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Melrose Place
[Poughkeepsie, New York] Sarah sees Ryan and cries, "Hi daddy! What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming until Easter!" Considering the fact that it's actually the day AFTER Easter, it's obvious this girl Sarah inherited the McBride brains. Ryan tells his little girl about Megan, and that he was thinking how the three of them could go on a vacation together. Sarah gasps, "No daddy. That's our time together!" Then the bratty girl asks, "You're not serious about her, are you?" Ryan replies that he's a little serious. "But not married serious, right? That's *our* deal." Has Spelling's warped mind forced the writers into another one of these sicko father/daughter relationships? We may never know, considering there are only a baker's half-dozen (?) episodes left. Aunt Terry, apparently named after the kind of clothes she wears, shows up at the door in a bathrobe made of -- you guessed it -- terry cloth. What the hell she's doing wandering around there in a bathrobe is just one of the Melrose unexplainables. She tells Ryan he's got to go, that he is violating the rules by seeing Sarah this late. Ryan turns to Sarah and says, "I'll see you tomorrow, if aunt Terry lets me. Otherwise, spring break for sure," which is strike two against Ryan considering spring break has already passed. He and Terry stroll into the hallway, which seems to be bustling with nuns full of nunsense, even though in the last episode, it seemed like the halls were devoid of human existence. I guess it has something to do with Daylight Savings Time. Now for a little "head-scratching" dialogue, something very unusual for MP storylines, right? Terry scolds Ryan for showing up, saying his short visits are hard on Sarah. But in her very next sentence, she says, "I am still her legal guardian. By court order, you get her 3 weeks a year. Any more than that is hard on all of us." So either short visits are hard on Sarah, or that anything other than a short visit is hard. At least Terry is clear about one thing: she holds Ryan responsible for her sister's death and really doesn't like the guy much as a result.
[MP, Amanda's Apt] It's bedtime, conveyed by Kyle line to Amanda, "Where are you going, it's bedtime?" Despite being on Melrose for about 3 seasons now, Kyle still hasn't realized that most people on this show seem to go TO the office when most normal folks are LEAVING. Amanda explains to her hubby that Leno's starting so she's supposed to go to the office now. Before Amanda leaves, Kyle invites her to the construction site to meet him for lunch. "You wouldn't believe the progress" he exclaims, trying to garner some sort of interest in her frigid body. She replies, "Alright, but it'll have to be a quick one" and walks out. Apparently, Amanda misunderstood Kyle, figuring he wants to have sex.
[MP Courtyard] One redeeming quality about everyone on this show is how they look at the world as though they are at the center. For instance, Michael catches Amanda and gives her some lip about the sale of the building and how it might affect his rent. Then there's Eve, who stops Amanda to ask if Amanda is selling the apt in order to get away from her. But before Amanda can ream Eve again for causing Amanda to miscarry, a detective Davis drops by. He's there to take Eve in for questioning regarding the Jackie Zambrano case, Spelling clearly making a statement as to the ineptitude of the LAPD, that they can't even solve a simple carjacking case without an inordinate amount of bureaucracy and worthless questioning. As the cop takes Eve away, she pleads with Amanda to call Peter at the hospital and tell him what the cops have done to her.
[LAPD] Peter blasts Davis, saying he can't hold Eve without charges. After his tirade is complete, Davis tells Peter Eve's free to go as soon as she signs her statement. "But," Davis adds, "her case is with the parole board now. Her hearing is set for tomorrow. The likelihood is she'll Go Directly To Jail." Peter looks at poor Eve, about to suffer every Monopoly player's worst nightmare...
[AWA] Amanda calls Kyle, who is playing carpenter at the site of their future beach house, which looks like nothing's been done to it since the last episode, nearly a month ago, despite Kyle's description in the first scene! Furthermore, it looks like it's being built awfully close to the shore, but not to worry, considering it's being built in Malibu, so a mudslide will probably get it before the surf does. Amanda is calling to find out where Ryan is, since he flew to NY and she hasn't been able to reach him since. Kyle answers with his normal "Duh," adding that it's not like Ryan to disappear. Amanda tells Kyle she's swamped at work and won't be able to meet, causing Kyle to go boo-hoo inside, and also providing a beautiful segue for a sad Chris Isaak song, who just happens to be playing at the club this week. (Is he that hard up for cash?)
[Upstairs] So, while the Isaak song continues in the background, Megan and Michael talk to each other about themselves at the same time not listening to what the other has to say: Megan rambling about Ryan returning from his business trip (wrong!) in NYC, and how she told him to meet her at the church when he gets back; Michael complaining about Shulman closing down the trauma center. Somehow the conversation switches to what a good man Michael is, and how Megan was impressed by his efforts at saving underdogs. This even surprises Michael a bit. So Michael leaves to save more underdogs, and runs into Lexi on the way out. Lexi tells him he's doing a good job of getting his foot into Megan's "door" and if he plays his cards right, he'll soon get to insert a different body part into that door of Megan's, once Ryan comes back and breaks up with her. Michael says, "Ryan's coming back to marry her, you moron." Then, for the truly dim-witted viewer, Lexi reminds us of Ryan's tendencies to run from his fiancees, saying, "That's not what his ex's say." Lexi walks over to Megan, who thanks her for all her emotional support, and for talking her into proposing to Ryan. "How can I ever repay you?" she asks Lexi. Lexi answers, "Don't worry, you eventually will."
[Amanda's Apt] Amanda is on the phone with a prospective buyer of the complex, but tells the caller she won't sell to anyone whose intention is to tear the building down. "It's practically a historic landmark" Amanda says, at which point she could just as easily be referring to Aaron Spelling. Kyle tries to convince Amanda to forgive Eve. "You forgave me, you have to forgive her." (Don't ask why, I don't know.) Kyle adds that Eve may go back to prison forever.
[Peter's Apt] Peter is so stressed out, even some dirty talk from Eve about trains and tunnels fails to get a rise out of Peter. He describes their life as a train wreck, breaking the news to Eve that she may be put back into prison for all the no-no's she's done lately, i.e., numerous parole violations, singing out-of-tune at rave clubs, and worst of all, copping a bad attitude. Eve doesn't understand, carrying the train metaphor one step further by saying "I live on the other side of the tracks now. A doctor's wife doesn't go back to jail."
[Church] Megan told Ryan to meet her at the church. Somehow, he knew which one. Ryan's there first, sitting in a pew, where he proceeds to have a flashback. Ryan has an image of a woman burning up in flames. Most likely he's reminiscing about his wife, and either she must've died in some sort of fiery crash or else she went to hell. Megan interrupts his hallucination, sitting down next to him. For the second time this episode, McBride intelligence rears its ugly head, as Ryan proceeds to tell Megan he porked Lexi's brains out when the two of them were in Cabo. (Lexi would've reciprocated, if brains weren't such a rare commodity for Ryan.) Megan slaps Ryan in the face and asks, at the top of her voice, "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" Then she runs out. Ryan, unaware Megan was asking a rhetorical question, answers, "Because I'm a McBride, dammit."
[Lexi's Marina Condo] Megan pounds on Lexi's door, asking her how she could do what she did. Lexi explains she did if FOR Megan, that Ryan wasn't for her, and she wasn't for Ryan. Megan responds by saying she is so out of Lexi's life. On top of that, Megan adds their no longer friends, nor work buddies. "No more hanging out at the water cooler, do you hear me?!?" the dumb blonde of MP asks before exiting, stage left.
[L.A. County Courthouse] At Eve's parole board hearing, the judge is deciding whether to send Eve back to prison as a tool for fudge packing. The panel wants to know why Eve bought maps found on Jackie's yacht. The judge asks if there is anyone out there with one good reason why Eve Cleary Burns should not go back to prison. Peter remains quiet. Amanda, however, steps forward, saying that Eve works for her at AWA as an entertainment consultant, and that Eve's loss would hurt her company dearly. The judge listens, then says they need to leave for a brief recess. They leave to change their underwear, then return and announce that Eve may remain a free woman. The crowd goes wild.
[Jane's Beach House] It's pitch black outside, yet Kyle is over to work on Jane's porch steps... still. On top of that, it's pouring out. "I guess your steps will have to wait," the super sleuth comments. Jane, meanwhile, is cooking in preparation for her date. Her red sauce is disgusting though, so Mr. Chef volunteers to fix it for her. Moments later, Jane's phone rings. She talks for a minute, then hangs up. "Well, my date had to reschedule" she tells Kyle, "Seems there was a mudslide on PCH." "Oh no." Kyle exclaims (I use that term loosely, considering this is Rob Estes we're talking about). Kyle figures there's no way he can make it back to Amanda, so he asks to use Jane's phone. Suddenly, the lights go out. Jane asks if Kyle does lighting, too. Kyle answers yes, then strikes a match and lights the candles on the dining room table. Jane invites him to share the dinner she made, but Kyle declines saying, "I'm not dressed for dinner." Well, he's not dressed to work on her steps either, but that didn't stop him. How many figure these two clowns will soon be a couple? Raise your hands.
[Upstairs] Eve asks Amanda what an entertainment consultant is. Amanda gets a call from Kyle regarding mudslides, so she steps away, just as Peter arrives. He tells Eve that he received a call from someone wanting to buy his old man's golf driving range. Peter says he doesn't want to deal with it though, and how hard it'll be to leave the hospital, even for one day. Eve offers to go with him to help close the deal, despite it being a parole violation to leave the state. She's pretty convincing until she suggests that Michael watch things while they're away. Still, she eventually gets Peter to agree.
[Ryan's Apt] Ryan just starts to have that hot dream of his wife, Cally, when Lexi knocks on his door, causing him to return to the present. She demands to know what came over him, why he confessed to Megan about their affair in Cabo playing hide the con carne. Ryan answers by tearing open Lexi's top, saying now the two of them can do it, just like the old days. Lexi, momentarily out of character, acts surprised by Ryan's actions. She slaps him, to which he responds, "Even Megan did it better than that." So Lexi slaps him with a backhand stroke, says she doesn't know him anymore, then walks out on him,
[Golfing World Driving Range] Just as Peter arrives at his dad's old golf property for a land sale, he gets a phone call from Michael on his cell phone. Michael tells Peter that Shulman is having a closed-door meeting to oust Peter from his chief-of-staff position. Eve assures Peter she can handle the land sale. Peter is worried about her having to haggle over price, since the sleazy realtor feels the land is only worth $27/acre, but which Eve feels is too low. She volunteers to drop Peter off at the airport, close the deal, then catch a flight home in the morning, all before her parole officer has a clue.
[Amanda's Apt] Megan drops by to announce she broke up with Ryan as well as quit her job. She hands Kyle a list of her belongings still at Ryan's place, asking Kyle to get them for her. Amanda offers Megan a job but Megan cringes at the thought of working at the same place as Ryan. Kyle is clueless, this time regarding why Ryan has become dysfunctional, as Megan describes him.
[Wilshire Memorial] In what seemed like 30 seconds, Peter manages to make it back to the hospital, where he tries to defend himself against Shulman's list of inappropriate chief-of-staff behavior. Shulman brings up Eve's colorful past, threatening to expose to the public Peter's marriage to a murderer, of both people and songs. This is the last straw for Peter, who quits, promising his resignation by end-of-day tomorrow.
[Halfway House Cafe] Eve meets the realtor and the buyer. She comments that she did some checking, and found the land is worth at least $70k. The interested buyer, a Texas man, gives her a check for $60,000 as a deposit. Eve says they can bring the papers and the remainder later. She smiles, and watches them leave, when she sees the Texas fella go over to a truck with a sign on the door which reads "Benedict Geological Surveyors." Eve thinks.
[Upstairs] Chris Isaak is playing what he would define as an upbeat song, something about crying. Michael arrives just as Megan leaves. Lexi shows up and tells Michael the "good" news, that Megan and Ryan are broken up. Then she gives him the bad news, that Megan and Ryan still have the hots for each other. Megan explains that this has caused both parties to turn against her. Michael feels this is his opportunity to move in on Megan, despite Lexi's suggestion that Michael should work with her to keep Ryan and Megan apart.
[Ryan's Apt] Ryan's daughter Sarah calls Ryan to tell him she is so lonely for him. This sounds like Megan's line, but hey, if the words fit... Isn't it funny how we've gone from never hearing a peep from this little girl to suddenly seeing her twice in 40 minutes. Unfortunately for Ryan, aunt Terry, who just happens to be combing the halls again, grabs the phone from Sarah and says to Ryan, "Do you know what time it is? Don't call her again!" Ryan replies, "But, she called me, I think." Poor Sarah, apparently gene pools from both sides of the family are a not very promising, and I'm beginning to weigh the possibilities that this convent is actually a home for mentally handicapped children. Terry cloth auntie is outraged when Ryan utters her sister's name, Cally. Ryan hangs up on Terry by throwing his cordless phone as hard as he can against the opposing wall. I'm surprised the Coalition Against Abuse to Cordless Phones hasn't launched a campaign against this show yet.
[AWA] Kyle, having snuck past the tight building security at Amanda's office park, sets up a slide projector showing a picture of the surf, along with a boom box playing a tape of the tide crashing on the shore. Amanda hears the raucous and enters the darkened room. Kyle closes the door behind her, then tells her, since she couldn't make it to the beach, he figured he'd bring the beach to her. Then he hands her a jewelry box. She opens it and sees a tin heart on a necklace. Like a scene from "Oz," Kyle quips, "That's my heart." Now, as the story goes, "If he only had a brain..." Kyle adds, referring to the heart necklace, "Whenever I see it on you, I'll know you're OK." (I guess this is regards to when she "dies" in the last episode, he'll probably find the necklace somewhere...) Then the two of them get horizontal on the conference room table.
[Wilshire Memorial] Eve shows up, only to find Peter packing his office. She tells him instead of selling the property, she leased it. And Peter wonders why he grinds he teeth at night! He tells Eve he wanted to dump that wasteland, but Eve explains she cut a better deal with a company called Torand Oil. She shows Peter a check for $5 million, and explains that she found the buyer's name in the phone book, who turned out to be an oil survey firm, and that they have pulled a "Jed Clampett." Eve continues, saying she signed a 30-yr lease, and that this check is just the beginning; there are many more to come. Then the two start hopping around like Jethro!
[AWA] Kyle stops by to for his luncheon date with Amanda, who is up to her split ends in work. Kyle is upset that Amanda is working so hard. Being an alcoholic on the show is one thing, but being a workaholic is inexcusable. Amanda says it's all part of the package. Oh yeah, it seems Ryan STILL hasn't shown up for work. Amazingly enough, Amanda has been taking it rather calmly.
[Upstairs] Speaking of alcoholics, Eve and Peter are giggling while teetotalling and counting their millions. When Eve asks Peter what they're going to do now, Peter suggests they travel around the world, so that he can play all the best golf courses in the world. When Eve hears this, her she suddenly looks as though she just swallowed a bad oyster. Then Dr. Visconti arrives, telling Peter about some cutbacks happening at the hospital and how a group of doctors and nurses are planning an organized protest. But Peter could care less, telling Visconti he quit earlier in the day and plans to play golf. Eve, caught between a rock and a golf place, takes Visconti's side when Visconti tells Peter that the hospital is his life, and that he'd simply be an empty shell if he left. "After all, what is the good life?" Visconti asks Peter. Peter contemplates, providing Chris Isaak one last opportunity to go into song, which fades in oh so perfectly. Michael has Megan meet him there, explaining he just wants to be there to support her in her time of need. Then he admits to her that he never did get over her. Megan realizes Michael is using the "rebound thing" on her again. She tells him she'll never get over Ryan, pushes Michael to the floor, and leaves. Michael crawls over to where Lexi is watching and agrees to join forces.
[Wilshire Memorial] The protest at the hospital is in full force, the poor doctors fearing that they may soon be making as little as $200,000 annually. My heart cries out to them. Peter arrives, ripping up his resignation. Dr. Shulman tells him he can't do that. Peter announces that he's going to organize all the doctors and nurses at Wilshire Memorial, and this time they're going to refocus their efforts on the patients. Which makes me wonder what they were focused on all these years prior?
[Basketball Court] Kyle finds Ryan sitting on the basketball court with a bottle of ripple and a ball. He laughs. "What is it with us McBrides? The first sign of trouble, we get faced try to play basketball." The key word here is "try." Not only can these white men not jump, they can't dribble or shoot either. "I'm just trying to lose consciousness, is all." Then he bangs his head into the post. Kyle, afraid Ryan might damage a brain cell this way, tries to keep Ryan from performing this head-banging move again. So Ryan then tells a story. He tells Kyle about the woman he married, Cally, and the baby girl he had named Sarah. Kyle says, "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Ryan continues, "Oh, and the car accident I had after that." Seems there was a deer in the road, so Ryan swerved into a tree. Their car catches fire. Ryan apparently got thrown from the car since he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. He stumbled back to the car and unstrapped the baby first. Then the car exploded, becoming engulfed in flames. (Ed's Note: This was supposed to have happened when Ryan was 18, although the car on fire looked like a relatively new Honda Civic.) Ryan says Terry, Cally's sister, took custody of Sarah. Ryan blames himself for Cally's death, saying, "I should've rescued her first. The flames didn't get to the back seat until later." (Although, when a car explodes, we're talking milliseconds...) Ryan continues, "I never loved anybody in my life as much as I loved..." Then, apparently forgetting his wife's name he says, "...loved her." In his next weeping breath, he says, "Oh, except until I met Megan." Ryan explains that his trip to NY was to tell Sarah about Megan, only when he got there, he couldn't say anything. Kyle tries comforting Ryan by saying, "Sarah would understand once she met Megan." But Ryan cries back, "You don't understand, Kyle. I promised Sarah I would never remarry." (Kyle understands Ryan's an idiot. What else is there?) "You don't get it man," Ryan continues. "You don't get it. I deprived my daughter of a mother. I had a choice to make, and I made the wrong one." Obviously, the correct choice was to deprive the mother of a daughter. Duh! Then Ryan squints has hard as he can in an attempt to squirt a few tears out, as he his hands tightened into fists, vying for worst actor in a male lead since Billy Campbell.
[To Be Continued...]
Last Updated Monday, April 5, 1999 |
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