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Melrose Place
Episodes #184 & #185 / Season #6
Title: "Last Train to Baghdad" (Part II - #185)
Original Air Date: Monday, February 09, 1998 [MP, Jennifer's Apt]
Sam comes over to talk about how horny she is for Jeff Baylor. Now, in my opinion, asking advice from a girl who can pop ping pong balls out from all sorts of places isn't exactly the best idea, but Sam does it anyway. Jennifer tells Sam to go for it, even if that means flirting. [Cleveland, Ohio]
I've never been there, but it seems every time they show Cleveland, it's just a big field with bunch of tombstones, similar to a cemetery! Coop is walking hand-in-hand with Lexi, comforting her. After the burial, Coop suggests the two of them go out for a drink, or a bite to eat. He says he thinks he knows someplace she'll like. Did somebody say MacDonalds? [Amanda Woodward Advertising]
Amanda calls Kyle to tell him she simply can't make it to dinner with him and Christine tonight, due to a photo shoot for Flash Sporting Goods. Kyle says he doesn't want to relive the Gulf War with Christine again, and would rather turn on the boob tube and see what's happening in the world by watching CNN. Their conversation quickly turns to bickering about the fact Christine is staying at Kyle's apartment. [Wilshire Memorial]
Has having hot-looking nurses become as extinct as the sexy stewardesses of the past? Michael approaches the "prettiest" two he could find, and tries to coax them into joining the Mancini Medical Practice in South Central L.A., but they decline, saying they'd rather lay down and get run over by a bus. Poor bus! However, Nurse Amy overhears his sales pitch and asks if she could invest in his venture. Michael hesitates, until she mentions she has ten grand, and even though she's not Korean, she'd still be willing to defend their building during the next riot. Well, that works for Michael, and he tells her she's in as a 5% participant, but she needs to supply her own shotgun shells.
[Some Irish Pub in Cleveland]
Okay, so it's not MacDonalds, but the name is close, McSomething or other's Irish Pub. Anyway, Coop and Lexi sit down and have a couple of Bud Lights (in an Irish bar?) and some pretzels. It's the same diet they used to have while Coop was in med school, recalls the waiter, Sandy. Coop apologizes to Lexi for all the bad that happened during their marriage. Coop starts thinking aloud, wondering what could have caused so much stress to build up in Papa Sterling, and what was Peter up to the night Sterling croaked.
[Upstairs Jazz Club]
Megan stops by the jazz club, where Dear Abby wannabe Jennifer is tending bar. Megan, alluding to her discovery of Peter's microcassette, describes a movie to Jennifer, where somebody knew something about someone else, which could hurt this other person if the one person told this other person about the... I don't know. It doesn't really make sense, so why repeat it. Anyway, not only is Sam seeking advice from Jennifer, but now so is Megan. And Jennifer is all too happy to help, suggesting, "I think you should tell whatever secret you have, to whoever you think you should tell it to." Yoda couldn't have put it worse. [Photo Shoot]
We pick up the action as the Flash Sporting Goods photo shoot is just concluding. Not exactly what one would call a Nike ad campaign, with Baylor holding two shoes in the palms of his hands, as though he doesn't know what to do with them. Amanda leaves, telling Baylor that Sam can handle any problems with the wrap up. Sam, a bit nervous, starts fondling the Down button of elevator. Jeff asks her out to dinner, and employing his nauseating charm, he convinces Sam to have a pizza with her. [MP, Kyle's Apt]
Christine treats Kyle to a candlelight dinner. And what could go better with the low light and soft music than mashed potatoes and meatloaf? She tells him how she used to dream about seeing his face again, and how right now it's almost like they're back there; like nothing's changed. Kyle, attempting to change the subject, suggests they take their wine out by the pool. She tells him to go ahead, and she'll catch up in a minute. [Pizza Parlor]
Jeff Baylor takes Sam to an awfully fancy pizza parlor, one that actually serves real red wine. A couple of old geezers see Jeff Baylor and stop by the table to say hello. They mention something about a park, and Sam learns that Jeff donated money for a park for underprivileged children. Then the scum bag pretends like he's apologizing again, but smoothly segues to how he fantasizes about Sam, every waking moment of every day, being with her in and out of bed. If he was a pitcher, I'd bet his special pitch would be the slimeball. Baylor hopes she swallow other things even half as well as she swallows this sweet talk of his. [MP Courtyard]
Kyle is sitting by the pool edge, sipping his wine, when Christine slinks out wearing nothing more than a tiny black bikini, showing nary a trace of a scar. Amanda arrives home just in time to catch Kyle pulling the obviously wet Christine from the pool. Kyle feels the tug of his leash, and he says good-night to Christine. [Wilshire Memorial]
Michael "breaks" into Peter's chief-of-staff office, using an old key of his, and fills out a bunch of requisition forms for new medical equipment, forging Peter's signature. Peter hands the forms to Nurse Amy, telling her Peter donated a bunch of old equipment to a struggling medical facility. Being the good nurse that she is, she follows his orders. [Burns-Mancini-Coop Medical Office]
Since Megan is going by Mancini still, I guess I can use the above name to describe the office still. Peter arrives and Megan immediately pulls him into his office. She informs Peter the tape he destroyed was not the one with Lexi's father on it. She says it's her duty to play the tape for Lexi, and to let her interpret it whatever way she wants. Peter suggests she think twice about doing this, saying that if Lexi leaves him she'll most likely run to Coop, and that would in turn, leave Megan in the cold. When Megan still insists on playing the tape for Lexi, Peter quips, "You're the single most naive person in the world!" Then again, she is the designated Melrose Blonde. Seconds later, Lexi and Coop walk in, having just returned from Cleveland. [Kyle's the Restaurant]
Taylor throws a party to celebrate Kyle and Amanda's wedding. Taylor whispers to Christine that Amanda only invited her to the wedding to rub her nose in the events from memory lane. Christine tries to make a toast, but after about three long minutes of babble (necessary in order to stretch this episode out for two hours), starts crying uncontrollably. She runs out of the room. [MP, Amanda's Apt]
Christine knocks on Amanda's door, apologizing for her outburst the night before. Not once, not twice, but four or five times. I don't know who's becoming more irritating... Christine or Jeff Baylor. [Burns-Mancini-Coop Medical Office]
Lexi goes to the medical office, not to see one of the doctors, but to talk with the Mancini of the trio, Megan the Office Manager. Lexi asks Megan if she knows anything about Peter and her father. Megan lets it slip that Peter knows something by saying "I think you should ask Peter about your father." Megan tells Lexi about the tape, and plays it for Lexi. Just as we hear Papa Sterling gasp his final breath, Peter walks in. Lexi runs out, unable to stand the sight of Peter, before he can explain the tape. Megan, cowers as she scoots out of the office with her tail between her legs, the only thing she's had down there in a long time! She conjures up the excuse that since she's a big office manager now, she has another appointment... somewhere. Anywhere. [Mancini Medical Clinic]
The clinic is having its open house, but the place is completely vacant. Nurse Amy tries to cheer Michael up by hoping maybe there'll be a terrible bus accident or something out there in the neighborhood. Then Michael gets a visit from Spider, his home boy. Spider tells Michael that he'll give the doc a couple hundred bucks each month in exchange for seeing some legally-challenged friends of his. Spider promises, that like magic, business will blossom. He and Michael shake on the deal. Then Megan, after doing her damage at one medical office, shows up here for no apparent reason. Jennifer informs Michael that Mama Mia convinced their Aunt Mary and Uncle Vinnie to sink half their life savings into this dump. Mama wonders where all the money is going to, since the only thing in the place is some medical equipment which was donated by the hospital. She's beginning to suspect Michael may be using the money to live off of. Jennifer reminds everybody about Amanda's wedding that starts in a couple hours, so she, Mama, and Megan start to leave. Michael says he won't be able to make it, stating "I have to put the old nose to the stethoscope." Could this be why he has no patients. [Amanda's Wedding]
Amanda is getting dressed for the wedding, Sam doing her part as maid of honor. Taylor stops by, her hair combed for the first time in months, saying she couldn't find anything old, but she managed to find something used, a picture of her and Kyle on their wedding day, which she gives to Amanda. Taylor figures Kyle fit into the category of "something borrowed." Then Taylor notes that Kyle still hasn't showed and that the guests are beginning to wonder if he stood her up. Amanda reminds Taylor she wasn't invited so to leave. Taylor replies, "Gladly. Oh, and by the way, your dress is hideous." [MP Courtyard]
Kyle leaves Amanda's apt, decked out in his tux. He yells for Christine, whom he is supposed to give a ride to. He looks up towards his apartment, and notices the door is wide open. Leaving the front door unlocked is one thing, but this is ridiculous. It's not like she's living in New Mexico! Kyle runs upstairs, but Christine is nowhere to be found. Instead, there's a note which, luckily, he reads aloud: "Dear Kyle, I'm so sorry but I couldn't face seeing you marry someone else. I guess it's time for me to catch my train and end everybody's misery." Kyle grabs the phone and quickly dials Amanda's cell phone, telling her he needs to rescue Christine. [RR Crossing]
Lucky for Kyle, there's only one railroad crossing in all of Los Angeles, and it's only seconds away from the apartment complex. Kyle zooms over there with more speed than a No-Doze commercial, where he finds Christine straddling the tracks in a Ford Escort wagon. He runs over, grabs her out of the car, and the two of them hit the dirt, well pavement, just as the freight train barrels into the side of her rental. The Escort actually takes the impact fairly well. The train keeps on going, the final whereabouts of her car unknown. She cries out, "I love you, Kyle." Excuse me, but what is this preoccupation with suicide on the show lately? For months now, the only talk about suicide has been from disappointed viewers, but now the idea's even crept into the cast members' heads. [MP, Amanda's Apt]
Kyle returns to Amanda's apt, where he finds her enjoying a morning cup of coffee. Kyle spent the night at the hospital, where he took Christine. Amanda, callous to the fact a second suicide attempt occurred in a span of three weeks, is more upset about the embarrassment she experienced having to stand up in front of everybody to tell them the wedding was postponed. Amanda suggests they postpone the wedding indefinitely. [Burns-Mancini-Coop Medical Office]
Office Manager Megan calls Coop to suggest he take her for a romantic weekend up the coast. Coop declines, saying he needs to stay to comfort Lexi, who's staying at his place. You go guy! [Coop's Apt]
Peter stops by to ask if he's seen Lexi, since she never returned home last night. Coop informs Peter that Lexi spent the night here, but assures Peter nothing went on between them. Peter enters the bedroom and tries to convince the Cleveland cuckoo that he didn't kill her father. She still can't forgive him. She starts crying again, even though you'd think she'd be over having to organize those funeral arrangements by now. [MP, Laundry Room]
Billy wishes Sam would do him, but Sam would rather do laundry. She finds Jennifer there already, folding towels. Jennifer tells Sam about Christine trying to commit suicide but how Kyle rescued her before the train could "smush" her. Sam laughs (I heard being this horny will sometimes skew one's sense of humor). Sam blames marriage as the cause of making people crazy, adding that she and Billy haven't made love in weeks. Then Sam starts cooing about getting a great pizza with Jeff Baylor the other night. Jennifer's eyes pop out, "You got a 'piece of' Jeff Baylor?" Jennifer suggests, when Opportunity Knocks, take it. She continues, recommending Sam roll the dice and show her Community Chest to Jeff Baylor, let him explore her Marvin Gardens, especially while she's got the Monopoly on his attention. The way Jennifer describes it, fooling around is just another game. [Mancini Medical Clinic]
Spider comes in with some home boy shot in the shoulder named Polly, or Paulie. Michael orders Nurse Amy to call the paramedics. Spider tells Michael to have the nurse hang up, but when Michael refuses, homey puts a gun to his head. Michael yells out for Amy to cancel the call, telling her it wasn't a gunshot wound after all. Spider tells Michael he better be more cooperative in the future. [Upstairs Jazz Club]
Jennifer, having already contaminated Samantha and Megan's minds with bad advice, starts working on Kyle. She tells him he did the honorable thing by rescuing Christine, and to be careful not to get jilted around because he is rather susceptible to that. Then she takes a martini over to Billy (will we ever see a main character pounding down a beer ever again?), and asks him if he's jealous of Baylor. She then hints that she and Billy have become "familiar" as a result of all their make-believe around Mama Mia. Jennifer explains how all marriages have their ups and downs, and suggests that he give Samantha some "space." Then Jennifer adds, she's always there if Billy needs her. [Mancini Medical Clinic]
Megan comes by the clinic again, who knows why. She and Michael walk towards their cars, when they're ambushed from behind by a couple of beanie-bearing boys. A red car races up and Spider jumps out. He "rescues" the Michael and Megan, but Michael sees through this phony staging, and he tells Spider man to stop threatening them. Spider recommends they hurry on home if they know what's best for them. [Wilshire Memorial]
It's obviously after visiting hours, yet somehow, Christine gets a visitor. She's fast asleep in her room when we see an arm reach out to open her door. The sleeve is of a plaid shirt. Oh, must be Nick. He approaches Christine's bed and she suddenly wakes up. "Oh, it's you, Nick" she sighs. "What are you doing here?" Nick answers he heard she almost kissed a train, which doesn't really answer the question. So Nick slides a chair over to block the door (who cares that you can still see in through the glass pane in the door), then whips off Christine's blanket. Obviously, he's there to lick and suck the entire length of Christine's smock. He climbs up on top of her, and starts nibbling at everything from her new throat to her patchwork scar, causing Christine to cry out, "Oh God, Nick! I miss this!" From what I understand regarding sexual misconduct in the military, this must've been one of the Marines' weekly drills, and by the look of it, Nick was very well trained. [To Be Continued...] |
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