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Melrose Place
[MP, Jennifer's Apt] Sam, barely able to clothe herself with a bathrobe, jaunts up to Jennifer's, apparently in need of some more wonderful Mancini machinations, cleverly disguised by Jennifer as advice. But as soon as Sam opens her mouth, you realize she's there, as the saying goes, to rub salt in Jennifer's womb. Sam rags on Jennifer for a few minutes, ending their conversation by telling Jennifer "that time of the month" is over announcing "My period of confusion is over." Sam continues, adding "I've decided to work it out with Billy... so if his eye was beginning to wander, it won't anymore," referring to Billy's thingy as the eye of a needle. I guess Sam's been "pricked" by it before and that's how it got its name.
[MP, Taylor's Apt] Meanwhile, Michael shows up at Taylor's with his little black bag. To everyone's surprise, it actually contains medical equipment. Taylor, who seems to have digested a watermelon since finding out she was pregnant last episode (remember, things happen fast on this show!), had called Michael, complaining of a sharp pain all over. So Michael performs a thorough check-up, consisting of nothing more than a cold stethoscope to Taylor's tummy. Taylor rambles on and on about how much this baby means to her. Michael lets her listen to the stethoscope. "Wow!" she gasps, "it's so amazing. Sounds just like gas."
[MP, Coop's Apt] Coop and Megan are wrapped in each other's arms, smooching and doing other unsavory things with Megan's lips, when Coop makes that move for the edge of the bed. Megan begs him not to leave for work, saying it feels so much better than real life. Coop answers, "I wish I could slack off.." (I don't think "slack off" was the term Megan had in mind!). Coop explains that he has to get to work since his job in Philadelphia isn't close to being a done deal. He hops in the shower as Megan says how she wishes she could help. Well, no sooner than those words roll off the ex-prostitute's tongue that the phone rings. Larner delivers the news that Coop's made it to the next level. He invites both of them over, saying "We'd like to fly him, and you of course, to Philadelphia to meet the REST of the search committee," obviously referring to parts of his body she hasn't seen yet.
[Marina Del Rey] Peter is really so wound up from Michael's lawsuit and Coop leaving the company, that he forgot about that redhead in his bed. Lexi tries to remind him but he continues to harp about Coop abandoning him, leaving the entire lawsuit in his hands. Lexi reminds Peter that Coop is her business partner, so all she has to do is say he can't go. Hearing her say those words was never sexier, getting a rise out of Peter as well as bringing a smile to his face.
[MP, Taylor's Apt] As Kyle passes Taylor's door, she opens it to say hello. Taylor confesses she misses him playing chef. So Kyle offers to make her dinner at the restaurant, suggesting they eat in the kitchen just like the good old days. Taylor accepts, just as long as he promises not to put another bun in the oven. He leaves, but Jennifer catches him near the mailboxes and admits feeling guilty about tricking Taylor. Kyle tells Jennifer he suspects Taylor tried to break up his marriage, and if he finds that to be the truth, he won't regret anything that happens to her.
[Amanda Woodward Agency] Sam tells Amanda she thinks Rory is bad news and then suggests Amanda should see a psychiatrist. Amanda asks, "Why should I, when I have you to judge me?" Amanda can't believe the gall of Sam, considering her recent escapades, but Sam swears she's over Jeff and is now devoting her life, or at least part one of this episode, to Billy. Sam tells Amanda she's got to get over this Christine thing. Amanda tells Sam to get out before she fires her.
[Jeff Baylor's House] Somehow, Jennifer finds out the unlisted address of Mr. Pop-Fly (baseball, or what happens whenever he thinks about Sam, you take your pick).. Jennifer makes up the story that Sam still loves him deeply, but was scared off by all that marriage talk. Jeff says he doesn't know what to do, but lucky for him, he's talking to Miss Advice herself. She tells him once he and Sam are in the same room together, she'll fall back in his arms, then volunteers to arrange the meeting.
[Kyle's the Restaurant] Taylor and Kyle have dinner together in the kitchen. Kyle plays Groucho Marx in "You Bet Your Life," hoping Taylor will say the secret word. He keeps referring to how much Taylor likes secrets, but is unable to get Taylor to divulge anything she may be hiding, except that she's never stopped loving Kyle. Jennifer delivers a bottle of champagne to them, but Taylor declines, causing Jennifer to do a double-take.
[Beach House] Jennifer breaks into Michael's place in the middle of the night to ask him why Taylor refrained from drinking a glass of Dom Perignon, when what she should've been asking is, why the hell is he sleeping on the couch since Taylor is no longer there? Michael admits Taylor is pregnant, and that he is in the running as father of the McBride.
[MP, Amanda's Apt] If you thought a storyline couldn't be any more ridiculous than the speed at which Sam went from sweet to sour, then feast your eyes on this scene, where Rory starts munching on Amanda's lips. As he runs his hand up her thigh, however, she backs off and walks towards the window. But if Amanda thought kissing this Rory was gross, what she sees while peering out the window makes her even more disgusted. Down below, she catches Kyle walking Taylor home, ending the evening by kissing her. Amanda quickly orders Rory to turn out the lights. He obeys, and puts on some music, which sounds like a Ray Pruit reject during a gig at After Dark on "90210." Rory comes up behind Amanda and tries to fondle her, but now she's on the verge of regurgitation and she sends Rory packing.
[Sterling-Conway Offices] Lexi orders Coop to stay, telling him he's got a business to run. She can't tell him much more though, since she doesn't even know what the damn corporation does. Coop figures out that Peter put Lexi up to this, and he offers her $100 grand for his interest in the company. Lexi takes him up on the offer.
[Amanda Woodward Advertising] Sam rubs noses with Billy as she skips off to do whatever she does there. Amanda comments to Billy how it's nice he and Sam are working together again, even though that nose rub did little to spark any sort of flame in Billy. Then Rory pops in, telling Amanda he's got a friend dealing in futures, and that $5 grand will net her $10, probably before the next commercial break. He tells her he's putting in five himself, and without a first thought, Amanda asks who to make the check out to. Rory says, to him would be fine. While Amanda writes her check, Billy comments, "I've always heard there's a lot of risk involved in commodities." To which Rory replies, "Yeah, if you're an idiot."
[Burns-Coop Medical Office] Coop stops by to tell Peter sending Lexi was a nice try, but how he sold his interests in Sterling-Conway, completely freeing him from any ties in L.A. Peter reminds him about the lawsuit, but Coop replies, "My advice. Settle. Give Michael his job back." Then Coop reminds us why he was put on this show in the first place, saying "I did my little revenge number and now it's over. Time to move on." Funny thing is, his revenge number seemed to have petered out and as far as I'm concerned, all he did was waste space. Good riddance.
[Beach House] Now that it's official that Taylor is preggie, she can flaunt her fattiness, which she does strolling around Michael's place wearing a big apron while dusting. She suddenly realizes she's going to need proof before she tells Kyle the baby is his, so she tells Michael she needs a paternity test. Michael reminds her he will need blood from Kyle, which probably won't be an easy thing to do, unless she's a vampire. Michael looks at Taylor and seeing her smile, he cries "Oh no," but of course, those big fat lips make it impossible to see if she really has any fangs.
[Upstairs Jazz Club] Jennifer runs to Kyle to announce Taylor's pregnancy. I guess she's decided to wreak as much havoc as is humanly possible before leaving the show forever. I guess she'll be such a pain in the neck, everyone will want her dead... Kyle bites his lip after hearing the news, knowing how the pregnancy will put a kink in his "romancing" the truth out of Taylor plan.
[Montezino's Restaurant] Kyle and Taylor have dinner together. Afterward, they walk hand-in-hand in the garden, where they proceed to kiss. Taylor bites him on the lip, causing him to bleed. She wipes up his lip with her 'kerchief and starts giggling.
[Club] Jennifer and Billy meet secretly. Billy tells Jennifer that part of the reason he was cheating was because Sam was acting aloof, but now that she's returned, he doesn't know what to do. Jennifer does everything but lie on the table spread-eagle, trying to convince him to come back to her. He cocks his head and says, "I don't deserve this. I gotta go." What emotion, what feeling. Oops, I meant to put question marks rather than periods on those last two sentences.
[Amanda Woodward Advertising] Sam is working alone at night in the office, when Jeff Baylor pays her an unexpected visit. "Oh, Jeff, you got to go. Billy's gonna to be back here any second." "Good," Jeff replies, "That's all I need, a second." (Hmm, and Sam calls him an awesome lover?) Jeff continues, "I pushed too hard." (Hmm, maybe he is as good as Sam says!) When Sam informs Jeff she's rededicating herself to her marriage, Jeff states, "Yeah, out of guilt and fear." Then in his next breath he threatens and scares her by saying, "If I run out of here tonight, I'm gone forever! You understand that?!" He starts walking backwards, however, if he went any slower, he'd be moving forward towards Sam! Sam tells him to go spend some quality time with his aluminum bat because nothing he says will ever change her mind.
[Beach House] Kyle drops by to tell Michael he wants a paternity test as well as the results before anyone else, including Taylor. He's willing to pay $2000 for the results as well as Michael's silence. Kyle asks, "You do believe in cash, don't you?" and waves... a personal check in front of Michael. Duh! Why is it Aaron Spelling is keeping the retards and axing the characters with more brains than snot?
[Wilshire Memorial] Lexi comes to the hospital so Peter can chew her head off for buying out Coop. He compares her to Amanda, saying both of them had the same problem, thinking he was perfect. Lexi suggests maybe he's the one with the problem.
[Hutchins Research Hospital] I guess we're in Philadelphia. You can tell by the long wool overcoats everyone in the scene is wearing, as well as the white bits of trash caught in the shrubbery and across the ground that the untrained eye might mistake as snow. Dr. Larner takes one sniff of Megan and comments how Coop brought some of that summer's eve with him. Larner tells Megan that Coop's interview went very well. Then he invites them to a party he's throwing for all the candidates tonight, at his place, the Tudor House, just off University Place, 101's the address. Dr. Larner promises a very "stimulating" evening.
[Upstairs Jazz Club] Forty-five minutes into the show, and we finally get a brief sound of the band-of-the week, The Rippingtons. (For more on buying the Melrose Jazz CD, visit the Merchandise section). Jeff Baylor shows up to tell Jennifer how badly the plan went. Jennifer offers to buy him dinner downstairs and come up with plan B.
[Amanda Woodward Advertising] Kyle stops by Amanda's office, where he finds her on her fourth vodka. He tells her he misses her. She tells him they're no good together, that people die when they get together. Amanda then tells Kyle "You're not even a good memory." In the next instant, Rory appears, wearing that same oh-so-special-yet-ugly puke green shirt, only this time he tries to cover it with a clashing sports coat. He drops off a check for $10 grand, which apparently, more than makes up for his atrocious attire.
[Kyle's the Restaurant] Sam and Billy go to Kyle's for dinner, where they spot Jennifer and Jeff having dinner and laughing it up. Both Billy and Sam both have a hard time swallowing. As Sam and Billy sit down at their table, Jennifer comments to Jeff that the best thing to do is get them jealous. Sam heads for the powder room. Jennifer follows. Inside, a cat fight ensues, Sam furious that Jennifer is going for Jeff. They exchange shoves, Sam saying she doesn't like being messed with. Jennifer replies, "Well, I don't like being manhandled." Except by men. Jennifer excuses herself, saying she's going back to dinner. Sam asks, "You mean, the leftovers?" which earns her a nice slap across the face.
[Wilshire Memorial] Michael tells Kyle he isn't the father. Kyle smiles, then pays Michael another $2k for his silence. Michael asks if Kyle wants to know who the father is, but Kyle could care less as long as it isn't him. He bets that Taylor will still tell him the baby's his. Kyle leaves and Michael opens the other envelope, revealing who the father is. Michael's eyes almost pop out, causing the nearby nurse to ask if everything's alright. "I'm fine" Michael answers, "For a guy who just knocked up a lunatic." Then Taylor shows up, asking what the test results revealed. Michael gives her the bad news, telling her the father isn't Kyle, but Nick instead. "Oh God. I'm carrying the demon seed!" she gasps.
[MP, Amanda's Apt] Amanda and Rory wake up in her African motif bedding. He leans over, tells her how amazing she was last night, then starts smothering her with kisses laced with morning-breath. Quickly, Amanda gets up and goes into the bathroom, where she looks in the mirror and realizes the scum she slept with, causing her to get a case of dry heaves
[Wilshire Memorial] Michael grabs Peter in the hall to discuss returning to the medical practice, but faster than a high school wrestling match, Peter has Michael in a hold and starts slamming him against the wall. I guess Jack Wagner wanted a real dramatic moment, and this was the best way the writers figured they could work it into the episode. Peter vows to continue to fighting Michael as long as he has to. Everyone in the hospital wing stop and stare, as if they haven't seen this sort of behavior towards Michael before. The staff shrink witnesses the event, and invites Peter to drop by his office later that afternoon.
[The Tudor House, Philadelphia] Dr. Larner corners Megan, and tells her he finds her extremely attractive. She finds the comment a bit inappropriate, and Larner agrees, but says that's what makes it so exciting. He tells Megan his wife is out of town, and asks her to meet him there later, after everyone else has gone. Megan tells him he ought to watch those hot toddies, when obviously, he's been staring at her pair all night long... oh wait, she said toddies. Well, anyway, he tells her if she wants to help Coop get the position, then she had better get in a few different ones herself. He informs her he knows she used to be a prostitute and looks forward to their encounter later.
[Wishire Memorial] Peter pays the resident psychiatrist a visit. He tells all about his problems, including still having feelings for Amanda. The shrink tells Peter he needs a respite. Peter wonders if that's anything like an aspirin. The doc tells him he has a cabin where Peter can get away for a few days, to get away from it all. If he's lucky, he'll get cabin fever and forget all about his troubles down in La La Land.
[Marina Del Rey] Billy and Jennifer meet in Marina Del Rey, and by the camera shot, it's just outside of Peter and Lexi's new place. Billy spews about how Sam is suddenly all over him, but how he doesn't feel anything back. The next thing you know, the two start eating each other. Billy says he doesn't know what they're going to do, but Jennifer tells him all they have to do is hold on for dear life. Easy for her to say, considering she has another job waiting in the wings. whereas Billy on the other hand, doesn't even have a seat on the bench of his soccer team anymore.
[To Be Continued...] [ Part 2, "The Nasty-Minded Professor" will be posted by late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning.]]
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Last Modified March 31, 1998 |
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