|
|
|
|
|
Melrose Place
[MP, Megan's Apt] Jane comes over to Megan's and pounds on her door. When Megan opens it, Jane greets her with the standard Melrose salutation between two women by saying, "Are you two having an affair?" referring to Michael. Megan stutters out a no, then adds, "I'd have to be brain-dead to make that mistake twice." Ahem, I think that's exactly why Jane was asking. Jane realizes how that she's getting to be as bad as Michael and leaves. On her way out, she runs into Eve in the courtyard. "You must be Eve" Jane concludes, although from what criteria we'll never know. Eve replies, "You must be Megan," admitting she's been memorizing the names on the mailbox. And once she's got that down pat, she's plans on starting on the West Hollywood White Pages. Unfortunately, she gets her first one wrong, and Jane corrects her, then adds some advice, "You just might want to stay on your toes around here. I can count the survivors on one hand."
[MP Courtyard] Peter strolls into the courtyard next. At first I wondered what the heck he was doing wandering around there, but then I remembered, he lives in the building, too, now. Eve tells him she's renting Apt #7, then asks, "Would you like some sushi?" Peter says thanks but no thanks, since, after looking at Eve, he obviously had an urge for a fish taco instead. Peter does manage to maintain his composure however, and asks Eve out on a date. She accepts.
[MP, Amanda's Apt] Meanwhile, up in the castle tower, Amanda peers down upon the courting in the courtyard. Ryan is over, and the two are supposedly working on some sort of advertising project although I couldn't name one client account to save my life. Amanda tells Ryan what a "parade of human drama" it is outside. Amanda points to Megan vacuuming in her underwear. Well, now Ryan's glued to the window, too, so I guess no work's going to get done tonight! The phone rings. It's Eve. With sophomoric glee she informs Amanda that hunky Peter Burns just asked her out. Amanda whispers for her to meet down in the laundry room. Amanda tells Ryan she has to check on some laundry, but Ryan is too busy watching some laundry of his own doing some house chores below to care.
[Laundry Room] As soon as Amanda enters the laundry room, Eve starts rambling about sushi and fishy smells and Peter drooling and eventually him asking her on a date. Amanda tells Eve that Peter's been after her number since day one. Eve asks if Peter's unattached. Amanda assures Eve he is, saying "He's divorced... from me, actually." At hearing this startling news, Eve's mouth drops open so wide, Peter would've gone crazy had he been there. Then a little more of Eve's secret is revealed when she says, "What? Oh my God. That is so weird. Of all the men in L.A. Wait. Of course, what am I saying? Of course the same man's going to find us both attractive, isn't that the way it's always been." Amanda replies, "Yes, but not always with the greatest results." Eve frowns and says, "I wasn't talking about that." Eve quickly changes the subject, asking Amanda if she'll help her get ready for the date, answering all the usual questions, like should she wear pants or skirt, blouse or sweater, diaphragm or sponge...?
[Burns-Mancini Medical Office] Jane storms into Michael's office, where Michael is busy behind his desk this late evening. "What will starving me for sex accomplish?" Jane demands to know. When Michael asks her why she thinks that's what he's up to she answers, "Puhleeze! I know your libido like the back of my hand." Which, by the way, she's probably become much more acquainted with these past few days, if she's as starved her for sex as she makes it sound! Anyway, in a rare moment, not much seen since Season 5, Jane jumps Michael and they engage in position #23, described in "The Guide to Office Sex" book, as she rides him while still in his high back leather chair.
[Wilshire Memorial] The next day, Michael tells Peter that he broke down and had wild sex with Jane, ruining his "Jane test." Peter tells Michael he was never really a fan of this test anyway, adding some psycho-babble he had left on his palette from the days when he'd analyze Kimberly, and ending with the advice that Michael hurry up and marry Jane as fast as he can before he goes and blows it. Michael's beady little eyes concur.
[Kyle's the Restaurant] Megan is having lunch again with Lexi. If this is part of the job, poor Megan, for she has to sit there and listen as Lexi whines about being horny and sex starved. Megan comments, "You sound like a man," causing Lexi to ask, "Whoever said we were different or had to be different?" Megan looks at Lexi, wondering if this could be leading up to an admission of hermaphroditism. But the focus changes when Amanda enters, telling Kyle, who's bartending at the time, that she's been nominated for Biz Line magazine's Woman of the Year award, and her plans to meet with the editor-in-chief Lexi overhears this and laughs. No doubt, Lexi also overheard where Amanda was planning on meeting the editor-in-chief for drinks later that evening. Ryan heads over to Megan and apologizes for the way he reacted the other night after she told him about her professional past. "I was a little shocked at first, but it doesn't matter" he says, implying "I've got a good job now and can afford you." Megan tells him there's more to it than her sordid past, and walks past him and out the door.
[MP, Amanda's Apt] Peter show up at Amanda's door, looking for Eve for their date, a nice evening at the Philharmonic followed by dinner (I would guess either at Kyle's Restaurant of Upstairs). Amanda is applying last minute touch-ups on Eve and tells Kyle to keep Peter company. Fortunately for Peter, Kyle decides to make small talk rather than entertain Peter with another drinking game.
[Alex Bastion's Design Office] Jane is over at Alex's working on the wedding gown. Michael shows up and tells her she won't need the dress anymore, unveiling his new wedding plan -- eloping to Vegas. Earlier, we witnessed the standard greeting between two women on the show, now we get to see the standard male-male salutation when Michael says hello to Alex with a punch in the nose. Alex claims Michael is afraid she'll sleep with him the night before this wedding, too. Jane doesn't want to elope, citing that the church is already reserved and the invitations already paid for (although what the big deal is about 10 invitations copied at Kinko's, is beyond me). When Jane tears up the non-refundable tickets to Sin City, Michael tells her she can rip up her invitation to the wedding as well, since he's fed up with her running to Alex's side every time there's an issue. I'm still wondering why Jane sent herself an invitation.
[The Stage Bar] This is the second time in two episodes that The Stage Bar is being featured. Is it possible there is more than one restaurant/club to go to here in L.A. after Shooters closed? The excitement never stops! While Amanda and Drew MacKenzie, the editor-in-chief of Biz Line magazine, pose for the photographer, Lexi perches herself at the opposite end of the bar. Amanda thanks Drew. Drew asks Amanda if she knows of any single women as beautiful and guest star-ish as her. Amanda laughs, knowing he's a pretty good fisherman and can land any fish he wants. Amanda leaves, and Lexi pops up, so close on Amanda's heels that she nearly scuffs them. It turns out that Lexi and Drew know each other, and Lexi proceeds to talk Drew into buying her dinner in his hotel room. "If we're lucky, maybe we'll even get around to eating it."
[Putt-Putt Course] Peter's date plans turn sour as he and Eve wind up in one of the last bastions of the American dating scene... a miniature golf course, surviving where the drive-in theater couldn't. Eve wanted to do something outdoorsy, so they end up playing putt-putt golf. Peter, fantasizing what he'd like to be doing with Eve, makes a hole in one, causing Eve to clap with the enthusiasm of a high schooler. Then she sees a weenie stand, causing her to practically orgasm. "Oh my God! Oh my God!" she screams. She orders a beefy frank and swallows it like an expert while Peter can only watch, speechless. When he's finally able muster enough letters to put together a sentence, he ends up calling her a virgin, saying, "By the looks of things, it might be the first one you ever had." Eve almost gags when she hears this, causing Peter to say "Hello. Where'd you go?" Quickly, Eve answers, "Where I never want to go again."
[Regency Hotel] Lexi and Drew are panting after a really good round under the sheets. Lexi asks if the winner of the award has been set in stone yet, or whether he might be able to sway the table towards someone like her. Drew tells her Amanda's got it locked up, but that she's on the right track for next year's vote. So Lexi hops out of bed, reassuring Drew that she'll sneak out the back door, since they both know how tongues wag in this town.
[MP, Amanda's Apt] Kyle catches Amanda peering out her window, waiting for Eve's return. Amanda explains this is her way of getting rid of Peter from their lives, by setting him up in another relationship. Moments later, Peter and Eve enter the courtyard. Peter tries to give Eve a goodnight kiss, but his tongue must've reminded Eve of that hot dog she ravished earlier, and she goes at Peter with gusto. Luckily, Peter can still talk afterward, and manages to say, "Easy," either referring to her kissing, or describing what he thinks of her. She apologizes, although Peter says it's alright and leaves. Kyle whispers in Amanda's ear, "Good going, matchmaker."
[MP, Eve's Apt] Amanda goes over to Eve's in the morn to find out all about the date with Peter. Eve tells Amanda everything went perfectly, up until the goodnight kiss, where she became a sex maniac, saying everything went downhill from there. Obviously, had it gone well she'd still be on the date right this minute. Anyway, Amanda tells Eve that suggesting a date with Peter maybe wasn't such a good idea after all. Only Eve has other ideas, saying she just didn't have time to think about what she was doing, so she decides to write down her true feelings in a letter, thus giving her a second chance.
[MP, Megan's Apt] Michael wakes up on a sofa, wondering where he is. It turns out that after leaving Jane and Alex last night, he went over to Megan's and drank himself to sleep. Megan tells him to stop this manipulating of Jane, that this was the trait she hated most about him. This is news to Michael, who always thought it was his lying and cheating. He stumbles out to the courtyard, and for some reason, right when Jane is coming down the stairs from her/Kyle's apt. She cries out that she knew Michael was having an affair. She's not getting to be like Michael, she's worse. Now for a Melrose first: As any true Melrosian knows, Melrose time is accelerated in relation to real life. However, here's an instance where time actually slows down rather than speeds up. Jane reminds Michael that the wedding is in three weeks. But, just last week it was in two! I know, this is amazing. Jane says she'll be testing him from now until the wedding, by moving back to the apartment complex. They'll date. And, if he lies even once, then the wedding's off.
[Health Club] Lexi, and a bunch of other physically fit female execs, strenuously bounce around to a high intensity aerobics workout, being led by a male version of Rhonda (Blair). "You go guy!" as she would say. Afterwards, a shower scene would be too steamy and detract from the dialogue, so Spelling has the denizens of the club stand around patting the perspiration from their cleavage, all the while talking about the upcoming Biz Line magazine awards and trashing Drew's name in the process. Lexi starts the rumor that she heard Amanda was a shoo-in for the award, adding that Amanda won by sleeping with Drew.
[MP Courtyard] Megan is swimming in the pool when Ryan comes out, wanting to do the same. She tells Ryan about the rumor, then suggests maybe he tell Amanda. But then, good ol' McBride logic steps in, causing yet another ill decision to be made. Ryan decides this is one topic he's going to let slide. After all, it's just the reputation of his brother's wife that's at stake.
[Burns-Mancini Medical Office] It's after 6 o'clock, and Peter and Michael are sharing a beer while watching a football game on the big screen TV that apparently has replaced the receptionist. Michael says he's banished from his house (apparently, he doesn't understand the conditions of Jane's test). Peter, is still there, trying to think out what to do about Eve. The two doctors get into some guy talk, and eventually Peter shows Michael the letter, laughing and saying how no one's been this naive since way back when Samantha Reilly first joined the cast. Unfortunately, as they were talking, Eve had showed up and let herself into the office, overhearing all their comments, including one about her watching too many chick movies and another about her living in a cave. When Peter realizes she's there, he tries to explain as well as apologize, but she barks, "Just stay away from me," obviously forgetting that Peter *was* staying away from her and that she was the one doing the pursuing.
[Public Park] Reenacting the movie "White Men Can't Jump," Ryan and Kyle provide some comedic relief to all the other kids in the park who really can play b-ball. In between double-dribbles, Ryan tells Kyle about the rumor he heard. Kyle asks, "Slept with the g... Yeah. Right. Do you believe it?" Ryan answers, "Kyle, I know Amanda." Yeah, for a whole 3 weeks or so. Look how long Kyle's known her, and by the look on his face right now, he's not even sure. The scene ends with a wild three-point attempt by Kyle that was apparently supposed to go in, but after 50 or so "takes," the director probably decided to leave the brick shot in.
[Women's Clothing Store] Jane and Amanda are shopping for something to wear to the awards ceremony. Amanda finds a nice Alex Bastion design and goes to the dressing room to try it on. As she walks by a couple of women, dressed in gray and hanging out next to a mannequin, in a vain attempt at looking more glamorous than they actually are, Jane overhears them talking about Amanda. "I can't believe she's going to show her face at the awards" one chirps. When Jane asks them what they're talking about, they tell her that they heard Amanda won the award, and how she won it, too. They may not be talking about Monica anymore, but these two sure look like her. Jane defends Amanda, saying Amanda barely (no pun intended) knows Drew MacKenzie, is married, and would never sleep with him in order to win. The two gossip mongers run off, but before Amanda can chase after them, Jane stops her. Jane tells her it's just gossip. Amanda wonders how long until everybody's talking about it.
[Jane's (Kyle's) Apt] Michael and Jane arrive home to her place. Michael goes to the kitchen to pour them some wine while Jane plays back the messages on her answering machine. There's one message, and it's from Alex, the Bastion, who has called to ask her out to the awards ceremony. Michael frowns, figuring "the early bird gets the girl." But Jane assures Michael she wants to go with him. In what will definitely be one of the top five quotes of the week, when Michael says, "I'm really really terrible at this courtship thing" Jane replies, "You're pretty weak in the relationship area as well.". Michael says his redeeming quality is his prowess in the bedroom, so Jane tells him to prove it. They start disrobing each other to the romantic sounds of that wailing electric guitar, and as they kiss, Michael can't help but glance up at the camera. Jane pulls his head back to her and he continues to prove himself. Meanwhile, who should be peeking in through the window shutters than Alex Bastion himself. He cringes, bites his lip, then leaves.
[AWA] Kyle got lonely, so he goes to the ad agency where he finds Amanda trying to write an acceptance speech for an award she now hopes she won't win. She just can't seem to get past her opening line which reads, "I did not have sexual relations with that man..." Not an auspicious start. Amanda tells Kyle there's a rumor out there, but before she say what it is, Kyle finishes it for her, saying Ryan already told him. Amanda can't believe the whole world has heard the rumor already. Amanda asks Kyle if he has his doubts too. Kyle pulls an Alfred E. Newman, saying "What, me worry?" Amanda tells Kyle she's screwed, whether she wins or not.
[Upstairs Rock 'N Roll Club] I don't know, is jazz dead? It seemed to be the one good thing going for this show. Anyway, Eve Cleary is performing tonight, so you tell me what sort of music it is. Her set ends and Peter runs up to her to apologize. She tries to escape but Peter catches her. She says, "Look, we shared a hot dog and a few laughs. It was no big deal." Hmm, it sounds as though the writers are trying to skimp on new dialogue again, regurgitating lines they had Megan saying back when she was first introduced a couple seasons ago. Anyway, Eve is decked out in her Courtney Cox look, and it's driving Peter wild. He says he wants to be more than "Friends" though, and tells her he'll be waiting for her at the putt-putt course tomorrow night at 8 o'clock. He adds that the things she said in her note were, "nice."
[Sterling-Conway Enterprises] Drew MacKenzie storms by Megan on his way to confront Lexi, mad as hell at her for starting this rumor, which has now made it back to New York. While he's busy yelling at Lexi, Megan hangs around in the hallway just outside the office in order to eavesdrop. I don't know what Megan does there exactly, but I have yet to see her office or cubicle space, and have only seen her loitering about Lexi's door, now that I think about it. Drew tells Lexi she can kiss ever getting nominated goodbye, but Lexi says she already got everything she wanted from the award, and that she didn't hear any complaints while he was eating the other night in his hotel room. Or even afterward, when they had dinner! Drew leaves in a huff, and passes Megan in the hall, sort of stooped over in an eavesdropping position, holding a bunch of manila folders. All Megan can do is press her belly and let out a sigh.
[MP, Amanda's Apt] Kyle announces that the limo will be arriving in 10 minutes, yet Amanda hasn't even dressed yet and is watching WWF instead. She refuses to go, feeling she'd be the laughingstock of the ceremony. So Kyle picks her up, takes her into the bedroom and proceeds to dress her, black pumps and all. After he finishes, there's still a couple of minutes until the limo is supposed to arrive, so Amanda decides she'd like for him to make love to her. More wailing guitar music.
[Putt-Putt Course] Peter has been waiting around all eve, despite no Eve. Finally, a young maiden runs up, clad in an ugly puke-green and blue dress. I guess Peter could rule out her being late because she couldn't decide what to wear. She's sort of surprised that Peter is still there, saying she almost didn't come because it felt "risky." Then she asks if "risky" is the correct word. Peter says, "No, no, I know what you're feeling," figuring the word she's looking for is "horny." Eve confesses that she's never really been in a real relationship before and that's the reason for her earlier tongue wrestling. Peter admits he's been in many relationships, calling himself "damaged goods." He says it's hard to open up to new people. Eve guesses he's referring to Amanda. They agree to wipe the slate clean and start fresh as a summer's eve. Peter offers her his tongue again, possibly leading to them sharing yet another "hot dog."
[Regency Hotel] Every one who is anybody is here at the Biz Line Magazine Woman of the Year Awards. We're talking Megan, Ryan, Lexi, Jane, Michael. Megan tells Ryan she thinks she knows how the rumor got started, so Ryan tells her she should tell Amanda. Suddenly, there's a buzz in the room and people's heads start turning, when they see that Amanda has decided to show her face here after all. She and Kyle and Jane and Michael sit down at the same table, and Jane orders Michael to get champagne for all of them. Michael abides, and while he's at the bar, Megan approaches him with a note she wants him to deliver to Amanda. Megan explains that she can't give it to Amanda personally because if Lexi saw her, she would get fired. So Megan slips a piece of paper into Michael's jacket pocket. Of course, she does this so clumsily that everyone in the room can see her, including Jane. Michael returns to the table with the champagne, but he is unable to deliver the note because at that same moment, Kyle decides to do his Yule Brenner impersonation, saying to Amanda, "Shall we dance?" The two of them head off to the dance floor. Jane, however, reaches into Michael's pocket and removes Megan's note, and before Michael can explain, Jane reads it: "Meet me in the ladies room. -Megan" Jane is fuming, and decides to confront Megan, "head-to-head" in the restroom, so to speak. Jane finds Megan in the ladies room, and tells her to leave Michael alone, that he's hers now. Megan tells Jane the note was for Amanda, explaining how Lexi found out about Amanda winning the award and taking it from there. Jane, feeling like a pompous ass, says she'll relay the message to Amanda pronto, which she does. Then the big moment -- Drew announces the candidates for Woman of the Year: "Amanda Woodward, Amanda Woodward Advertising. Michelle Stevens, CEO of Denzen Pharmaceuticals. And Doris Engle, CFO Whitehead Systems." (Seems the writers had a moment of creativity and actually created some half-realistic sounding company names for a change!) Of course, Amanda wins so she goes up to accept the long, glass phallic trophy and give her speech. Only, she says she can't accept the award because she didn't sleep with Drew, and everyone knows that's the only way to win. Amanda continues by saying Drew shouldn't be looking for a woman with integrity and conviction, but rather one "...who can back-stab, cheat and lie as good as the next guy. I'm talking master manipulators, rumor mongers, gossips, and I'm afraid I don't measure up in those areas... I want to make sure it goes to the woman who really deserves it. A woman so low that she would resort to starting a rumor to destroy a person's reputation for no other reason then the fun of it. So let's put them together for Lexi Sterling, the lowest of the lowest, and my personal choice, for woman of the year." There's a smattering of applause, as Amanda walks over to Lexi's table, and places the phallic award in front of Lexi. Well, at least now Lexi will have something to help her through those lonely nights.
[To Be Continued...] Last Modified October 27, 1998 |
|
|
|
| [Season 4] [Season 5] [Season 6] [Season 7] | ||