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Melrose Place
[Upstairs] Alex Bastion, unable to locate Jane at home or work, decides to look for her in the office of Kyle's club, the first place that would jump into my mind, too! Amanda and Kyle are fast asleep on Kyle's office desk after wearing a hole in the desk blotter. Alex threatens to switch agencies unless Amanda can find Jane instantly, so Amanda hops out of desk, while the grunt just lays there and grunts. Starting our sex counter, this is incident #1.
[Eve's Apt] Birds do it, bees do it, even Eve and Peter Burns, do it. By that, I'm referring to sleep. The two love birds are nestled in Eve's bed together, Eve wide awake, "singing" her praises for Peter. This just goes to show how out of touch the writers really are. Most late-night performers don't get up until the crack of dusk, not dawn. And by the smile on Peter's face, she was some performer last night! Then Peter glances towards Eve's bedroom closet, which happens to be open, and notices that other than a few measly garments, Eve's closet is as bare as she is this very moment. Eve stutters momentarily, then concocts a story that she was "cleaned out" at the last place she lived by 2 guys and a truck. By that description, she must've been living in West Hollywood at the time! When Eve comments that Amanda plans on taking her shopping after she gets her first paycheck from the club, Peter offers her is platinum AMEX card. They exchange I-don't-deserve-you's and kiss, giving me an instant cavity. The sex counter tally quickly doubles, to 2.
[Hollywood Police Station] Jane has just finished bailing Michael out of jail. As they walk out, Michael explains the sordid mess he got into, then asks her if she was worried. "Of course I was. I spent half the night looking for you." I guess, then she said oh well, and went to bed. As they approach the police station parking lot, a limo pulls up in their path. It's Amanda, who just happens to be driving through and accidentally runs into them. And you thought Alex Bastion showing up at the club was far-fetched. Ha! Amanda informs Jane that she must go to Chicago immediately, to help Alex with his spring line. Jane protests, but let me tell you, if all strikers protested with such conviction, there would never be the need for scabs. Jane figures it might be fun for a few days, so Amanda whisks Jane away in the limo, leaving Michael at the metaphorical altar.
[MP Courtyard] An older man and younger woman, holding hands, approach Megan's apt and knock on her door, inquiring about the missing puppy while waving the flyer. You can tell he's older by the fact he's wearing Dockers; the graying hair is also a clue. The woman seems much too young for him though, even by Spelling's sleazy standards. "Bill!" the youngster exclaims (the closed-captioning swears she said "Sam.") Megan starts to take them to Ryan's apt, but is saved the exhausting trek up the stairs when they see Ryan leading the puppy down for his morning parkway fertilization. The doggie runs over to lick the girl, and we also find out that Spelling isn't totally sick and that the girl is the elder gentleman's daughter. Ryan, dressed in the ragged sweatshirt he likes to wear while playing hoops, mentions to Megan that he found one of her earrings in his apt. Megan was wondering where that it was, and tells Ryan to leave it in her mailbox, as if Ryan lived so far away that going home now would take too much effort. Obviously, Ryan feels slighted, so he comments, now that the puppy issue and earring mystery have been resolved, there's nothing holding the two of them together. They both say, "Fine" and Ryan trots off to miss some more baskets at the playground.
[Rodeo Drive] First off, the stock shot of the outside of a Rodeo Drive shopping area, the Rodeo Connection, looks suspiciously like the same shopping courtyard where Donna Martin is opening her new boutique on "90210." Inside one of the boutiques, Amanda takes Eve shopping for a new wardrobe. Amanda spots an ultra-thin red outfit on a mannequin, which Eve loves, probably because it's a far cry from that hideous shade of prison orange. And the spaghetti straps are to die for, as Matt would say. Gotta be another "Alex Bastion" creation. Yes, even I'm developing an eye for fashion! Eve gasps when she sees the price tags, wondering what Peter will say, but Amanda assures Eve that price is no object with Dr. Burns. Amanda, meanwhile, is mesmerized by the doggie choke chain, which is on the mannequin's neck and obviously part of the outfit.
[Chicago] Alex takes Jane to his Chicago loft, under the pretense of helping him salvage his spring line. Only Jane knows he wants more than just her fashion expertise. So Alex admits that he wants her, but then confesses that his spring collection sucks, and if she doesn't help him, that his career could be ruined and that AWA won't have anything to advertise. Alex asks to stop all the bantering, saying that right now, nothing is more important to him than whipping out his spring line. After that, he has something else he wants to whip out, but until then, he promises hands off.
[AWA] Michael, who, by fact that he's donning puke green scrubs, should probably be in surgery right now instead the office of an advertising agency, asks Amanda's new personal assistant if Amanda is in her office. The assistant tells Michael that Amanda's taking a dump, but you gotta forgive the poor girl, after all, this is her first day at the new job. Michael storms into the ladies room, causing Amanda to blush. Before Michael can explain why he's there, the assistant bursts in carrying a cordless phone, announcing to Amanda that it's Jane. Amanda barely gets in a hello before Michael grabs the phone away, and asks Jane if she's in the suite of hotel. Jane, who is actually calling from Alex's sweat shop full of illegal immigrants from Canada, tells Michael that she tried calling him at the hospital but was told he was in surgery. Michael tries to get her to remember the past so that history won't repeat itself, but Jane counters with "Michael, you said that you trust me. If you do, there's no problem me being here. If you don't, then there's no point in us getting married anyway, right?" The real question Jane should be asking right now, is not whether Michael trusts her, but whether SHE trusts herself! Anyway, Michael asks Jane to promise to stay at her parents' house, only his words go unheard because their phone call gets disconnected. "Cell phones!" Michael mutters. Sure, only neither of them were using cell phones!
[Eve's Apt] Eve has all her new clothes laid out on her bed. From the brief glance, they appear rather short and sheer, and if I didn't know better, were nothing but teddies in an assortment of colors. Peter comes over and Eve tells him to let himself in. When he gets to the bedroom and sees the display on the bedspread he jokes, "Any clothes left in the store?" This causes a panic to overtake Eve, and she starts fumbling about, saying that she knew she bought too much and that they were too expensive. Peter needs to send her to the good humor man next, and I'm not talking ice cream. They go horizontal as the music begins in the background, which it turns out, is Eve's band playing... (Sex counter ticks to 3.)
[Upstairs Club] ...Kyle is standing there, looking at his watch, counting the seconds to eruption. In what seems like seconds, .Eve rushes in, wearing one of her new dresses, or negligees. She runs up on stage, so hurried that she didn't even have time to make sure her dress didn't suffer the same consequences as Monica's blue number. While Eve sings, Kyle points out to Amanda a guy in the crowd, who is the A & R for Red Moon Records. Kyle comments that if he likes Eve, he plans to sign her to a record deal, which means relatively little in this day and age of CDs. Later that evening, as Eve is freshening up after the set, Kyle enters and says "Eve, there is a record guy out there that loves you." Eve freaks out, saying all she wants is Peter's love. (And you thought blondes were dumb?) Eve asks of Amanda's whereabouts, and when Kyle says Amanda went home and then tries to turn the conversation back to the record guy, Eve says maybe she doesn't want to be famous; that maybe infamous was good enough for her. When Kyle shows her a check for $5 thousand, saying all she has to do is fill out some paperwork, jot down her SSN, and sign it, she starts yelling, telling him to stay out of her business, asking him why he can't get it through his think head. Kyle answers, "Uh, okay, I'll tell him you're not feeling well."
[Kyle's the Restaurant] Lexi goes to Kyle's the Restaurant, and when she sees Ryan eating by himself, she asks the maitre d' to seat her at the table next to Ryan's. Lexi then proceeds to flirt with the younger McBride, "accidentally" bumping her chair into his and saying, "Do you eat here often?" What a stupid question since whenever he's not downstairs, he's upstairs. She asks if he enjoyed the show in the pool last night. He replies that he was waiting for the encore, but it never came. So she tells him all he had to do was come down the stairs, which he was too lazy to do. It's becoming obvious that just the thought of having to go up or down those stairs exhausts this dweeb.
[Wilshire Memorial] A bunch of doctors are in the OR, gossiping and every now and then, operating on some unfortunate patient. For example, one doctor asks, "So Jensen, what nurse are you boffing on Four West?" I have a feeling this is even more realistic than what we watch on "E.R." every week. While the doctors are deep in concentration (no, not on the operation but rather, trying to guess who Jensen is boffing), Michael enters. He goes from doctor to doctor, getting each one to promise to cover one of his operations scheduled over the next few days, so that he can fly to Chicago to check on Jane. Only, Michael gets caught when he runs into Peter, who is unexpectedly leading the surgery. Peter, as chief-of-staff, threatens to revoke hospital privileges of any doctor taking Mancini's cases. So, all the doctors recant their offers. Peter tells Michael to forget about Chicago, then orders him out of the OR.
[Megan's Apt] Ryan is just arriving home, and as he enters the courtyard, he hears a shriek come from Megan's apt. Quickly, he rushes to her rescue. Megan is wrestling with the kitchen faucet, water spraying all over her body. Ryan gets soaked too, but manages to turn off the main valve under the sink. Megan runs her hands through his hair, then, realizing what she's doing, squeaks out the word "Damp." Then Ryan's McBride genes get the best of him and he says, "You weren't waiting for me to show up before you did this, were you? To see how I'd react." She can't believe how arrogant and dense he is. They exchange a few heated words and he leaves.
[Upstairs] The sign out front says, "Tonight Only. The Red Elvises." I guess if you're halfway decent, you only need to make a single appearance at Kyle's club. If you're like Eve, you end up playing there week after week after week. (And on top of that, she's still waiting for her first paycheck from Kyle! Sucka!) Anyway, the Red Elvises play for about 45 seconds or so. Unfortunately, their song is ruined by the scene, which has the other dense McBride asking Amanda to explain the "Eve thing" to him. Doh! Kyle mentions that Eve said something about being the center of Peter's attention, and comments that he thinks that's happening a little too quickly. Amanda explains it's love at first sight, causing Kyle to think that Amanda is connecting to Eve's innermost thoughts too quickly. Did Kyle ever consider, maybe everything's happening at normal speed and that he's just slow? Then Mr. Thick Head comments that Eve can give up her career for the man she loves, while Amanda works all the time. Guess Kyle's not going to get any tonight, and the sex counter stays at 3, 27 minutes into the episode...
[MP Courtyard] Peter arrives home and overhears Michael on the phone, talking to directory assistance in Chicago in order to get Alex's work number. Peter's ears have recently become finely tuned auditory devices, what with all the "eves-dropping" he's been doing lately. Anyway, he leans into the open window of Michael's apt, and tells Michael to leave Jane alone, and to concentrate on the bachelor party he's planning on throwing at his place. Michael's eyes widen when he hears this, saying he really needs a party. Then Michael asks Peter to be his best man. Peter replies, "Haven't I always been?" Michael looks at him and says, "That sounds suspiciously like an insult." Peter offers to buy Michael dinner at -- where else? -- Kyle's the Restaurant.
[Alex's Loft] Alex engages in some frivolous small talk with Jane, then presents her with a gift. Jane opens it and finds her wedding gown. Jane almost collapses when she sees how beee-yuti-fullll it is. Alex brushes up close to her as he positions her veil, but backs away, most teasingly.
[Upstairs] The Red Elvises are still playing, so it must still be the same night. Ryan is sulking in a glass of scotch when Lexi shows up and asks about that encore they spoke about earlier. Then she goes out on the dance floor and really gets her shoulder blades slinking. This is all it takes to lure Ryan out onto the parquet, and before you can say, "Red Elvises have left the building," Ryan and Lexi are gyrating like they got gypsy souls. Kyle steps into the bar and sees this spectacle. He runs over and cuts in, but only to speak with Ryan in private. Kyle scolds Ryan, telling him Lexi is evil. Ryan gets pissed, or confused -- it's hard to tell by his acting abilities -- saying to Kyle, "Now you're telling me who to go out with?" Ryan cites Amanda telling him to stay away from Megan, and now Kyle saying the same thing about Lexi. If you ask me, it sounds like they're telling him who NOT to go out with. Ryan tells Kyle to back off, then he goes back out to resume his body rubbing with Lexi. Only the woman with the gypsy heart made like a gypsy and split.
[Peter's Apt] Eve, apparently feeling Peter's stare, wakes suddenly from her sleep. She asks if he'll ever get tired of her. He promises he won't. Then she starts rambling off various clichés, like "He who laughs last, laughs the slowest," "You can tell a happy motorcyclist by the bugs in his teeth," and her favorite, "Familiarity breeds contempt." Peter kisses her, and we see realize the sex-o-meter had ticked to 4 during the night. Peter then asks if she'd like to have lunch with him today. She says she'd love to, then remembers something. Whatever it is, all she says is that she's supposed to have lunch with Amanda.
[AWA] Amanda pops her head in on Ryan, telling him she has to cancel their meeting because of more important matters (read: lunch with Kyle). Ryan could care less, saying he's got work to do anyway. Then he calls Lexi on her private line. Apparently, she had jotted her phone number down on a napkin before leaving the club last night. Ryan asks her why she left and she answers that she had things to do. Ryan tells her, "You kinda left me hangin'." Which is lucky for him, since he would've had a much more difficult time dancing had he been stiff. Lexi sloughs off Ryan's advances and hangs up.
[Los Angeles County Courthouse] Eve arrives and walks up the stairs... I dare you to find excitement like this on "Suddenly Susan."
[Park] Since Eve turned down Peter's luncheon invitation, he finds himself sharing a gelati with Dr. Visconti. Peter tells Lou how much he likes Eve, and that his obsession with Amanda is really over. Peter quips how he used to wonder if he'd see Amanda out in public, blah, blah, blah. Then Peter looks ahead and asks, "Is that Amanda and Kyle?" He runs over to find the McBrides eating lunch at an outdoor cafe. Dr. Visconti catches up and introductions are made. Peter is a bit puzzled, thinking that Eve was supposed to be dining with Amanda, not Kyle. Amanda tells Peter that Eve canceled on her, and had to run some errands instead. Good-byes are exchanged, and Peter and Lou leave. Peter can't believe Eve lied to him, while Dr. Visconti can't believe Amanda is so breasttakingly gorgeous, finally understanding what all Peter's fuss was about.
[Upstairs] That evening Kyle decides to check up on Eve Cleary's references. He calls Vahalla, up in San Francisco, but the guy there says he never heard of her before. Kyle tells the guy she supposedly sang there, but the gruff voice on the other end says, "We only gotta jukebox. No singers, no dancers, no animal acts." Kyle thanks the man, hangs up, then squints his eyes, as if he sees Cleary clearly.
[Eve's Apt] Peter knocks on Eve's door. Eve greets him with a kiss and a "It must be my place tonight." The sex-o-counter is just about to click to 5, but it stops short when Peter asks, "How was lunch with Amanda?" Eve tells him it was great, and the two of them talked the whole time. When Peter inquires into what they talked about, Eve answers, "Girl talk." Then Peter informs her he ran into Amanda, who told him that she had canceled. So Eve admits she did cancel. Peter tells her not to lie to him. But Eve has her tracks covered, as she admits she was lying, but with good reason. She grabs a jewelry box from the mantle and hands it to Peter, saying she was planning on giving this to him on Saturday. She apologizes for the lack of gift wrap as Peter opens the box, finding a dress watch inside. On the back is the engraving, "To Peter. My Love." Before Peter can say anything, Eve starts apologizing, saying she was going to have the engraving changed, although the only thing I can think of, is to change the "L" to a "D" which results in, "To Peter. My Dove." Eve admits she never had to say those words before, and almost starts crying. Peter feels like a heel, and apologizes, admitting he's ruined every relationship with deception. He asks Eve to promise him not to harbor any secrets from him; never to lie to him. She promises, then immediately breaks her promise as she lies in bed as they engage in another session of horizontal aerobics. (Ka-ching goes the sex-o-meter. That makes 5.)
[Sterling-Conway] Megan and Lexi run into each other in the walkway outside of the Sterling-Conway building. Megan tells Lexi she's her idol. When Megan asks Lexi to dinner, Lexi declines, saying she's got a sort of "merger" scheduled tonight.
[Peter's Apt] Eve drops off some bachelor party supplies for Peter. In the grocery bag is a couple decks of nudie playing cards, a bottle of scotch, and a box of cigars, a recent fad made popular by slick Willie himself. Peter thanks her with a wet kiss. Then Peter asks Eve to move in with him. She says yes. They start at it again, despite her fearing being mistaken for the live entertainment. Peter continues, however, and the two start flattening the springs to his sofa. They are interrupted briefly, when Amanda calls, wanting to tell Eve she'll be a little late. Only Eve doesn't hear a word, due to the fact she's thrown caution and the receiver to the wind. (Sex-o-meter count: 6.)
[Amanda's Apt] The reason Amanda was going to be a little late: She wants to make sure Kyle is not "up" for the bachelor party. She pins him on the floor and makes sure he's spent, flipping the counter on the meter quickly to 7. Amanda tells Kyle not to worry, because Ryan will be late too, since she gave him some extra work to do at the office.
[AWA] Ryan is sitting at his desk, trying to finish a report he was supposed to have for Amanda who knows how long ago. Unfortunately, tonight's not going to be the night he gets it done, because Lexi walks in on him, wearing a long fur coat. When she drops it, Ryan finds she's become a walking advertisement for Frederick's of Hollywood. He stutters a bit, until she makes a crack that maybe Kyle is the only McBride that can do more than talk. When Ryan hears this, he takes his stuttering tongue and uses it to his advantage. But Lexi stops him, and leads him over to Amanda's office, telling him, from now on, every time he's in this office he'll think of her. Now, on Melrose Place, there's two kinds of sex: 1) the kind accompanied with mellow, subtle music, and 2) the wailing guitar variety. This is definitely the latter type of sex, and the sex-o-meter springs to eight about as quickly as Ryan does.
[Peter's Apt] Tiffany the stripper arrives and proceeds to make Melrose history, for as she strips away her garments, she exposes... the first shot of a pierced navel! Boys, this is about as good as it gets. Why "Ally McBeal" gets to show partial nudity while all we get here is belly buttons is just another of life's cruel little jokes. But suddenly, Tiffany breaks down and starts crying. The guys stop the music, get her a glass of water, and have her sit down. Dr. Visconti, resident head shrink says, "I sense you're feeling depressed." Duh, even the chair she's sitting on could deduce that fact. Tiffany explains that her boyfriend split, upset that she's stripping in order to pay her way through school. Peter mentions that Michael can relate to that, considering he stripped his way through med school. When she hears this, she suddenly cheers up, forgets her boyfriend problem, and asks if Michael could show her some moves.
[Restaurant] Amanda and Eve are having an after-dinner espresso while talking and laughing about Peter. Eve tells Amanda how Peter sort of caught her in a lie yesterday. So Amanda says, "The next time you involve me in your alibi, I'd like to know about it ahead of time." This causes Eve to go ballistic, just like she did to Kyle earlier. She snaps at Amanda, "I told you last week where I'd be going." When Amanda admits maybe Eve did, Eve screams, "What? Are you calling me a liar, Amanda? I have a lot more to lose than you do, you know. If Peter ever found out everything, and then where would I be?" Given all these recent flare-ups by Eve, either it's the caffeine or it's that time of the episode for her. Amanda calms Eve down though, saying "Eve, it's okay. It's safe now. I'm here for you."
[Peter's Apt] Donna, aka Tiffany, confesses that while she was "working her ass off," her boyfriend was sleeping with her best friend. This hits home with everyone in the room except for Visconti. All this talk of infidelity causes Michael to get up and go to Peter's bedroom, where he calls up Global Airlines for a 1st-class ticket to Chicago on the red eye. Only Peter hears this, so he grabs some drugs from his black bag and injects Michael in the arm, putting Michael to sleep for the next 12 hours.
[Alex's Loft] Jane and Alex break out the champagne, congratulating each other on getting all the fashions done in time for the spring show, a black and white motif, how creative. Alex tricks Jane into trying on one of the outfits for him, a black number with a spaghetti strap on the left and a fettucce strap on the right. When Jane asks him to zip her up, he obliges, but then spins her around and kisses her. She responds by pulling him close and reciprocating the kiss, but then releases, reminding him of his promise. Alex replies, "It is the night before your wedding. Don't we have a tradition to uphold?" She asks him to stop, but Alex continues his pursuit, telling Jane he loves her and wanting to show her just how much. With that, he kisses her again and she pulls him in close again, and they immediately go into slo-mo, leaving us with that all-to-familiar wailing guitar... and we all know what that means. Lastly, by the count of the sex-o-meter, a more suitable name for this week's episode might have been "Submission," rather than "Suspicion."
[To Be Continued...] Last Modified November 10, 1998 |
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