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Melrose Place
[Beach House] This episode begins with the jarring sound of an alarm clock, Spelling's vain attempt to wake the viewers from their tiresome, episode-induced comatose. Jane and Michael wake in each other's arms. Michael comments how nice this feels, prompting Jane to quickly question him about the time he spent with Megan last week, asking whether he had "sexual relations." To this, Michael can easily answer no. They promise to never lie to each other again, and they bond, but only spiritually, since a knock at the door prevents Michael from attempting any physical bonding positions. As he gets up to answer the door, Jane tells him she got a job working for Amanda, and has already landed a big client. Michael, so accustomed to answering the door and coming face-to-face with those Jehovah's Witness fellows in white shirts and ties, handing out that "free" Watch Tower crap, that his natural reflex kicks in and he punches the visitor in the face. Only, this time it's not another religious fanatic, but Alex Bastion. Jane rushes over to help Alex up, telling Michael that Alex is the big client she was referring to. Whether she was reflecting back to that night when she had sex with Alex, or if big meant revenue-wise, we may never know. Alex apologizes and decides it's better to let his fingering do the talking, so he tells Jane he'll get "ahold" of her later. Jane gets upset with Michael for hitting Alex, but Mikey explains it was the way Alex said hello that caused him to lose his temper. Plus, Michael says he could tell by the way Jane looked at Alex while sprawled out on the ground, that she still had feelings for the fashion designer.
[MP Apt Complex] Kyle and Ryan are shown in various stages of dress, as they prepare for a little brotherly one-on-one basketball. Ryan eyes Megan as she heads... hey, she doesn't even know where she's going, how should I? Back in the bedroom, Amanda's bed sheets have actually been changed from the usual leopard set to some solid shade of red. As Kyle and Ryan run off, Amanda wakes up and peers at them from her window. She then goes to the bookcase, pulls out the torn sheet from the journal, and has that flashback of somebody pushing somebody else off of somewhere. My TV speakers rattle as the black & white scene flashes by.
[Public Park] Kyle and Ryan proceed to play a game of b-ball. Kyle scores with a finger roll, then hand checks Ryan, causing the little bro to throw the ball at Kyle and start whining, "If you don't want me here, just say so." Kyle says he just wants to win, and as Ryan dribbles, Kyle bumps him again. Ryan throws the ball at Kyle one more time and starts crying, making Kyle glad he joined the marines rather than going to college and becoming sissy-whipped. Kyle admits to Ryan that he believes Amanda is hiding a secret about Peter. Kyle thinks Amanda read Matt's secret about Peter, then ripped the page out from the journal, and it's driving Kyle crazy. Ryan asks, "Did you ask her about it?" Kyle answers, "Yeah, and she blew me off." Ryan grabs himself and his eyes roll into the back of his head, imagining how good that must've felt. "Ohhh, yeah" he sighs.
[Sterling-Conway Enterprises] Lexi is yelling at one of her subordinates for not landing any clients for her newly formed advertising firm. Then Megan shows up, asking for a job, so Lexi fires the woman she had just finished tongue whipping, under the pretense of "not knowing squat about advertising." Of course, she hires Megan, who's only real job ever was Manager of Nothing at Burns-Mancini-Coop. This is good enough for Lexi, however, whose storylines become more unbelievable with each passing week. First, bamboozling her way out of that tax fraud situation, keeping the money despite her sham of a marriage to Coop. Now Lexi hires Megan to help her make her company a biggest bad advertising agency on Melrose Place? The next thing you know, she'll blackmail Peter, for sex of all things, by dangling his kidnapping scheme in his face!
[AWA] Jane bursts into Amanda's office, informing her that she may have lost the Bastion account. Amanda assures her all is well, saying she just spoke with Alex who's nursing a sore jaw, not a grudge. Jane breathes a sigh of relief, then says, "I don't understand Michael. He's still acting like a petty jealous fool." Which shows she and Michael are made for each other, considering in the opening scene, she jealously jumps to the conclusion that Michael may have slept with Megan the week before!
[Burns-Mancini Medical Office] Michael enters Peter's office to talk about that S.O.B.(son-of-Bastion), Alex, but Peter is too preoccupied with his private phone, which he lets ring and ring and ring. When Peter finally does answer it, no one's one the other end. Still, Peter yells some obscenities until the caller hangs up. Michael asks for Peter's advice on how to hold onto Jane. Peter tells Michael for some inexplicable reason, Jane loves him, and that's all it takes. Peter asks, "You're going to risk your happiness on a 'What if?'," which leads Michael to devise a plan where he'll starve Jane of sex for awhile and see if she sleeps with Alex, or stays faithful with him. On a more interesting note, by this point in the show, I noticed the closed-captioning has already made three mistakes!
[Upstairs Jazz Club] Time is always accelerated on Melrose Place, and so when Megan enters Kyle's office to give him her 2-week's notice, it ends up being only 2-minute's instead. Unfortunately for Megan, Kyle has taken the night off, leaving the place in his younger brother's hands. Ryan introduces himself to Megan. Then he asks her to dinner, but she declines the offer, telling him she doesn't have dinner with younger brothers of ex-employers. Megan adds, "It's a big city. I'm sure you'll find somebody to eat with." Although, for such a big city, why is it that Kyle's seems like practically the only restaurant in town?
[MP, Amanda's Apt] Amanda finally arrives home late into the evening. Kyle, upset that she is using work as an excuse not to talk, shows her up by running out as soon on her, not talking to her because he has to go to work now.
[Dr. Visconti's House] Peter stops by to talk about the prank calls he's been receiving lately. Dr. Visconti, dressed in his Dom Deluise chef suit, tells Peter he shouldn't have told Lexi about the kidnapping. Peter tells the doctor he never told Lexi anything, but Visconti disagrees, and as he recounts Lexi's last therapy session, it becomes obvious he was tricked, that Lexi knew nothing and Visconti volunteered everything. When Visconti realizes what's happened, that even his character has been written to be just another dumb male role, his body shudders and he gasps, "Oh God, the humanity!" Peter adds, "We've been had, doc. By the biggest bitch of them all." (That is, if you don't count Linda Tripp!)
[AWA] Julie, Amanda's most recent go-fer, brings Amanda a plane ticket for San Francisco, telling Amanda she's got to leave immediately if she wants to catch the flight. Julie asks how she can reach Amanda, but Amanda tells her she can't and that Jane is to handle things while she's gone. I guess Jane must assume the role now that Amanda's number one man is gone. (Speaking of which, I was wondering what new show Billy will be on now that he's history, and what the name of his new character will be? I'm betting his name will be something like "Jersey Johnson." Just like when Alison left for Georgia and then her next role ended up with the name "Georgia Thomas." But I digress.) Amanda tells Julie that absolutely no one can know about this trip to the Bay City. Then Amanda stares at her airline tix, which triggers that same black and white flashback she gets whenever she stares at the missing page from Matt's journal. And I begin to wonder if this also happens every time she stares at her Cheerios box while eating her cereal in the morning?
[Burns-Mancini Medical Office] Peter gets another prank phone call, only this time Lexi speaks up. She calls under the pretense of checking on Peter's health, but eventually tells Peter she needs to see him in person. "I wouldn't ask if this wasn't a matter of great urgency." (She's got an urge all right!) They agree to meet at Kyle's club later that night. Then Michael enters, showing Peter he's reading up on body language and what it means. Peter asks what it means when someone touches their nose. I recently learned how many times a person blinks per minute while addressing the public is related to honesty.
[Upstairs Jazz Club] First of all, I'm beginning to think I'm going to have to change how I refer to Kyle's "jazz" club, because once again, the band playing makes you feel like you're watching a scene at the "After Dark" club on 90210. (It's bad enough that Laura Leighton is now on 90210, making it feel like MP!) In this week's longest scene, it's a fine example of how limited the restaurant scene has become over there around La Brea and Melrose. Practically everyone on the show is here. At one table, Lexi and Peter meet and Peter tells her he knows she's the prank caller. When Peter asks what she wants, she says she wants him. "I just can't decide whether you'd look better behind bars, or in my bed." Then Megan walks in for some take-out. Meanwhile, Kyle and Ryan are stuffing their faces. Ryan sees Megan and thinks she's got an eye for him. He keeps ducking behind Kyle, asking Kyle to peek and see if Megan's looking back at him. Kyle chuckles and says, "Why do I feel we're back in high school?" Ryan tells Kyle that he can't ask Megan out because she kind of rejected him already. But, Ryan suggests that Kyle could ask Megan out for him, prompting Kyle to say, "We are back in high school." (Hmm, maybe this time Kyle can graduate.) Eventually, Kyle goes over and forces Megan to share a dinner table with his little brother. While Megan plays hard to get; Ryan plays to get hard. And at yet another table, Jane, Alex, and Michael assemble for dinner. Michael asks Alex about his nose. Alex, caught off guard by such an unexpected and pointed question, admits that he and Jane slept together. Michael tells Alex the punch wasn't for the past, but as a warning for the future. Back at Ryan and Megan's table, Megan blows off the young McBride, and I don't mean the way she did in the old days.
[MP, Amanda & Kyle's Apt] Amanda arrives home from her trip to San Fran, finding Kyle in the dark, watching football highlights on TV. Kyle comments that it seems like he never gets to see a live football game in L.A. these days, adding that he's not stupid. Finally, he says he knows she's hiding something from him, but that he's too stupid to figure out what.
[MP, Ryan's Apt] Amanda drops by with some files on Skyler Soap, a company that is bubbling for a new ad agency after 20 years. Amanda tells Ryan he's the only MBA in her company, so she'd like him to flaunt his degree in the CEO's face. I guess the rest of Amanda's staff must be former taxicab drivers, ballroom dance instructors, and the like...
[Desert Road] Ryan heads off to Jerome, AZ to meet with Skyler Soap, when he sees a broken down BMW on the side of the road in the middle of the desert. It turns out to be Megan, who was also on her way to pitch an ad campaign to Skyler Soap, but fell victim to a flat tire. Megan wants to know if Ryan is silk stalker, but Ryan says she must be confusing him with his brother. Ryan offers to help, but she says she can manage. So Ryan comes up with this lame story about watching The Discovery Channel the other night, and how he saw a documentary on Arizona desert snakes that take refuge under German automobiles. Well, this really frightens poor Megan, so she allows Ryan to change her tire for her. Only he soon discovers that her spare is flat, too. In the end, he offers Megan a ride to Jerome, telling her it's a "freebie."
[A Racquet Club] Michael has a towel boy lead him to the sauna, where a beautiful young blonde woman wearing nothing more than a white towel, is sitting. Obviously, this club does not pride itself in the safety of its club members. Michael enters, and proceeds to "accidentally" run into Jane. He tells her that he joined the gym to get in shape for their marriage, anticipating many more physical encounters with Alex. Jane tells Michael the things he said to Alex the other night made her very hot. The two of them start kissing and fondling each other, adding to the steam which is already making the scene hard to see. Suddenly, Michael pulls away from Jane, announcing that he doesn't think they should have sex until after they're married. Besides, he's afraid someone might walk in on them. So Jane locks the door, walks back over and proceeds to straddle her Mikey Jr. Frankly, I find the scene appalling. I mean, Jane's walking all around on that fungus-ridden floor sans slippers. Eew!
[Skyler Soap] Megan and Ryan arrive in Jerome. At the Skyler building, there's a big sign with Skyler Soap on it, and in smaller letters, "Jerome, AZ." So as not to be confused with that other Jerome, the sign adds, "USA." The two virgin ad execs enter the building, where they find an old geezer sitting behind a desk, who could've passed for Colonel Sanders had he been sporting a goatee. The guy says he can't speak with either of them today, but to come back tomorrow morning at 7 am.
[Upstairs Jazz Club] Peter drops by, wanting to talk with both Kyle and Amanda. Amanda tells Peter Kyle is busy giving the band directions, but suggests that she and Peter go up to the office to talk. Kyle notices out of the corner of his eye, Amanda and Peter sliding off out of sight. Once alone, Peter places a briefcase on the desk and tells Amanda it's the ransom money. In about half a minute, Peter explains to Amanda that this guy, Mr. Beck, owed him a favor for saving his life. So Peter used his Chance card and Mr. Beck got the money for him. Amanda thanks Peter by giving him a great big hug. Kyle walks in on them, and demands to know what's going on. Amanda shows him the money. For Kyle, 30 seconds of undivided attention can seem like an eternity, so when Kyle asks how Pete managed to get the million dollars back so easily, Peter replies, "It's a long story." Hopefully, Peter will recover from that Amanda squeeze and remember that $300,000 of that money was his to begin with.
[Motel in Jerome, AZ] Ryan stops by Megan's room, carrying some chips and beer. This motel is so cheap, that when Ryan knocks on her door, the force of his light rapping causes the door to swing open. Ryan steps in, then starts reading a People magazine Megan has tossed on her bed along with her ad campaign. Moments later, Megan returns and catches Ryan inside her place. She becomes upset, figuring Ryan is there for his "freebie" after giving hers earlier, even though Ryan insists that he only stopped by to share some chips and beer. Megan kicks Ryan out of her room, since she's already carrying her own bottle of beer, as well as a bowl of ice cubes, which she prefers over the taste of potato chips, especially with beer.
[MP, Amanda & Kyle's Apt] Amanda asks that Kyle not give Peter the third degree regarding how he got the ransom money back. Which causes Kyle to ask Amanda why she keeps protecting Peter. Amanda asks, "Protect Peter from what?" Of course, Kyle brings up Matt's journal again, as well as the missing page, which seems to have gotten more airtime than most pregnancies do on this show. Sadly, just like a pregnancy on MP, life must come to an end, and so it happens with Matt's journal. Amanda gets out of bed, grabs the book from her panties drawer, and lights the thing on fire. She lets it burn until it's a huge flame, then drops it into her kitchen sink. Kyle watches it for awhile, then heads to the bedroom. Luckily for Amanda, her building doesn't meet safety codes, so even though the book goes up in flames, at least they aren't disturbed by the annoying sound of a smoke detector. While the journal continues to burn in her sink, Amanda goes over to the bookcase and retrieves the torn out page. She lights it and tosses it in with the rest. As it burns, the camera focuses in on the word "PRISON."
[Skyler Soap] Early in the morning, Ryan and Megan arrive for their appointment, but the old man is not there. Then the two ad bozos notice some guys hanging a sign over the Skyler sign. Supposedly, some large conglomerate bought out Skyler Soap. And if you thought the Skyler Soap sign looked Mickey Mouse, you should see the cheesy sign being draped over it. With storylines like this one, it's no wonder people like Samantha left and Billy left and Craig left and Sydney left and Taylor left and Jake left and Alison left and... Ryan offers Megan a ride back to Phoenix to get her car.
[Eclipse Restaurant] Alex and Jane are having a dinner meeting. Jane can't keep her mind of Michael, so she calls him on his cell phone. Michael tells her he's at the gym, but actually he's at the same restaurant as Alex and Jane are, sitting at the hidden-by-plastic-plants table. After Jane hangs up, Alex admits he still has a thing for Jane. Jane says she has feelings for him, too, but not romantic ones. So Alex pulls that classic line about how it wouldn't hurt then, if he kissed her, which he proceeds to do. Michael goes crazy.
[Arizona Desert] As Ryan and Megan zoom down the road, there's a sudden pinging sound. Megan asks, "What's wrong?" What's wrong is Ryan rented a Chevrolet. They coast to the side of the road. Stranded, Ryan looks up at the stars. I don't know what it is about stars that gets a guy horny, or if it's the sound of the word "Uranus," but in any case, Ryan leans over and tries to kiss Megan, only to be rebuffed by her one more time. Megan explains that she doesn't want to get involved right now.
[Marina Condo] Peter pays Lexi a visit. It turns out that Lexi only wants to blackmail Peter for sex. She drops her dress, and becomes the latest to join the Melrose Navel Academy. But even this can't get Peter to go through with it. Lexi puts her dress back on and storms out the door, saying she's going to tell Amanda what Peter really did. Peter calls Upstairs to speak with Amanda, only Kyle answers the phone. Even though Amanda is an earshot away, Kyle says he can't find her right now. When Peter demands to speak with her, Kyle slams the phone down with a smile. I guess Kyle was right after all when he said he was back in high school.
[Upstairs] Lexi arrives at the club. She storms in, sees Amanda at the bar, and says, "Wait till the bitch hears this." I doubt she was referring to the wailing guitar, but nonetheless, it wails in all its glory, as Lexi approaches Amanda. Then Peter arrives, only experience the patent slo-mo on his face as he watches Lexi get Amanda's attention.
[To Be Continued...] Last Modified September 19, 1998 |
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