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Melrose Place
[Lexi's Condo] Megan drops by to remind Lexi that she missed the 7 am staff meeting, gravitating over to the counter where the award for Woman of the Year stands erect, touching it, almost inquisitively. Obviously, Megan has a case of "trophy envy," evident as she moves her hand the full length of the 12" piece of Lucite. Lexi, meanwhile, announces she's never leaving her condo, wallowing in her sorrow like a sow in mud. Lexi oinks, "By the way, you're fired, you Brutus." Megan, not getting the reference, snaps back, "I yam's what I yam's," then adds, "And by the way, I'm the only friend you've got." even though Lexi only meant she was firing Megan as her employee. Lexi continues, between sobs, to tell Megan she just doesn't understand why she started that rumor. Megan looks at her with that same dumfounded look, a favorite amongst her johns of the past, so Lexi explains that it was right here in this living room where Peter told her he still loved Amanda. Lexi's heart aches every time she thinks what a waste it is for Peter to long after Amanda, especially since Amanda will never feel the same way about him. Lexi cries that she lost her one true love. Megan feels sorry for Lexi and apologizes, wondering why unrequited love always has to end up that way. Lexi decides not to fire Megan after all, despite Megan's traitorous act. But who knows, once Lexi discovers that Megan does even less than Billy used to do for Amanda, she may very well do a 180 yet again!
[MP Courtyard] Kyle and Amanda are just getting back from the awards ceremony, despite the sun already coming up. Eve catches them as they stroll in, and from her arousal indicators (despite wearing a bra), imagining what they must've been up to all this time is getting her all loosy-goosy, similar to the way Peter made her feel the night before. Amanda wants to hear all the juicy details of date number two with Peter, so she sends Kyle to the showers. About this time I realize, that not only do these girls wear the same men, but they wear the same fashions too, this time both sporting "spaghetti straps," as chef Boy-R-Duh so starchily described them last week. As Eve speaks, she can barely keep from letting her drool stain the patio tile. Amanda warns Eve to keep cool, to let Peter dictate the pace of the relationship, especially the sex part. Just then, Peter opens the door, retrieving his morning paper. When he sees Eve, he says, "I was just calling you. I made a little extra coffee, and I was wondering if you would like to join me for..." Peter pauses dramatically, riveting the viewers to their sofas, wondering if Peter's next word is going to be "sex." The pause continues forever, if not seconds, until he finally says, "...coffee." Yes, even Eve is disappointed, but accepts the invitation anyway and heads into Peter's lair.
[MP, Peter's Apt] Eve looks around at Peter's interior -- a carbon-copy of every unit in this weathered apartment complex, complete with the standard issue drab yellow paint on the walls and archway, one of those fireplaces whose hearth is cemented up with bricks, as well as the puke green front door badly in need of a fresh coat of paint -- and says, "Gee, your place is nice." Peter starts to comment, but stops and simply pours Eve some coffee. Then his beeper goes off. "Damn, it's the hospital" he says. Putting hospital and doctor together, Eve's eyes brighten as she comes to the conclusion that the page must mean he has to go to work. He states, somewhat jokingly, how his plans to seduce her have now been spoiled. When Eve hears this, her eyes bug out so big you'd think she had a thyroid problem. Seizing the moment, she invites Peter to come over at 8 o'clock that evening, at which time she promises to make his every fantasy come true. Peter manages to squeak out an "okay," before leaving. Leading the guy on like that is not only going to make it hard for Peter to walk the halls upright, but just think how dangerous it'll be for the poor patients who he'll be operating on later that day while he "whittles" away the hours!
[Burns-Mancini Medical Office] Jane shows up at Michael's office, and at first you figure she's going to demand a replay of last week's office chair calisthenics, but instead, she asks Michael about an engineer who was over at the beach house earlier, snooping around. Michael explains to her that he's been hearing creaking at night while laying in bed, so he's having the guy check out the load-bearing beams, referring to either the structural support for the house, or the wood slats supporting the mattress. In any case, Michael tells Jane that he has to move out of the beach house for a couple of months at least. Michael suggests that maybe he can move in with her, but she refuses, reminding him that they agreed not to live together until after the wedding, so she wishes him luck finding an apt and leaves. Michael then phones the engineer he hired from Malibu Engineering, a guy named Chris, telling him Jane bought the story and he'll send him a check for his time. Chris, however, tells Michael that just for the heck of it, he checked the beams, and found real damage from the storms of El Nino. The engineer estimates the damage at around 50 grand, making this seem like a prime candidate for an expose by Stone Phillips and the crew from Dateline NBC.
[AWA] Megan delivers the phallic award to Amanda, barely able to wrap her hands around its circumference. Only Amanda doesn't want the thing and adds it her circular file. Amanda mentions that she heard about the ladies room incident (and no, it had nothing to do with little green frogs!) and thanks Megan. On her way out, Megan passes Ryan and says, "Ryan, it's nice to see you." Ryan responds with, "It is? Uh, yeah, good," as if competing with his love interest for most dense. God help us if these two ever have children! Then Megan teases the poor bastard by saying, "You haven't asked me out in awhile" and leaves.
[MP Courtyard] Jane arrives home with a bag of groceries, and finds Michael adding his name to one of the mailbox slots. Despite how ridiculous it is that Amanda can get away with being such a terrible landlord, it takes a back seat to Michael's claim that this was the only available apartment in L.A. And don't bother sending me e-mail asking which apartment Michael is adding his name to, because all I know is, about the only persons NOT living at 4616 now are Lexi and Alex Bastion, and there's still time for Marina Del Rey to experience a tidal wave, as well as a brush fire helped and a Santa Ana wind to come along and level Bastion's bastille. Speaking of Alex, he stops by with some important news that just can't wait, so he and Jane go into her apt to discuss it, leaving Michael outside and jealous.
[MP, Jane's Apt] Alex show Jane some sketches he's done. To me, they look like some quick watercolors done of a generic female figure and face, but that just shows why I'm not in fashion. Jane, on the other hand, quickly recognizes it's her face and figure in the sketches, and comments that it's creepy, if not egotistical. Michael interrupts them to borrow some sugar, and while he's in the kitchen, Alex asks Jane to be his company model, THE Alex Bastion Model. Michael butts in, ordering Jane not to do this. She hates the idea herself, but when she hears Michael bark his ultimatum, she asks Alex where to sign and when to start.
[MP, Amanda's Apt] Kyle and Ryan are watching football on TV, while Amanda gets rescued when the phone rings and it's Eve on the other end. Eve is on edge, telling Amanda that Peter's 1/2 an hour late for their date and is worried that he's standing her up. Amanda steps outside, as she tells Eve not to worry, that Peter was probably held up at the hospital or something. Eve is freaking out now, saying she shouldn't have said she'd make all his fantasies come true tonight. Amanda glances towards Peter's Apt and sees him talking on the phone inside. She mentions this to Eve, and in a flash, Eve is storming down the stairs towards Peter's place, donning yet another one of those spaghetti outfits. Amanda whispers "Eve, no!" but it's too late, and Eve bangs on Peter's door. Peter, still on the phone, let's her in, then finishes his conversation, saying something about ironing. Before Eve can explode, however, Peter apologizes for his tardiness, saying this important phone call came up at the last second. Eve tells Peter she was worried that he was standing her up. Peter assures her the complete opposite is true, saying, "Are you kidding? I've been looking forward to seeing you all day." Or, was it, "I've been looking forward to seeing all of you today." In any case, the music starts playing in the background, and it's not that wailing guitar either, but a mellow acoustic, and Peter does get to see all of Eve, as the two of them strip naked and through a series of close-ups and dissolves, they make whoopee.
[Public Park] Ryan and Megan are on a basketball court, Megan sort of just standing in the paint while Ryan autistically dribbles around her and jumps, legs twisted, as he throws up a prayer that is not answered. Megan watches this and asks, "So, this is basketball?" Ryan throws the ball at her and tells her to take it back. Ryan gives Megan a little more than a hand check, and the two of them exchange flirtatious comments. I must admit, Megan did look cute here as she demanded a free throw. Suddenly, there's the sound of screeching tires, and Megan and Ryan see a small puppy standing in the street, barely escaping being grilled. Megan runs over and pulls the doggie to safety. "No identification" she says, "Obviously an irresponsible owner." Worse yet, the blue collar totally clashed with the puppy's reddish coat! The two decide to take the puppy back to their apt, hiding it from Amanda, until they can find the owner.
[Photo Shoot] Poor Jane has come down with a case of SMBS, "Super Model Bitch Syndrome." She's moaning and groaning that the $10,000 dress doesn't fit right, she doesn't feel beautiful, she hates being told how to smile... Alex is doing all he can to get her to cooperate, kissing her ass (something he'd do anyway), but Jane storms out to her dressing room, telling Amanda that she quits, and they had better start looking for another model. Alex pulls Amanda aside, telling her he wants Jane, Jane wants Michael, and if Amanda wants Alex Bastion's account she had better get him what he wants. Amanda runs to Jane's dressing room to find out why Jane can't put on a dress and flash a smile. Jane tells Amanda she's sick of the way Alex is drooling all over her. When Amanda counters by saying, women, and maybe even some men, would line up around the block to be worshipped by Alex, Jane says, "That's the point. I don't want him to worship me." Then Jane adds that she hasn't been able to say no to Alex yet, and what if she never can. Amanda answers, "Then dump Michael and marry Alex." Jane leaves.
[MP Courtyard] Ryan and Megan enter the courtyard with the puppy, who they affectionately named "Buddy." (What's scarier? The fact that Ryan and Megan have the same creative thinking as President Clinton, or that Clinton thinks the same way as the two of them?!) They look around for Amanda, then make a beeline for Ryan's apartment. The stupid part is, after all their stealth efforts trying to get to the apartment without being seen, once they make it to the front door, they stand out there for the whole world to see while Ryan tries to convince Megan to come in for a drink. Finally, Megan runs off, and Ryan stands there, dog in arm, saying Megan is his.
[MP, Michael's Apt] Jane shows up, telling Michael she needs some good ol' fashion lovin'. She stays over at his place.
[MP, Peter's Apt] Peter's answering machine gets a call from Eve, who's calling from the Upstairs Club during a break between sets. Peter is just getting out of the shower so he didn't answer the phone in time. Anyway, Eve's beginning to seem a little obsessive, as she tells Peter how much she misses him already and that she's never been so happy in her life. Hey, the kid hasn't gotten any for years, of course she's going to be happy. She says maybe she'll stop by after work, then ends her message by thanking him for last night, as well as this morning.
[Upstairs] After leaving the message on Peter's machine, a smiling Eve hobbles back to the stage, where she proceeds to sing the love ballad (song is now available in MP Store), "I Can't Make You Love Me" (M. Reid/A. Shamblin). I add this tidbit for those who keep writing in asking what's the name of this song or that. As Eve sings, we watch as Peter stands around his apartment, contemplating life as best one can while wrapped in a bath towel. I'll give you 3-to-2 odds, her favorite movie is "Boxing Helena."
[MP, Michael's Apt] Michael and Jane wake to some raucous in the other room. Moments later, Amanda bursts into their bedroom, continuing her unorthodox landlord practices. Amanda boasts, "I have been a loyal employer, a respectful employer, but that doesn't change the fact that all my employees are running around having romances, while I'm stuck cleaning up their messes." Needless to say, she hasn't had the cleanest life lately herself. Amanda tells Jane she will not stand around and lose the Alex Bastion account since once one high profile client leaves, others will follow. She orders Jane to apologize to Alex, then give him back the modeling fee she was paid, as well as cover all expenses incurred in the photo shoot. Jane, who's missing "no" from her vocabulary, nods in agreement despite Michael's protests.
[MP Courtyard] Amanda leaves Michael's apt, only to find Eve washing her feet in the shallow end of the pool and asks, "What are you doing?" Eve tells Amanda that Peter is avoiding her. Eve concludes, "Hell, you give a guy sex and he runs. I've been down this road before. You know how that ended." Amanda tells Eve that Peter isn't like that, but Eve replies that not even Amanda can help her.
[Burns-Mancini Medical Office] Amanda decides she CAN help Eve, so she pays Peter a visit. Amanda tells Peter she knows he slept with Eve, to which Peter responds, "What, did you read that in the building newsletter?" Amanda tells Peter not to hurt Eve, then jumps to the conclusion that Peter is simply using Eve to make her jealous. Peter laughs this last thought off and the two of them enter the elevator. Suddenly, the lights go out and the elevator comes to a screeching halt. The emergency light comes on and Amanda tells Peter to do something. Peter asks what he should do, so Amanda tells him, "I don't know. Something," which is about as useful as her conversation with Peter was at trying to help Eve.
[MP, Courtyard] Michael strolls in as Ryan is outside, fidgeting with his porch light. Despite being in complete darkness, Ryan sees Michael and shouts down to him, "What's going on with the lights?" Michael tells him he heard on the car radio that the entire city lost power. Michael then almost pulls a Brooke Armstrong, accidentally falling into the pool. Only Michael lives to tell about it. Ryan, showing how bad his acting can be and why he's a McBride, cups his hand to his mouth in a vain attempt at uncontrollable laughter, saying "Watch out for the pool man!" (Speaking of which, a visit from Pool Boy is definitely overdue.)
[Elevator at Burns-Mancini Medical Office] Peter and Amanda talk about relationships. Peter talks about being afraid of hurting the one he gets involved with, and he tells Amanda he doesn't want to do to Eve what he did to her. Borrrrrring.
[Upstairs] Kyle is sitting at the piano, basically playing one note over and over, disguised by hitting some adjacent keys every now and then. Eve walks in, catching Kyle by surprise. Kyle admits that even Amanda doesn't know about his dexterity on the ivories, commenting that everyone's got their secrets. Wink. Wink. Nod. Nod. Eve promises his secret is safe with her. Kyle's passing the time while waiting for Amanda, but wonders what Eve's excuse is. They both talk about how they get carried away with their feelings towards Peter, both wanting to give Peter a blow to the body, only in different areas.
[MP, Michael's Apt] Michael, drenched from falling in the pool, is being toweled-off by Jane. If there's one lesson I learned this episode, it's that the taste of overly-chlorinated water dripping from every pore of a male's body drives women nuts. For instance, Jane is toweling off Michael, but without even using a towel! She tells Michael she'd rather not talk and starts kissing him again. Then Michael remembers, he left his TV and clock radio in the car, and Jane suggests he go get them because she heard there's been looting going on in the neighborhood. So Michael heads to his car, while Jane heads back to her place to wait for Michael with candles and champagne.
[MP, Front of Building] Just as Michael has the TV and clock radio in hand, a police car spots him and mistakes him for a looter. Their siren chirps and their lights flash as they pull over and tell Michael to first put down the loot, then to spread eagle against the car. Michael tries to explain that he's moving into this building, "4616." First, one of the cops asks Michael if he has receipts for the items, but Michael says the TV is 6 yrs old. Then Michael tells the cop he's a doctor, so the officer asks "Do you have a driver's license, or a stethoscope?" Since Michael's ID is drying in his apt, and his black bag is nowhere to be found, the only device Michael has to show them is his colonoscope, which he does. Sometimes, people refer to this gesture as "giving someone the bird." The next thing Michael knows, he's handcuffed and in the back seat of the cruiser.
[MP, Ryan's Apt] Ryan, Megan, and Buddy are sitting around in the dark. Ryan pours a Megan some wine, but she seems dissatisfied. "I could pour you a warm beer if you like?" Ryan says. Megan passes on the warm beer. So, Ryan opens his mouth again, this time saying "Normally, I'd put some music on now, but the power's out." Even Megan can figure this one out, Sherlock! Ryan wants to impress Megan so bad. He gets an idea, and leads Megan into the bedroom. Megan hesitates, but it ends up there's a fire escape from his bedroom window that leads up to the roof, a spot Amanda probably doesn't even know about. Luckily for Ryan there's a blackout, so that the city lights aren't there to drown out the stars in the sky. Ryan pulls the ol' "I love the stars" routine on Megan, and the two start kissing. Until, that is, Megan realizes what's going on and she pulls back and leaves.
[MP, Jane's Apt] Jane, who's back has been to the front door for who knows how long, is still standing in this position when a figure enters. He comes up behind her and starts kissing her, as she coos, "What took you so long?" She turns and they kiss, at which point she realizes that it's not Michael's tongue she feels. She recognizes the mysterious figure as Alex, and for the first time, actually rebuffs his advances. He tells her they belong together, then leaves.
[Cop Car] While Michael drones on about this being a false arrest, the MacGruder and Loud wannabes continue to cruise the neighborhood, looking for more looting-doctors. They spot a group of them down the street, and yell "Hey! Hey!" as they approach. The two of "L.A.'s Finest" jump out of their car after the scattering suspects, leaving the ignition running of course. And wouldn't you know it, the police car gets stolen, with Michael still handcuffed in the back.
[Elevator] Somehow, the elevator has gotten brighter since we last saw Amanda and Peter. "If Kyle were he'd know what to do" Amanda chirps. "Oh Kyle, Kyle, Kyle" Peter mouths, "He's such a handyman to have around. He can storm the beach for you, or take out a scud, or when it's done, he can whip up a Spanish omelette for ya'." So Peter gets the bright idea to lift Amanda up over his shoulders and out through the trap door in the ceiling of the elevator. Of course, once she's up there, then where? Who knows, but at least Peter will have fun doing it. Once he gets Amanda up and on top of the elevator, a cell phone rings. It's Amanda's phone, but Peter has to answer it. Naturally, it's Kyle calling, and naturally he gets even more jealous at the sound of Peter's voice. Peter hands the phone to Amanda saying, "It's for you. It's Carl."
[Parking Lot of HRD Store] The stolen cop car is parked outside an electronics store, and the punk who stole the car is now filling it up with TV's, satellite dishes, and the like. The police radio is broadcasting that the stolen police vehicle is in the Melrose District, the suspect being a Caucasian male, age 25 - 35, dark eyes, dark hair, i.e., Michael, when the real crime here is that the taxpayers are paying the salary of those two bumbling idiots who let their car get stolen in the first place. When the hoodlum goes in for more loot, Michael jumps out from the back seat, and drives off with the car.
[MP, Ryan's Apt] Megan returns to get the sweater she left. Then she leaves a few more words for Ryan, telling him he's not her type and to leave her alone. She leaves, Ryan grabs the puppy and says "C'mon. We don't need her," then takes the doggie with him into the bedroom.
[Police Department, Melrose Division] Michael drives straight (relatively, considering he's wearing handcuffs) to the police station. He hops out of the car, where he finds about a dozen cops just standing around in the parking lot. I guess if there not in donut shops, this is the next best place to loiter. Anyway, Michael is greeted with the barrel each of these gun nuts, whose only difference from the other pistol-packin' maniacs in L.A. is that they took the time to go to the police academy.
[Upstairs] Amanda somehow gets out from the elevator and heads over to meet Kyle at the club, where he is obviously toasted and jealous, his M.O. Amanda explains the Peter-Eve relationship to Kyle, then starts kissing him and "hitting him below the belt." (That's a new way to describe it, I guess.)
[MP, Courtyard] Peter returns home, but before he unlocks his door, he turns to go see Eve. She's just getting back herself, and brushes past him, figuring she's been used and disposed of. But Peter tells her he wants to have a relationship with her. As they kiss, Lexi shows up. Peter and Eve take refuge in her apt. Lexi says her A/C is out and asks if she can use the pool. Seems she's been taking swimming lessons, which must be an accelerated course, since she proceeds to do a jackknife dive into the pool, followed by a couple laps doing the backstroke. Did I mention she's stripped naked? She catches Ryan watching her from his window and invites him in, only he declines, saying he wouldn't want to ruin her fun.
[To Be Continued...] Last Modified November 3, 1998 |
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