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Melrose Place
Special Musical Guest: Swirl 360 [Wilshire Memorial] It's raining out. Apparently, Lexi has a newfound "respect" for Dr. Visconti, after having seen him with that HOT date of his eating from his hand at Kyle's the Restaurant a couple weeks ago. Lexi now calls him her "Big Wooly Buddy Bear." Lexi starts her session by asking whether she should feel guilty for going with Megan to S.B. to their client, Century Brides. Visconti replies, "Feel guilty?" Megan continues, explaining that she's found Mr. Right." Visconti: "Mr. Right?" Lexi fills in the gaps, saying she found her Mr. Right, and it's Ryan McBride. "Megan's Ryan?" asks Visconti. (Note, this is a psychiatrist's version of playing "20 Questions.") Lexi says she's doing Megan a favor since Megan shouldn't marry Mr. Wrong. Then Lexi explains to Dr. Question how she plans on breaking Ms. Clueless from Mr. Right/Wrong ("Break them up?" Visconti continues with his question marks.) Lexi plans on getting Ms. Clueless to propose to Mr. Right/Wrong, causing him to panic (due to his case of commitment phobia), he'll leave her and then run into Ms. Conniving's arms. Now on to the next scene, where Ms. Guest Star is in bed with Mr. Doh, when they get an unexpected visit from Dr. Do-little, Ms. Clueless, Dr. NiceGuy and his wife, Mrs. Ex-con.
[MP, Amanda & Kyle's Apt] It's still raining. Amanda and Kyle are doing it in bed. Amanda has even changed the bed sheets from that hideous leopard skin pattern, wondering if it's been the sheets all this time that's kept Kyle from performing correctly in the sack. Between kisses, Kyle asks, "How could I ever live without this?" Amanda answers him, "Luckily, you don't have to. Nothing's going to break us up ever again." (Unfortunately, she forgot what low Nielsen ratings can do...) In just a matter of seconds, Amanda starts to get all wet, but it turns out, not due to Kyle's tongue lashing. Above them, they see a leak in the ceiling, Amanda blaming it the Michael-and-Megan-on-the-roof-humping incident. Speaking of Michael, there's a knock on the door, interrupting their baby-making. It's Mancini, who's there to complain about his clogged shower nozzle and intermittent electrical outlets, noting that he can't make coffee. He notices that a potful of java that has just finished dripping in Amanda's kitchen, although why she would start a pot is beyond me, considering she and Kyle definitely would have been preoccupied for more than 20 minutes or so in the bedroom had Michael not knocked, and any coffee drinker knows that coffee isn't supposed to sit on the warmer longer than that! Quickly on his heels, Megan shows up, bitching about her plumbing in her cute little dumb blonde sort-of-way, making everyone go "Oh, how cute." Michael invites her in for coffee, Amanda's coffee. Then Peter and Eve drop in, complaining about the heat being out in their apt. (I guess this means the honeymoon's over, eh?) Peter has a cup of coffee and Kyle thanks Peter for the helicopter. Eve asks Amanda how long she's going to shut her out.
[Malibu] It's supposed to be the Malibu coastline, but oops, the camera accidentally catches the Channel Islands out in the distance, ruining that scene. Kyle and Amanda happen to find the only driftwood on the entire southern California coast, and sit on it as they try to see if communication *won't* get them in trouble for a change! Of course, it's the same dribble Kyle says every time he's fresh out of rehab, so I won't bore you with it here. Kyle promises to make that baby, but Amanda tells her she wants to take her time. "Let's wait until next season, okay? Aaron Spelling promises he won't approve of any more miscarriages being written into future Melrose scripts" she assures Kyle. They smile and kiss.
[MP, Megan's Apt] Lexi arrives to pick up Megan for their 10 A.M. Century Brides business meeting, but Megan exclaims, "Hey, I can't find my brown pump!" It's still unclear whether she's referring to Ryan or a dress shoe. Then some plumber with the worst accent since Bobby Parezi graced this show, interrupts, telling Megan she's got ancient pipes and he can't do miracles (he said his line without goofing, I'd say that was pretty miraculous!) Then Ryan pops in, looking for his briefcase, which just happened to be under the sofa. Lexi finds this the perfect opportunity to suggest the two dolts move in together, thus saving on rent. Then Lexi delivers the a line normally reserved for someone like Ryan or Kyle or Megan: "It's time to make the big commitment. What? It's not a 4-letter word." Huh?
[Beach House] Jane is busy moving into the *old* beach house when a neighbor, with the coolest of names, drops by and introduces himself as bad Brad. He tries his luck with Jane, using a line that wouldn't even work at last call in a singles bar. Jane brushes bad Brad off, but the persistent bugger promises to return. Amanda shows up to tell Jane they'll soon be neighbors, because Amanda heard this is where all the beautiful women live (at least, according to Brad!) so she has decided to build her new dream house down the beach a ways. Oh yes, and Amanda did manage to bring some work from the office for Jane to do. Besides, how much stuff could Jane have accumulated since moving back on the show this season?
[Wilshire Memorial] Michael is seen actually doing work at the hospital for a change. Not only that, he appears to actually care about his patients. Folks, we're in for a treat, because Dr. Irene Shulman (former head of neurosurgery, now Head of Peer Review for Good Hope Conglomerate, part of the whole medical BPR, I guess) makes her appearance on the show, having not been seen since Episode 179 back on 1/5/98! She's hot and wicked as ever, sporting a new 'do and I'm sure, Victoria's Secret undies, as she orders one of the nurses to reroute most of the patients strewn about the E.R. to County Hospital, since Wilshire Memorial doesn't handle patients without insurance. Although you basically only see Peter, Michael and Dr. Shulman in this scene, you *hear* many other voices, as though the sound guys from this show got ahold of the sound effects tape from E.R. Peter reassures everyone still conscious that they'll be treated here, not moved to County.
[Upstairs] Swirl 360 is playing at the club, the first new act other than Eve and the Sunsets in who knows how long. Eve is on the phone with Jackie, Jackie teary-eyed and wondering how Eve's life is doing, but the conversation is cut short when a short order cook grabs the receiver from Jackie and slams in on the hook. Eve asks Kyle if she still has a job, asking if Amanda knows how sorry she is. Kyle suggests to Eve she start to branch out to other clubs. He tells her he's sorry, with all the sincerity of someone who can't look you in the eye while firing you.
[Malibu] Amanda and Kyle ask the builder how long until they can move in. He tells them 10 to 12 months. They were hoping by the end of summer. The builder says about $100,000 extra might help accelerate the schedule. In either case, the point is moot. Amanda asks to see the blueprint, to see if she can't figure a way to speed things up. (I guess she studies blueprints as a hobby.) She makes a suggestion to Kyle, but when she turns, she sees him off with a nail and a hammer, asking the real construction workers where he can hammer it. "Looks like he belongs out here," the builder/designer comments.
[Wilshire Memorial] Peter and Michael just finish up on an all-nighter surgery, and the two of them must be tired, because they seem to be talking nonsense... something about the real reason people become doctors is to help people, not for the outrageous salaries and the fact they can retire by the time they're 40! The two doctors go to Peter's office, where they find Eve waiting. Dr. Shulman pays Peter a visit, accompanied by the head of the board, Mr. Denoff. Shulman offers her sympathies to Eve when she learns Eve is Peter's newest wife. "Another one, Dr. Burns? You don't know when to quit." she states. Mr. Denoff is concerned that Peter cost the hospital $100,000 over the last 24 hrs by helping uninsured. Dr. Shulman then comments about the medivac that Peter ordered for Amanda, as well as the $2 million settlement he OK'd for Michael, saying she'll get to the bottom of all of this. After Shulman leaves, Eve asks why Shulman is acting even bitchier than she had been the past several weeks, so Peter tells her the story of Shulman and the fight for the chief-of-staff position.
[MP Complex] The roof inspector (I can tell his profession by the way he's lugging his big aluminum ladder around with him) informs Amanda that the previous roof repairs were not up to building code standards and so he can't sign off on the roof. I'm sure you're all too familiar with building code Sec 91.101 of the L.A. Municipal, so I won't bother restating them here. Amanda, fearful that her insurance rates will go up if he doesn't sign off on the repairs, asks "Will $100 help?" The inspector, truly offended, answers "I hafta' to report insulting offers like that." He adds, "You can apply for a 3-month stay of decision, as long as you begin retrofitting within 30 days," telling Amanda it'll probably cost $100,000 for a building this size. 100,000 seems to be a favorite figure in this city.
[Upstairs] Swirl 360 is still playing. Michael is looking for love in all the wrong places, cozying up with Megan and asking her if she thinks "he's shallow, like the surf." She replies, "No. I think you're the opposite. Sort of deep, like the surf. Oh wait, then is it like the same or not? I'm so confused." Luckily for her, Ryan shows up, and tells Michael to leave his date alone. Michael starts recapping how he and Megan met, but Lexi shows up and pries Michael off of Megan, so that Ryan could have his turn rubbing up against Megan's body. Meanwhile, Lexi takes Michael out on the dance floor and tells him he's not "happily-ever-after material."
[MP, Peter & Eve's Apt] Eve cries on Peter's shoulders, saying it's so weird not playing a gig at night. Peter tells her many people live this way, staying at home and having sex, watching "The Late Show" and then having sex again. She's not that stupid, is she? Then there's a knock at the door. Eve groans that she doesn't want to see anyone, but when the voice calls out her name, Eve realizes it's her main squeeze from prison days. She opens the door and Jackie stumbles in, black & blue & black all over, collapsing in Eve's arms.
[Wilshire Memorial] Peter has Amanda stop by the hospital, only to ask her how long she's going to keep this grudge against Eve going. Amanda 180's. Peter runs after her, saying it was just a little mistake, and other than causing Amanda to lose her baby, nothing else happened Michael finds out there is an auditor going through the books. He starts to panic until Peter pulls him aside and tells him he covered for Michael by putting the money back into the Children's Foundation. Peter says he did it to piss off Shulman and her bean counters, not out of friendship for Michael. Meanwhile, in the uninsured patients wing, Dr. Shulman "Evesdrops" on Jackie and Eve reminiscing the good old days behind bars. Shulman enters Jackie's room and comments that Peter must have some savior complex to be helping uninsured indigents, as well as murderers and thieves. Eve tells Shulman it's not fair for her to use Eve's past against Peter, but Shulman says everything's fair in medicine. Shulman struts out. Jackie says it's all her fault, but Eve, caught up with her reputation as a murderer, says, "Don't worry. I'll take care of her." Jackie warns Eve if she does anything, she'll go back inside. "Let me handle it," Jackie insists.
[Conway/Sterling Enterprises] Megan is sitting behind her desk doing what she normally does best at work -- daydreams. While browsing through photos from a Century Bride portfolio, Megan pictures herself and Ryan in the scene, in full wedding regalia shoving wedding cake into each others' mouths. A knock at the door rudely brings Megan back to reality (I use this term loosely), and Michael enters, asking her to go to the movies with him. She says she has to go to Jane's housewarming party. Michael frowns, knowing Jane hasn't included him on her list of "friends." Megan assures Michael that the two of them will always be friends, leading to a hug and kiss. Lexi, standing at the door, sees this and says, "Excuse me, but the last time I looked, the sign over the door said Sterling/Conway, not, Come In and Cop a Feel." Michael leaves and Lexi scolds Megan for letting Michael grope her. Then Lexi tells Megan she's blowing it with Ryan, and suggests Megan ask Mr. Right to marry him tonight at Jane's dinner.
[Wilshire Memorial] Eve comes running after Peter, telling him Jackie left the hospital. Then Eve tells Peter about Shulman uncovering Eve's sordid past, and how Shulman plans on using the info to ruin his career. Peter calms her down, saying he'll handle Shulman. Then Eve comments, "I'm just afraid Jackie's going to do something stupid." Considering the girl hasn't done anything smart since being introduced a few weeks back, this isn't too prophetic.
[Beach House] Jane has invited Kyle and Amanda and Ryan and Megan over for dinner. She talks about how absence, or abstinence, makes the heart grow fonder. It's a sad state of affairs when 50% of your friends are male McBrides. I guess the conversation won't be too Mensa-oriented. They all quip over how they hate the apt and the lack of privacy it provides. Then Jane segues to asking if anyone knows a good step-builder. Kyle volunteers, after his positive experience with the hammer the other day. Amanda tells Ryan to drop all his work and go through her financial portfolio, and figure a way she can pay for the apt. retrofitting as well as paying to get the dream house built quicker. Megan tells Ryan she wants to take a walk on the beach. (Note: Jane's beach house now has a guest bedroom, added by its previous owner who mysteriously vanished just in time for Jane to scoop up the property.)
[Wilshire Memorial] Jackie approaches Dr. Shulman from behind in the parking lot, sticking a gun into Shulman's back. Jackie asks Shulman how she likes being the one shaking in fear for a change. Peter, always the savior, never the disciple, just happens to be leaving the hospital and spots the incident. He runs rushes over and tries to talk Jackie out of doing anything stupid. Jackie asks why she shouldn't just shoot Shulman since the bitch is both Eve's and Peter's problem. Peter continues to talk, then sort of "saves" Dr. Shulman's life as Jackie turns the whole escapade into a simple carjacking, a popular pastime in this city. Dr. Shulman shows her appreciation to Peter by saying, "Burns, I'm gonna burn you. You're through."
[Upstairs] Michael cries on Lexi's shoulders about his past marriages to Jane, to Kimberly, to Syd, then to Kimberly again, to Megan, and again to Jane. He says he realizes his one true love is Megan, but that he realized it too late and that Jane had already moved back onto the show by then and Megan fell for Ryan. Lexi tells Michael that her timing is never off, and promises that Megan's marriage to Ryan will never happen. Michael shrugs.
[Beach House] Ryan and Megan are on their walk along the shore. Megan starts talking about commitment, causing Ryan to say, "No. No. No. No. Please, don't ruin everything." Megan's jaw drops, her heart stops, and her brain stops functioning -- okay, one was never really functioning to begin with -- and she says it has suddenly become very cold out there. Ryan stops her, explaining that he wanted to do the proposing. Megan says, "Yes, I will." Ryan replies, "Megan, will you marry me?"
[Peter & Eve's Apt] Peter returns home from somewhere, and Eve asks if they found Jackie as well as what he told the police. Peter sighs, saying he doesn't know how Shulman will present this to the board, as if Shulman getting carjacked is his fault as chief-of-staff.
[MP, Ryan's Apt] Megan calls Lexi to tell her that she is engaged and is thinking about having a June wedding. Lexi asks if Megan proposed, but Megan explains that Ryan is the one who did the proposing. Lexi quips, "Hey, that's not right." But their conversation is cut short when Megan notices Ryan pulling his suitcase from the closet. She tells Lexi she has to hang up because Ryan has a sudden business trip to N.Y. Lexi smiles, figuring once he returns, it's bye-bye engagement. Megan tells Ryan she's so happy that she wants to have an engagement party, and to tell everyone they're engaged, even Shirley Jones. "Am I freaking you out?" she asks Ryan. "No" he says, as he quickly packs his bag and runs out of the apartment, practically screaming. He leaves. Outside, Amanda catches him. Ryan tells her he's got to go on a trip, but she realizes she hasn't assigned him on anything requiring travel, causing her to say, "Hey, I didn't assign you on anything requiring travel." Ryan says he's taking a couple of personal days, and had she not caught him, I wonder when he would've told her... after the fact? Amanda needs to know what sort of creative financing plans he came up with, but being a McBride, you can only imagine how creative they could be. He tells her to fix the apt and move into their dream house in Dec. "Is that very difficult?" he asks as he heads out. "Yes" Amanda breathes. Especially if the last show is in May.
[Beach House] Kyle is over trying to build some steps from the porch to the sand, referring to his "Porch Steps for Dummies" book, when Jane spots her neighbor Brad. She starts moaning, more than she's ever done while having sex, saying she can't stand this guy trying to get in her pants. So Kyle goes back inside for a second and waits. When rad Brad stops by, flying a kite and asks Jane if he could get a little tail... for the kite, that is, Kyle pops outside saying, "Oh, sweetheart, that was the best sex we have ever had." Then looking over at the neighbor nuisance, he adds, "Oh, you must be Brad. Thanks for the taffy you sent my girlfriend. And by the way, I'll be over a lot." Poor Brad leaves, dejected and tailess.
[MP Complex] Jackie, black-eye and all, says good-bye to Eve, and explains the reason she stole the car in the first place was so that she'd get caught and thrown back in the brink. Jackie says she just can't make it in the real world. Talk about economical of script writing! This is the ultimate. Simply take a script of a couple weeks ago, scratch out Eve's name and replace it with Jackie, and change the scene description from San Pedro Docks to MP Courtyard. What do you get? Jackie's farewell speech! About the only thing missing is Jackie saying, "Well, it was much easier to be special in prison." Eve tries to talk Jackie out of it, but Jackie knows where her place in society is. Jackie also knows how lame the police force is in L.A., and tells Eve that she had to actually call the police and tell them where she was, otherwise, they might never catch her. Moments later, you hear the wail of a siren and the strobing of lights, as a police car arrive on the scene to haul Jackie back to the place she likes to consider home. To help Peter's cause, Jackie provides some useful info, telling Eve Shulman can find her car at the bottom of the L.A. River. Shulman's lucky, considering the river is concrete and always dry, so her Beemer should be in pretty good shape!
[Poughkeepsie, New York] I'm glad for the caption at the bottom of the screen identifying this place, because the building simply looks like any other Tudor in Brentwood, CA. Inside, Ryan walks the halls, where he is intercepted by a nun. Apparently, the building is some sort of convent. Ryan wants to peek in on little girls sleeping, making you wonder just how twisted Spelling has gotten in his old age. Ryan has a special interest in a little girl named Sara. The sister lets him take a look, but tells him he must now go. Ryan hesitates, asking if he could sit by her side for awhile. But then we find out that Sara is Ryan's daughter, and that Spelling may not be as sick has he had led us to believe.
[MP Courtyard] Amanda is perched on her steps. She then has a flashback, in black & white, so we'd know for sure it was a scene from the past, although the fact that the scene has Billy and Alison in it looking ever so innocent is a dead giveaway for me. In the flashback, Amanda recalls the day she (with a little help from daddy) bought the building, and how she planned to live in it and manage it. I especially like the reactions of B & A, Alison gasping "I don't believe it!," and Billy saying, "Yeah. This is -- this is --" (Classic Billy, classic Melrose TV!) Then the picture returns to color, reminding us we're back in the present. Kyle comes out and Amanda tells him how she was just reminiscing the day she bought the place. Kyle chirps in, "Oh, the big mistake" and grins. Which shows what an idiot he is, since West Hollywood property is a gold mine. Amanda continues, saying she told everyone she had real hopes and dreams she had for it, but admitting now that she simply used it to get into everybody's lives. Kyle adds, "In the end, they all got into yours." Amanda says the funny think is, she can only remember the bad memories... Brooke dying in the pool; Kimberly blowing up the entire complex; meeting the most stupid guy in the world and falling in love with him, even during his dark days. Hey, to me, these were the great memories of the building! Kyle tells her this place is *wrecking* her life, and how he wants to start a family, a new life, one without tenants. Then he adds, "But it's got to be your decision." So Amanda finds the old For Sale 8 Units w/pool sign from the storage room and hangs it outside on the wrought iron fence, in the biggest tear-jerker scene in seven seasons. Boo-hoo. Kyle says, "This is the beginning," but all viewers agree with Amanda when she says, "This is the end."
[To Be Continued...] Last Updated March 09, 1999 |
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