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Melrose Place Special Musical Guest: Swamp Boogie Queen
[MP, Amanda's Bedroom] Michael and Megan crash the pajama party that Amanda and Jane are having in Amanda's bedroom. Perfect, since Michael is in his skivvies and Megan in her black lacy number. Michael asks, "Anything broken?" but obviously, the better question would've been, anything NOT broken? One thing's quite clear -- falling through a roof sure sobers one up, as there is no longer the hint of drunkenness in either Mikey or Megan. Ryan, the smarter of McBrides, deduces it must've been Michael and Megan who broke into his place, although he is still puzzled as to what they stole. When Ryan refers to the roof as his and Megan's "special place," Megan retorts, "And what was the powder room, yours and Lexi's special place?" Good one, even for the dumb blonde. Jane, after being made a complete fool by Alex, tries to save face by saying, "You know what Michael? I was considering taking you back, but you can forget it." Michael asks why she even thinks he'd want her back and he then starts to take Megan back home. Ryan, realizing the bars are all closed and he's still alone, tries reverse psychology by firing an insult towards Megan. Unfortunately, this doesn't get him a kiss from Megan, but Michael plants one on him instead. Not only does the white boy not know how to jump, but he doesn't know how to take a punch either as his knees buckle. Michael and Megan leave, as Ryan stumbles after them, unsuccessfully.
[MP Courtyard] Michael escorts the escort back to her place. Megan lets out a groan, adding "Thank God I have a hide-a-key" which she gets by simply reaching in the most obvious place possible, a clay pot sitting at the foot of her front door. Why she wasted money on a hide-a-key when she could've just tossed a key under the mat, or simply left her door unlocked like most of the doors on this show, is another matter. Michael invites himself in and tries to resume where they left off on the rooftop, but alas, the love liquor has worn off and Megan pushes him out the door, realizing this has got to be the most embarrassing Melrose Moment in her career. Once outside, Ryan ambushes Michael, clocking him good. Michael tells Ryan he's just pissed at himself because he knows he blew it with Megan. Ryan then goes to his apt and opens and closes his front door, which now looks and sounds as though it miraculously fixed itself! Meanwhile, Jane storms down the stairs and stuffs part of her wedding dress into the BBQ grill and sets it on fire. Who said there's no sizzle left on this show?
[MP, Peter & Eve's Apt] Pool boy makes a surprise visit, which got me thinking, if Andrew Shue doesn't find work fast, I bet Spelling would let him dress up in work boots, shorts, and a sweatshirt, pole and net in hand, and no one would be the wiser! Meanwhile, Eve tries to impress Peter with her homemaking skills, cooking breakfast while simultaneously flailing her long legs about, dancing around the kitchen while using a spatula as a Mr. Microphone and lip synching to a song. Unfortunately, her mother never warned Eve that legs and eggs don't mix, and suddenly her Mexican omelette goes north of the border and turns Cajun. To everyone's surprise, including Peter, a smoke detector starts screaming (when did Amanda install those?) Amanda pops her head in and warns the two love birds that any damage to the nest comes out of their own feathers. Then the phone rings, and the caller from Texas informs Peter that his father died. Peter says he has to go to Texas and sign a few papers. Eve says she'll go with him, suggesting they catch a morning flight. "Oh, it's not like we're in a rush. He's already dead." More specifically, dead for over 2-1/2 years! (Don't believe me? See "The Circle of Strife," Episode 120, Original Air Date: 02/19/96). The first time Peter's father died, his father was driven to suicide after Don Papa Vince Parezi destroyed his business. Apparently, the Parezis weren't satisfied with running numbers in Florida, but were expanding operations to include getting a piece of the action on bucket of balls.
[MP, Amanda & Ryan's] Ryan is over nursing his glass jaw, as Kyle show a couple roofing experts the hole they need to patch up before the next rainfall. In other words, for them to take their time. Kyle then confronts Ryan about the rumor that he's doing Lexi. Kyle warns Ryan that Lexi is bad news, just using him to get to Amanda. When Ryan tells Kyle to stay out of his life, Kyle points out that if Lexi hurts Amanda, he'll be so in Ryan's life that, as they say in Boston where Kyle came from, "You're not going to be able to piss without company." That's a wicked pissa'!
[Sterling-Conway Enterprises] Megan tenders her resignation, but Lexi doesn't understand why. After all, she did wait until Megan pushed Ryan away and adds, "If it's any consolation, it was never really serious." Megan's jaw drops. "Sex in the bathroom isn't serious?" she asks in disbelief. Apparently, her mother, Mrs. Partridge, gave a slightly different version of the "birds and the bees" talk.
[Wilshire Memorial] As Michael hurries through the hospital corridors, he's hounded by Dr. Visconti, who must be hurting for patients and is trying desperately to get Michael to start sessions, using Michael's recent wedding fiasco as a basis for therapy. While Michael tries to fend off the horny psychiatrist, another dweeb in browns serves him divorce papers. If there's one thing that Jane hasn't forgotten, even after being away from L.A. for a couple years, it's to sue before being sue upon.
[AWA] Lexi shows up wearing what looks like an old remnant from Syd's wardrobe. Considering Lexi was about the only one NOT at the apartment building at the time of sit-in on Amanda's bed, Amanda informs Lexi that she's holding her personally responsible for the roof damage. Lexi balks, saying she and Ryan are lovers, and what that causes others to do is out of her hands. When Ryan sees Lexi though, he says, "I only have two words for you, "get," "and," "lost."" (Which is really three, but who's counting.). Lexi gets lost, then Amanda takes Ryan into his office to reprimand him, saying, "If you weren't Kyle's brother, I'd fire you." Ryan replies, "If nepotism is the only way to keep my job, then I don't want it." "Nepotism" hasn't been used since the days of Brooke Armstrong and daddy Hayley, and in both instances, the character was more concerned about correct pronunciation, let alone what their line meant. He spews some nonsense about having landed more accounts at the agency than even Billy did, so Amanda lets him slide. Then she calls Jane in to fire her, since Alex Bastion has since pulled his account. But then Ryan pokes his big head back into the office and adds, "If you fire Jane, I leave with my accounts." Since the rest of Amanda's workforce is still as incompetent as they were when it was D&D, this means AWA would probably have no clients left. "When you've lost EVERYTHING in your life, you don't want to lose your job, TOO." which is kind of like, when you were a kid and said "infinity," and some jerk would quickly outdo you by saying, "infinity plus one."
[Golf World Driving Range] By the sounds of crows cawing and the harmonica playing in the background, this must be Texas. Peter and Eve drive to the run down driving range and enter the trailer where Peter's father lived. Inside, the place is a sty, and Eve finally understands the term "trailer trash." She picks up a photo of a woman and takes a wild guess, saying to Peter, "Is this your mother?" Well, it sure isn't his father, that is, unless he was into cross-dressing. Peter tells Eve that his mother ran away with a golf pro right after he was born. Meanwhile, his father could do no better than win the "Texas Open, Best Amateur" golf title, driving him past bitter to doggone mean.
[MP, Jane's Apt] Michael confronts Jane regarding the lawsuit, trying to tell her she was the one to blame, not him. Their bickering is quickly starting to drag on longer than even Taylor's pregnancy storyline. And I was so hoping they were bringing Jane back for the good of the show...
[Golf World] It's the middle of the night, and Peter is out hitting a bucket of balls, bringing back flashes of OJ and his claim that he was simply practicing his slice that night. And speaking of flashbacks, Peter has one as he recalls how his dad used to bully him into being a better golfer, blaming Peter's crying for driving his mother away. Luckily, Eve is there to bring Peter out of his black & white recollection.
[MP, Peter's Apt] Back home, Eve tries to comfort Peter, but he tells her he's fine and leaves for the hospital. Amanda pops in to gossip with Eve. "Did you know that Peter comes from Texas? That he comes from nothing." Amanda replies, "Nothing, Texas. Really?" Amanda always assumed Peter grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth. Eve feels Peter needs to talk about his past in order to get over it, then segues by saying maybe she needs to tell Peter about her past. But Amanda tells Eve to perish the thought, and that Peter and Kyle can never know what happened.
[Kyle's the Restaurant] Ryan finds Megan sitting alone reading the help wanted section of the newspaper. He tries to apologize, but Megan tells him to leave her alone and leaves.
[Wilshire Memorial] Michael walks the halls with his lawyer, planning his countersuit strategy. Only the lawyer, having apparently memorized the wrong lines in the script, repeats verbatim, what Dr. Visconti said 8 scenes earlier, namely for Michael and Jane to sit down together in a room and talk it out. Peter agrees, saying, "I agree."
[MP Laundry Room] The room which was not shown since the Kimberly bombing, has suddenly become the hot spot of the complex this past season. Tonight, Michael is down there trying to do his laundry when he runs into Jane, who's down there to do her washing. She just *happens* to be carrying a photo album of proofs from the wedding reception with her, which she hands to Michael. As he flips through the pictures, she recounts how in 1 hr and 12 minutes, he dismantled the entire thing. They continue their arguing as Amanda and Kyle arrive home. Amanda, upon hearing the yelling, runs to the laundry room door and locks it from the outside, forcing Jane and Michael to spend the rest of the evening down there together.
[MP, Peter's Apt] Eve rolls over in bed, only to find Peter's not next to her. She gets up and finds him in the living room, going through his father's old memorabilia. Peter tells her that he doesn't want to become like his father... without a wife or a family. Suddenly, Peter asks, "Do you love me?" When she says she does, Peter proposes to Eve, saying "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I wanna grow old together, I wanna... I wanna marry you." She whispers yes, then they kiss and head back into the bedroom where he can do some of the other things on his "wanna" list.
[MP, Amanda & Ryan's Apt] It's 7 am when Peter and Eve bang on Amanda's door to announce their intentions to marry, asking the McBrides to present them. But even now, Kyle still doesn't trust Peter, saying "No hugs, but congratulations." Peter and Eve say they plan to elope, but want to keep it romantic, so Vegas is off their list. Maybe Reno instead. Better yet, Oakhurst. It's up the coast, near Yosemite. Maybe if they're lucky, they can stop in for breakfast at Jake's diner. It seems Eve picked Oakhurst. Amanda agrees to go.
[Laundry Room] Jane and Michael wake up and continue arguing where they left off the night before. The two recount their past, and amazingly enough, the writers get it right! How they could pull a Homer regarding Peter's father dying twice, yet remember Jane's miscarriage; Michael's affair with Kimberly; Jane's subsequent divorce proceedings; Jane sleeping with her divorce lawyer; Michael using Syd to videotape said lawyer having sex with one of Syd's prostitute associates; Michael marrying Syd... Fortunately, Amanda interrupts them, asking if the two of them have made up. However, Jane informs Amanda that spending the night with Michael has only convinced her the divorce is the right thing to do.
[Halfway House Cafe] Peter and Eve and Kyle and Amanda are heading up a two-lane back road when Peter pulls over and parks at the Halfway House Cafe. Jake's Grill it isn't, only Peter is lost and figures he had better ask for directions. This scene is obviously written by a woman, for a man would never write that another man needed to stop for directions. While Peter and Kyle are inside, Amanda puts on her stern face and tells Eve that she's playing with fire. Amanda can't believe Eve suggested Oakhurst, the same Oakhurst where Eve and Amanda grew up. Amanda is afraid that someone will recognize them, but Eve says to play it cool and everything will be alright.
[Oakhurst (the one near Yosemite)] The two couples make it to the chateau in Oakhurst. Yup, that's it.
[Upstairs] Swamp Boogie Queen is jammin' as Megan enters the club. She steps up to the bar and orders a cosmopolitan. Ryan, meanwhile, must have ordered a penthouse, because he's starting to feel all horny inside, and when the lead singer starts to sing to him, eventually pulling him up on stage, he grins and licks his chops. As she sings to him and slinks up and down his body, Ryan reciprocates by grabbing her ass, stroking her bod, and gyrating to the rhythms of the band. All this is too much for Megan, who begins to have bathroom flashbacks. When Ryan looks up and sees Megan, she turns and leaves, and a look comes over Ryan's face as if to say, "Doh! The wrong head's doin' the thinking again!"
[Oakhurst] Amanda slips out of bed, leaving Kyle there as sound asleep as a baby. Amanda gets dressed and sneaks out. Of course, like a baby gets up in the middle of the night, so too, does Kyle, and watches, as Amanda goes to Eve's room and the two women then proceed to sneak off in Peter's car. Kyle jumps in Amanda's ragtop and follows them. Considering there seems to be about half-a-dozen cars in the entire town, you'd think Amanda might notice a car, extremely familiar looking, tailgating them at this hour.
[Kyle's Restaurant] In the most ridiculous line of the week, Lexi comes up to Megan and says, "You are not an easy woman to find." Of course, Lexi says this in the only restaurant Megan (or anyone else for that matter) ever eats at. Lexi tells Megan she misses her, both as a worker and a friend. Megan says the feeling is not mutual, so Lexi continues, saying with out Megan, she's "morally bankrupt." Lexi adds the piece de resistance when she says, "You're the only thing that's standing between me and X-Files, I mean, Alien Nation." Lexi begs Megan to help her be a better person, to maybe even help her get Peter back. Megan accepts, with certain conditions. One of them is, she wants to be hired as the resident Pollyanna, a position I've yet to see in the Sunday classifieds. Instead, Megan wants to be a vice president. For her sake, I hope the title means more than it does in the banking industry! Lexi accepts the terms of Megan's offer, and they become friends again.
[Oakhurst] Kyle follows Eve and Amanda to a big house, complete with barking dog in the background. The building is apparently a retirement home. The girls sign-in at the front desk (apparently visiting hours are anytime), then head on back to see someone, who it turns out, is Eve's grandmother. There's a lot of mumbled dialogue, but I think I made out her name as Sunset Cleary. Anyway, Kyle sneaks over to a window that happens to have its curtains drawn, and it just so happens to be the room where Eve's grandmother is living. He watches them give each other hugs and kisses, but tell grandma Cleary that they can't stay and have to get back. Kyle watches from the bushes as Eve and Amanda leave. Then he uses his experience as a marine and sneaks in through the front door, past the ever-attentive nurse at the front desk, and then on into grandma's room. Sunset Cleary is fast asleep. Kyle finds a framed photo of Eve and Amanda dressed as cheerleaders (with a name like Mandy, how could she NOT be a cheerleader?) I guess it's supposed to be a photo from a long time ago, although it looks like it was shot last week. The old lady wakes up, sees Kyle, then starts rambling, telling Kyle to leave her granddaughter alone, that Eve paid the price, serving 15 long years... Kyle is confused. Then the old woman presses her I've-fallen-and-I-can't-get-up emergency button and a nurse comes running in, only to find Kyle standing there. Kyle excuses himself. Then there's a commercial break, so we don't get to see how Kyle makes it back to the hotel and plops into bed before Amanda and Eve, despite the women having a 10 minute head start back. The next morning, when questioned by Kyle, Amanda makes up a story about Eve not being able to sleep, and how the two of them went to an all-night pizza place. Peter comes over to get dressed, and Amanda leaves to help Eve. Peter and Kyle officially become "friends," sort of the way Megan and Lexi did in the last scene. Admittedly, things happen fast on this show, and as ridiculous as it seems, I find the fact that Kyle being Peter's best man even more ridiculous than Peter getting married after knowing Eve for just over a fortnight.
[AWA] Every few months or so, Spelling throws in a storyline dealing with real-life issues, which must be some sort of FCC rule or something. We've seen everything from why not to join a cult (Syd), to why marrying an old geezer is perverted and sick (Alison and Hayley), to when suicide is justifiable (water logged Craig). This week, Spelling deals with the dangers of implants, silicone or saline, as Jane discovers she may have breast cancer. As Jane gets off the phone with Dr. Moore, Megan enters, there to explain why she and Michael were on the roof -- how it was because of Ryan -- but all Jane can do is sit there and look terrified. Megan comforts Jane.
[Oakhurst] As show filler, Kyle and Peter talk about marriage in order to waste some time. Peter steps outside to check on the wedding arrangements, when a phone call comes through for him and a hotel attendant hands him a phone. Peter is surprised to hear Lexi's voice, and more surprised to hear what she has to say. "I love you, Peter, and I know that you've gone away to process your grief." Good grief, now the writers have her talking like a software engineer! It seems Dr. Visconti told Lexi that Peter needed to get away and gave her this phone number. Peter tries to correct Lexi's misunderstanding, to tell her he's up there to get married, but she tells him they can talk about things once he's back and she hangs up. Then Lexi asks her assistant, Julie, how long it takes to drive to Yosemite. Julie answers five hours, but only one if she flies.
[AWA] Michael shows up to discuss his countersuit. Jane, taking the rest of the day off, tells Michael she's throwing in the towel and that he can have whatever he wants. He smells a rat, but Megan takes him aside and tells him Jane's got a personal problem on her mind and for him to lay off for awhile.
[Oakhurst] Peter is downstairs with the minister, moments away from being married. Meanwhile, Amanda helps Eve with some final touches. Then, for the visually impaired viewers out there, Amanda says, "Eve, you make a beautiful bride." They hug and Amanda leaves the room and heads downstairs to join Peter. Kyle waits for Amanda to pass his bedroom door, then walks from his room to where Eve is, admiring herself in the mirror. Eve tells Kyle that he just missed Amanda, only Kyle isn't there to see Amanda. Just minutes from walking down the aisle, Kyle figures this would be a perfect time to get Eve's mascara to run. He demands to know what Eve and Amanda were really up to last night, telling her he followed them to that retirement home and saw them meet with Sunset Cleary. Kyle continues, saying he knows about how all the guys in their high school used to yell for her and Amanda to shake their pompoms, and that they were cheerleaders, too! Oh yes, and of course, that Eve spent 15 years in the slammer. Then he asks, "You kill somebody, Eve?" But before Eve can speak or her eye makeup can run, another voice cries out, "NO!" It's Amanda, who adds, "We both did." Then that guitar, that normally starts wailing to signify sex is coming up, starts playing, but this time, signaling the end of the episode instead.
[To Be Continued...] Last Modified November 24, 1998 |
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