Melrose Place
Episode #186 / Season #6
Title:  "A Swing and a Mrs."
Original Air Date:  Monday, February 16, 1998

[Wilshire Memorial]
Kyle pays Christine a visit in the hospital. Kyle isn't used to this form of bed-hopping, namely from hospital bed to hospital bed, where the other party is usually too sick or hurt to give him any. "You up for a visitor?" he asks, apparently because Christine looks as though somebody had just "pumped" all the energy out of her. And speaking of discharges, Kyle informs her Peter is going to discharge her from the hospital tomorrow. He tells her he wants to help her this time, and for her to stay as long as is necessary. He leaves, and Christine reaches for the phone and calls Nick.

[Nick's Motel Room]
Nick seems to keep his motel room in as nice a condition as he does his apartment back in Dallas, crushed beer cans strewn about and cigarette ashes all over the place. Christine tells Nick his plan is working and Kyle wants her to stay. Christine can't believe it, commenting that no one's ever risked their life for her before. Oh, that's right, she was in the Marines. I guess you got to be in the Army if you want that sort of devotion. Nick coaches her to keep that history going with Kyle, the Gulf War, all the simple things she missed over there. Nick adds, "Just keep up the good work, doll. My future's riding on ya'." By that, I think Nick means he's vying for one of the open slots for next season, reportedly part of a cast restructuring that is to take place before the start of next year.

[Burns-Mancini-Coop Medical Office]
Mancini (Megan) delivers Peter the message that the new equipment he ordered for the 5th floor at Wilshire Memorial hasn't arrived yet. This is news to Peter, since he never ordered any equipment in the first place. Megan reminds him the new equipment is need to replace the equipment he donated to Michael's medical center, handing him all the paperwork. Coop enters, and afraid that Peter might spill the beans, tells Megan he helped Lexi move out of Peter's condo this morning. Megan quips, "Wow, she found an apartment that quickly?" Coop answers, yes, his. Megan tells him to step into her office so they can discuss this further, but before he goes, Peter asks Coop for a favor. Peter asks Coop to get ahold of Thomas Sterling's old medical records, using his "ohayougozaimasu" connections (my Nagano Olympic reference for the week) if necessary. Peter starts in again on how overbearing Lexi's daddy was, which offends Coop so much he says, "What you know about Tom Sterling can fit in a thimble. Forget about any favors from me." Then Coop goes to the Office Manager's office, where Megan grills him about taking Lexi in. They get in another squabble and Megan kicks Coop out, telling him she's got a lot of Office Manager sort of stuff to do.

[MP, Billy & Sam's Apt]
Billy has a bunch of sketches for some sort of ballroom dancing account scattered about on the kitchen table, when Sam arrives home. She wonders why Billy's not at the conference in NYC. He tells her Amanda went instead and he got stuck with this dead-end dance campaign. Sam recognizes the material as hers, and questions why he's working on her Lightfoot Dance Studio account. He tells her the client wanted a new spin on the ad, a Gen-X approach, and asks for her help, but she tells him she's in deep, up to her throat, with the whole Jeff Baylor account. She and Billy exchange words, causing Sam to leave for the office. Since it's nighttime, a trip to the office to work is not all that unusual. Sam storms out just as Jennifer stops by to see if Sam and Billy would like to go catch a movie. Jennifer jokes, "I guess the honeymoon is over" but Billy fails to laugh. Instead, he tells her he used to teach ballroom dancing, which is no less a joke, but pretty hysterical when you try to visualize it. Jennifer makes some suggestions for Billy, describing a dark stranger taking him in her arms, holding her tight, then asking her for her phone number at the end of the evening. Billy suggests she take a dance class to cure her horniness. She says she just might, but only if he'd accompany her.

[Mancini Medical Clinic]
One look at Michael's new clinic sign and it's obvious why the waiting room is always empty. He forgot to put the standard "Se habla espanol" phrase somewhere on his sign. Peter's reason for visiting is to find out about this medical instrument scam, but he doesn't plan on staying long for fear his BMW will soon be stolen. He finds all sorts of equipment, all labeled with WM tags in the back room. He threatens to call the cops, but as he steps into the parking lot, he quickly becomes just another fly screaming "Help Me, Help Me," caught in Spider's web of hoodlumism. Michael snaps his fingers and Peter is allowed to escape with his life.

[Lightfoot Dance Studio]
Billy and Jennifer tango. While Jennifer gushes, Billy tries to relate the experience to his ad campaign.

[Upstairs Jazz Club]
The latest addition to the jazz club is a new marquee out front, displaying the current week's singer. This week it's Lisa Fischer. Thank God. No more email asking "Who were those guys?" Amanda arrives, looking for Kyle. Taylor is quick to greet her, "consoling" her for being stood up at the altar. Amanda tells Kyle she's taking the red-eye to NYC. He asks her what about the wedding. She says he's too busy nursing his bird back to mental health. Amanda leaves, telling Kyle to make sure Christine is on the next train back to Santa Fe, if he knows what's best for him.

[MP, Billy & Sam's Apt]
We return from the commercial break to hear our daily dose of Billy and Sam bashing. Billy, looking at the flimsy top Sam's wearing, comments she should wear a sweater. Sam responds, "I won't feel the chill as much once I'm outside." Billy, once in the courtyard, looks up and sees Jennifer through her window, dancing with an inverted broom (a good representation of Billy, except the broom's bristles look a lot better than Billy's hair). He smiles, thinking he may someday experience the true "scent of a woman." Hooyah. Smells fishy, if you ask me. He heads off to work.

[Harvest Motel, Christine's Room]
Nick climbs out of Christine's bed, having helped her in her daily calisthenics, Marine-style. There's a knock at the door, so Nick hides as Christine dons a bathrobe. Kyle brings some groceries over for Christine, who managed to find somewhere to stay moments after leaving the hospital, even if Lexi couldn't and had to move in with Coop. Kyle looks at Christine's face and comments, "Hey, look at this. You got some color back in your cheeks." If Kyle thought those cheeks have color, you should see how red the other set is, the ones Nick was working on! She and Kyle talk about how their lives went different directions. Christine tells him she'll be leaving for New Mexico soon, but asks a favor. She'd like for Kyle to spend tomorrow with her, hanging out and doing "mundane things, things they missed while being in the Gulf," even though, by the looks of all those flashbacks, all they did were mundane things while they were there in the Gulf. Kyle leaves, and Nick bursts out of the closet quicker than Ellen, angry that she is planning on going back home. Nick reminds her, the plan is to break Amanda and Kyle up. Nick comments that he also wants to be Kyle's buddy again, even if this means ruining Kyle's happiness. He tells her to keep her end of the bargain and it'll be the easiest five grand she ever made.

[Mancini Medical Clinic]
Megan pays Michael another visit, coming over after sundown, a bad idea in this neighborhood. Megan reminds him, she's been walking the streets a lot longer than he has. Michael says she's got that "Somebody called me a hooker look," bringing a smile to her face. She gives him a peck on the lips.

[Upstairs Jazz Club]
Billy brings his ideas for the dance studio campaign to the club to show Jennifer. He tells her there are no words, only visuals. He shows her some drawings he did, describing how the two cartoon characters, that look a lot like him and Jennifer, were made for each other. The idea may be dumb, but one thing's for sure, the sketches actually look better than anything Sam's ever doodled. Jennifer almost smears the ink with all her drool before Sam shows up, figuring she'd find Billy there. Duh, since Shooters closed, this is apparently the only bar left in town. Sam takes one look at Billy's campaign, then asks, "No copy?" She concludes, "They're going to hate it!" Then she asks Billy to dance, while Jennifer watches from behind the bar.

[MP, Jennifer's Apt]
Coop stops by to tell Megan he's worried about her. The two of them get into another squabble about the Coop-Lexi-Michael-Megan square, but I'll spare you the agony of hearing the details again. Suffice it to say, Megan suggests to Coop that maybe Michael is more her speed, someone who can accept her for what she is. Coop replies, "He's called you a whore more times than he's called you a lady." Exactly. She smiles.

[The Peninsula Hotel]
The caption at the bottom of the screen informs us, this is New York City, in New York. Oh, that New York City. The phone rings in Amanda's hotel room. Could it be... has Eric Baines gotten a whiff of Amanda back in the Big Apple? Nope, it's only Kyle checking in. The two engage in some high school dribble -- miss you, kiss-kiss, etc. -- before Christine suddenly pops up at the office door for her "date" with Kyle. He looks up at Christine, wearing a tight-fitting dress, and he quickly hangs up with Amanda, telling her something suddenly popped up. Amanda says she'll see him tomorrow night. He and Christine head off for their day of mundane activities.

[Kyle's the Restaurant]
Billy and Sam struggle through some small talk at the dinner table, talking about the various campaigns they've each been working on. Sam asks Billy who his dance partner was. Billy tells her, it was whoever was there at the time. There's a moment of deafening silence, before they both reach for their cell phones to call the office to check for messages. Jeesh, if Billy's foreplay is as bad as his small talk, no wonder she's fantasizing about the size of Jeff Baylor's bat.

[Burns-Mancini-Coop Medical Office]
Coop arrives at the office, only to find Peter sitting behind his desk. Peter is fuming, having found Tom Sterling's medical records, which Coop had been withholding from him. Tom Sterling's records showed he had uncontrollably high blood pressure, refused to take his medication, etc. Peter then accuses Coop of knowing about this but hiding it in order to get Lexi back for himself. Seconds later, Lexi walks in and she says she knew about the pre-existing medical condition of her father's, and that Coop had told her about it this morning as soon as he had found out. She showed up at the office to acknowledge that Peter wasn't to blame for her father's death, but she adds, "But it still doesn't excuse your behavior, or your tactics. I mean, secret tape recordings, Peter. Lies? I can't accept that," sounding frighteningly like Kenneth Starr. Anyway, despite Peter's admittance he doesn't want to lose her, she leaves, telling him he should've thought about that before.

[Somewhere in L.A.]
Christine and Kyle are winding up what she describes as "the best day." It's so good, in fact, that Christine starts crying, and pushes her hair from her face with that patented Kimberly hair flip, realizing this is all going to come to an end. She reaches over and tongues Kyle. He tells her something suddenly came up again, so he had better take her home.

[Mancini Medical Clinic]
Megan stops by the clinic, again at night, and stands outside the window, waving to Michael. Then a Toyota ForeRunner pulls up and Coop hops out. He tells her Amanda told him there's a vacant apartment available in the building, so he wants to make a commitment with her. Number one, how did he get ahold of Amanda, who's supposedly lost in New York? Secondly, did Coop have to wait until there was a vacancy in THAT apartment complex before he could think about taking the next step? Thank God for a vacancy, otherwise, who knows what direction their relationship would've headed in. She accepts, and kisses Coop in front of Michael, who witnesses the entire scene from within his clinic walls.

[Harvest Motel, Christine's Room]
Kyle drops Christine off, but before he can go, she asks him to stay with her for the night, just to keep the nightmares away. He gulps, then agrees. Meanwhile, outside in an old beat-up Chevy, Nick has to sit and wait. Being part of the Marine Corps, Kyle opts to sleep in a hard wooden chair, while Christine takes the bed. The next morning, Christine wakes up and asks Kyle what time it is. He looks at his watch and says, "Early." Kyle, even a blind person could tell that. Christine doesn't care how dumb he is, Kyle will always be the number one lug nut in her life. Still, she tells him she'll be on a plane out of there by day's end. Kyle hugs her, telling her she'll be fine.

[Lawyer Office, Century City]
Jordan, Thomas Sterling's lawyer, reads Sterling's last will and testament to Lexi and Coop. Tom Sterling left Coop a money clip. Lexi purrs, "Father always knew how much you loved that money clip," which looks like a $10 brass-coated piece of metal. Jordan asks to speak with Coop in private for a minute. Coop asks Lexi if she wants to wait, but Lexi says she should be going to work. Just don't ask her what she does at work, because we wouldn't want to have two Sterlings die of heart failure. As she leaves, Jordan pulls Coop aside and tells him about a secret codicil in the will. Specifically, if Coop agrees to marry Lexi within a year, AND live together (which is normal, for married couples, except in Tinseltown), he will inherit $10 million. Coop thinks it's a joke, and rips up the envelope. Jordan informs him ripping up the paperwork makes no difference, that the money is being placed in an escrow account for one year, in effect, giving him 12 months to marry Lexi Sterling.

[MP, Amanda's Apt]
Kyle arrives home from Christine's motel room. I guess Christine didn't excite him too much, since he heads directly to the bathroom but instead of taking a cold shower, Kyle opts to splash water on his face. To his surprise, he finds Amanda standing behind him. She tells him, had he checked his messages yesterday, he would've known she was coming home early. She asks him where he was last night. He tells her he was with Christine, but swears he didn't sleep with her. Amanda says she wants to believe him. Amanda cries that she just wants to get off this emotional roller coaster and start their life together. Then Kyle, the guy who couldn't read his wristwatch in his previous scene, comes up with a profound statement, at least by Melrose standards, saying "Before we can, we have to trust each other. We have to say it, and we have to believe it." So Amanda says, "I trust you." Kyle says, "I trust you." They hug. Now for the believing part... yeah, right.

[MP, Jennifer's Apt]
Sam comes over for some more advice from Jennifer. Frankly, Sam would probably be better off calling the Psychic Hotline. Sam tells Jennifer she can't stop thinking about Jeff. She asks Sam what she's doing wrong. So Jennifer compares Sam's situation to buying a new car. She says, even though you want the new car, when it comes time to trade the old car in, you remember all the memories the old car brings, and you wonder if you really need the new car. She asks Sam what would she do. Sam answers, "Keep the old car." Well, this isn't exactly what Jennifer wants her to say, so she helps Sam along by adding, "Maybe. Or maybe you just test drive the new one again. Just to make sure." Once a Mancini, always a Mancini.

[Harvest Motel, Christine's Room]
Nick enters Christine's room, only to find Christine packing her suitcase. Christine says she can't do this to Kyle. He comments, "You are falling for him." Christine replies, "That's the idea, wasn't it?" Nick yells, "No, the plan was for him to fall for you!" Hmm, maybe this female dufus Christine IS the perfect match for Kyle. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door and Taylor storms in. She's there because Nick called her, telling her Christine was getting a little soft. Taylor flips Christine's suitcase upside down, spilling her clothes onto the bed. "You're not going anywhere, you ungrateful bimbo" Taylor says. "This is my idea, my plan, and you're going to follow it through 'til the end. Or does your puny little brain need me to make myself clear?"

[Jeff Baylor's House]
Sam comes over to try out the new car. She makes up the excuse that she wanted to say good-bye before Jeff left for Spring training. She has second thoughts about the test drive, but then jumps into his arms. Within seconds, the two of them are butt-naked and she positions herself on top. He fornicates her brains (what little she has) out. It took almost two seasons, but Sam has finally been baptized, L.A.-style!

[Lightfoot Dance Studio Photo Shoot]
Jennifer stands behind-the-scenes as the photo shoot winds up. Billy tells her she was his inspiration. She coos, "Wow. I've never been anyone's inspiration before." And while Sam and Jeff engage in a little horizontal mambo, Billy has the music turned back on and he and Jennifer engage in a little vertical dancing of their own, starting with their bodies, and ending with their tongues in a little slow motion waltz!

[To Be Continued...]

Last Updated February 17, 1998