baby Sarah, and says, "Meet aunt Amanda." Kyle starts to tuck Sarah into bed when Jane volunteers to finish up. But Sarah says, "Daddy always says my prayers with me," tugging onto Kyle's arm. So Kyle stays at her bedside a moment longer. Again, like a seasoned adult actor, the lines roll off of Sarah's tongue like spit. Unfortunately, for Kyle it's a different case, as he mumbles and struggles through the prayer, as though he forgot almost all of his lines. He even stares blankly off camera, hoping someone will whisper his part, to no avail. Amanda watches from the shadows, as if wondering whether they should be so cruel as to bring another McBride into the world.
[Peter & Eve's Apt] The scene starts with a shot from outside the apt, and I'm safe to report, the regular Pool Boy is back at work. Inside, Peter lets Eve know he's upset at her excessive hours at the club. Eve tries to comfort Peter, explaining that she's "entertaining" Tony Marlin, that Amanda ordered her to make sure Tony "had a good time..." I'm sure Peter feels much better now, but just to be sure, Eve adds, "After all, I am Amanda's personal entertainment consultant." Peter warns Eve that Amanda tends to use people, then shows Eve the tickets he got for Hawaii, causing Eve to show Peter just why they call her a "specialist."
[MP Courtyard] Megan catches Michael in the courtyard, demanding to know what he and Lexi have been up to. So Michael spills the beans, saying Lexi has been snooping into Ryan's past. Megan suddenly realizes why Ryan slept with Lexi, that it was for her and Sarah's benefit. She finally understands, and is so happy that Ryan has been sleeping with Lexi. "It means he loves me" she conveys by the smile on her face. "Poor Ryan" says Megan.
[Plane, NY to L.A.] Meanwhile, Lexi does a little explaining of her own to Ryan, from talking to his ex-fiancees to sneaking in to see Sarah, disguised as a nun. Ryan's reaction: "If these windows opened right now, you'd be sky diving." (As would he, I might add.) "Poor Megan," he adds. BTW, Ryan's head wound looks remarkably better. Should be non-existent by next scene.
[The Bistro Garden] Tony and Eve are at lunch. Amanda arrives, but watches the two from the wings. Eve tells Tony how she sung the National Anthem at a baseball stadium when she was thirteen, while all Tony can do is sit there and stare back at Eve and wonder if she sounded as nasally then as she does now. Tony informs Eve he knows all about her past (Big deal. Who doesn't?) as well as Amanda's. Then Amanda makes her entrance, but Tony tells her he's late for another appointment. Amanda reassures him that the commercial plans are going great and that she has an incredible casting suggestion. After Tony leaves, Amanda informs Eve that she is the casting suggestion, saying she's her friend, inexpensive, and that Marlin adores her. Then Amanda asks where Kathie Lee would be had she hadn't done the Carnival commercials and met Frank Gifford. Probably would've had a successful singing career. As I rub my hands together, ready for some easy Kathie Lee jokes, I'm quickly left empty, as Eve beats me to the punch and disses ol' Mrs. Gifford first.
[Jane's Beach House] Kyle, Jane, and Sarah are playing on the beach, when Ryan arrives, forehead showing just a scratch. Ryan apologizes to Megan for everything (men, that's the easiest sort of apology), and she accepts. Then Sarah calls out, "Daddy!" and Megan leaves them alone for some father-daughter bonding.
[Lexi's Apt] Somehow, Lexi's apt has gone from totally mush, to totally plush, in just one week! Michael shows up for some more good ol' fashioned scheming. Lexi explains she plans on using the kid against Ryan and Megan.
[AWA] For some reason, Kyle is at the office again. Amanda, using her PowerBook (obviously the choice computer of ad agencies on this show) is working on how to afford the commercial. She explains she has to downsize, "I'm letting half my staff go." Kyle touches the computer screen and asks, "Hey, is that Jane's name?" First of all, I hate when people touch my screen. Secondly, how many Jane Mancinis does Kyle think work at Amanda's agency? Amanda explains she based her layoff list on how financially stable each employee is, rather than their value to the company. Kyle gets upset, concluding Amanda is doing this to Jane because he and Jane have become friends lately. "You fire Jane, you're a dead woman!" he says, paraphrastically, then storms out. My question is, Sterling/Conway hasn't had a client since before the infamous Cabo-incident, yet you don't see Lexi dumping half her staff!
[Ryan's Apt] Sarah is now living at Ryan's, bathing in sun block, explaining how she cashed in aunt Terry's frequent flier miles to get to CA, when there's a knock at the door. Some UPS delivery guy hands Ryan an envelope containing some legal papers and a call tag for return delivery of Sarah to Terry in NY. Sarah asks if they can force her to go back. Ryan assures her, if they do, it'll only be for a little while, maybe 4 or 5 episodes, tops.
[AWA] As the company executioner hands out the white pink slips, Amanda announces the layoff. "For those of you staying, I'm asking you to work harder than ever," Amanda says. "For those of you leaving, I offer my sincere regrets. Thank you for understanding." Which is a hell of a lot more than Spelling did when he fired everyone on this show by canceling it! Take a lesson, Aaron! Immediately, Megan and Ryan start working harder than ever... at trying to decide which one should volunteer to quit so that Jane will keep her job! But Jane tells them to stop worrying, because she doesn't have the stomach for this business anyway.
[Construction Site] Lexi pays Sarah a visit. "Hi Sarah. You remember me?" Lexi asks. Sarcastic Sarah answers, "You're the one who pretended to be a nun, then pretended to be Megan. Who are you pretending to be today?" Kyle comes over to see what the fuss is, and finds Lexi trying to get on the girl's good side by offering to take the brat to Disneyland. Kyle escorts Lexi off the sand, while the camera zooms in on Sarah's pink cotton top with a heart on it, raising the question, could this be Victoria's Secret's new line of children's wear?
[Kyle's the Restaurant] Eve, waiting for Peter to arrive, gives us a glimpse of the tattoo she has on her right forearm as she reaches for her flute of Dom Perignon. When Peter arrives, Eve tells him about landing the commercial for Tony Marlin's cruise line. Then they get in a couple more Kathie Lee cracks.
[AWA] Ryan is busy trying to narrow down the musical selection for *the* commercial, but is having as much difficulty here as he does trying to sink a basket on the court. Megan arrives, and Sarah, sitting just outside of Ryan's office, tells Megan her daddy needs help, which is overstating the obvious. Megan enters Ryan's office, then sees a CD that she has in her collection at home. She starts to play it, reminding Ryan how she used to play it at home when the two of them used to do the horizontal mambo. As the music plays, they pull each other tightly, and soon begin to remove particles from each other's teeth with nothing but their tongues, despite the fact a child is within ear's reach. They're flossing is short-lived, however, when Sarah interrupts them, wondering what all the moaning is about. Ryan explains they were dancing, but Sarah begs to differ, saying, "Daddy, you know, they teach us all about dance education at school. That looked more like sex to me." But what fascinates me is how this kid gets from place to place the way she does. Not only does Sarah manage to get from Poughkeepsie to Melrose Place effortlessly, but now she somehow managed to travel from the construction house on the beach to the offices of AWA to meet daddy! I haven't seen a youngster this scary since Bill Mumy on "The Twilight Zone."
[Lexi's Apt] Lexi and Michael fumble around trying to build a doll house for Sarah. Michael with hands of surgeon, displays why the hospital has so many outstanding malpractice suits. Lexi shows him the little red-headed mommy doll, the studly and stupid daddy doll, and little sassy girl doll, representative of well, need I explain? Michael, being the doctor that he is, stops work immediately and checks the Lexi doll to see if it's anatomically correct. He'll compare with the real thing later on in the show.
[Jane's Beach House] Amanda arrives home and asks Jane if she told Kyle yet. Jane said she was saving that for Amanda. Amanda tells Jane they'll be out in the morning, unless Jane wants to throw them out tonight. Jane figures if she did that, Amanda would look like the victim and she'd look like the bitch. Jane says Amanda did this because she's jealous of the relationship that exists between Jane and Kyle, causing Amanda's jaw to drop. Jane's problem is, she doesn't know the difference between being fired, and being laid off. So Jane starts commenting on how badly Amanda treats Kyle, to the extent it starts sounding like Josie is talking about Rob rather than Jane about Kyle. Finally, Amanda says, "I shouldn't just fire you, I should kick your ass!" Jane is ready, leading up to the typical cat fight, now that Sydney, Taylor, and Kimberly are gone... nothing happens. Once Jane realizes she's going to keep her teeth, she quips, "Amanda, you pretend to be the big boss, but in the end, you're just cowering in the corner like some kind of animal." Amanda, always getting the last word in says "Kyle's my husband. You get near him again, I'll eat you alive." Don't tease
[Malibu Beach] Ryan meanders down the beach, recalling the past with Megan in black & white, while Sarah runs in the background trying to fly a kite The slight echo during these vignettes may be attributable to the unused space in Ryan's cranial cavity. Sarah interrupts his "thoughts," commenting on a father at school who stared off into space like Ryan was doing and had a nervous breakdown. Ryan drops to one knee and cries, "I'm not having a nervous breakdown. I'm just thinking. It's just, I'm going crazy and nothing's making sense anymore. I can't take this. Ughhh!" Then Sarah says, "You're funny. You love Megan. She loves you. How long are you going to sit around and think about it?" Ryan gives her another patented "Duh" face and answers, "I just want to make sure." Sarah asks, "How long before you were sure about mom?" Ryan answers he let his little head do all the thinking when he was young, causing Sarah to laugh and say, "Lucky for me!" Then Sarah gets serious, asking "Is Megan like mom? Did you laugh with mom the way you laugh with Megan? Did you dance with mom the way you danced with Megan last night?" Yes, Sarah, and that's how you were born! Ryan smiles and says, "You're not afraid to say what's on your mind." Hello, Ryan. You just described what it is to be a child. Sarah explains that she didn't want Ryan to remarry and forget about her, but realizes now that Ryan would never forget her. She adds, "Maybe it's time you stopped thinking and started proposing." Is this kid reading the right part? She sounds like more of an adult than half the cast! Ryan shakes his head, then takes the kite from Sarah and tries to fly it, running WITH the wind. Just like a McBride...
[Jane's Beach House] The next morning, Kyle rolls out of bed and finds Amanda up and at 'em. Amanda informs him they need to move because this place is destroying their marriage. Kyle figures out this means Amanda went through with her plan to fire Jane. They two bicker until Amanda finally heads to her car and says, "You're free to find that perfect woman. Who knows, maybe she's inside that beach house! I have too much ambition for you and you can't deal with it. You can't keep up." Then she hops into her car and takes off. Kyle, in a last-ditch attempt to bring Amanda back, grabs a nearby rock and hurls it through her rear window with an accuracy never before shown while playing one-on-one with Ryan.
[Ryan's Apt] Sarah is looking at the doll house left in Ryan's apt when Lexi knocks at the door, offering numerous bribes, ranging from circus tickets to a shopping spree on Rodeo drive (Sarah doesn't like rodeos) to lunch at Spago's. But Sarah declines them all, then lectures Lexi on trying to win people's love. When Lexi says she just wants Sarah to like her, Sarah explains that it's not important who she likes, it's important who Ryan likes. Then Sarah adds that by everything she's seen, that person is definitely Megan. If the kid continues to talk like this, she may be the first child to survive on this show.
[Upstairs] Why does this show get Eve Cleary appearing week after week, while shows like "Party of Five" get R.E.M.? Peter walks in, and Kyle tells him he's offered to sell his 50% of the club to Eve. Eve takes a break in order to tell Peter the commercial shoot is the same week as their Hawaii vacation. Peter is furious since it took him 4 weeks to rearrange his schedule at the hospital for this vacation. (Talk about administrative paperwork!) He tells Eve to demand they reschedule the commercial, but when Eve says she can't, he storms out and heads directly for AWA.
[AWA] Amanda is discussing business with Tony Marlin when Peter arrives. After introductions are made, Tony tells Peter he likes his style and the way he handled the hospital situation by buying it. "Sort of the way I do business" Tony says, "Someone irritates me, I put them out of business." [Hint? Hint? Nudge? Nudge?] Amanda shows Peter the cruise line sketches and he comments, "Too bad you're shooting the commercial next week. Eve and I will be in Maui." Tony Marlin looks at Peter and asks, "Since when? Amanda didn't mention it. I'll leave this for you to handle, Amanda." Then, in the funniest blooper of the season, Tony heads out of the conference room. But apparently he didn't finish delivering his lines, because before he is completely out the door, he turns around and reenters and says, "I've got to run. You'll work it out?" He shakes Peter's hand, then leaves... again. This time, he's gone for good, and Peter asks Amanda, as a friend, to postpone the commercial. Unfortunately, Amanda won't give in, and when Peter realizes this he says, "You broke up with Kyle, didn't you?" (A typical conclusion I guess.) Amanda acknowledges, then adds that for the first time in a long time, she feels, as Tony would say, "Gr-r-reat!"
[Peter & Eve's Apt] Scene actually starts out like some sort of music video, with everyone moving in slo-motion: Jane at her place doing nothing but collecting unemployment, Kyle hanging around the construction site picking up nails, and Amanda with her feet up on her desk at work -- all contemplating friendship and relationships, I guess. Peter finds Eve packing her suitcase with nothing but lingerie, catching her running her fingers through a nice red thong number. Peter wonders what kind of commercial they're shooting on that cruise liner. Eve explains she'll be a lonely woman without him there, and reminds him she'll only be working 8 hours a day. "You can only imagine all the other things we can do with the other 16." she purrs to Peter. From what I heard about cruises, that would probably be eat, then sleep, then eat, then sleep, then eat.
[Laundry Room] Lexi and Michael are doing laundry. Now, I've heard laundry rooms are a great place to meet people, but I've yet to find one this good. For some reason, Michael and Lexi strip down and remove every last piece of clothing they have on and toss them in the washing machine. With nothing else to do while their clothes wash, the two get into a little gentle cycle of their own.
[LAX] Megan and Ryan are sitting with Sarah, as they wait for the girl's plane to board. Ryan promises it won't be long until Sarah gets to return to L.A. Then Megan says, "Screw Spelling and his aversion for kids on this show! He's not going to get rid of this child that easily!" She then suggests they keep Sarah with them and fight the custody battle from here. Everybody uses the word "damn" in a sentence and they all laugh. Oh, and Megan and Ryan make up and agree to start over.
[Upstairs] Amanda meanders through the club, so needless to say, this leads to another series of black and white memories. She recalls how she and Kyle became partners in the club. Kyle enters soon thereafter, and the two talk about all the dumb things they did to each other since becoming a couple. Kyle says, "I'm selling my 50% of the club to Eve..." before Amanda interrupts, telling him he doesn't have to do that. Then Kyle finishes his sentence, saying, "...to buy *your* share of the beach house." He says he wants to finish it this time. He'll show Amanda his ambition can keep up with hers, even if that means selling everything he owns in order to do it. She asks for his forgiveness. They hug. They divorce. Ah, life in La La Land...
[To Be Continued...] Last Modified April 27, 1999 |
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