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Melrose Place
Episode #183 / Season #6
Title: "Mama Mia"
Original Air Date: Monday, February 02, 1998 [Beach House]
Jennifer arrives at Michael's, amidst a blaze of flashing police lights. She claims she has terrible news. Michael asks, "Is it worse than having one's house and bank account cleaned out by a lap dancer?" Hey, she may have stolen the cappuccino machine, but hanging all those dollar bills on the rail is Michael's own doing. The excitement builds, drawing a nearby detective over with pen in hand. What could this news be? Jennifer announces, "Another TV has-been is coming to Melrose!" Huh? Punxsutawney Phil seeing his shadow today was more interesting than this! Luckily, at least mama's not bringing her sister "Rhonda" with her. Yes, Mama Mancini is paying Jennifer a visit, specifically to meet Craig. In order to pacify her mama, Jennifer had told her mom she and Craig were engaged. Michael tells her to distract mama by showing her the sights, but Jennifer replies that it'll be pretty hard since Craig stole her car at gunpoint. Michael advises her to file a police report, which will pretty convenient considering all the uniforms wandering around the premises. Lest we forget about Michael's problems, he reminds us when he says, "How's a guy supposed to fall asleep without a wife or a TV set?" [MP, Amanda's Apt]
After Taylor finishes helping Amanda back up from the floor, Amanda demands "What do you know about Christine?" She answers, "Okay, truth?" Amanda doesn't really respond, so instead, like Pinocchio's nose, Taylor's lips start to swell as she embarks on another made-up story. She tells Amanda that Kyle used to call out Christine's name, and that she even caught him rummaging through his footlocker once in Boston. Taylor hints that there may be more clues about Christine in that footlocker, and that the footlocker may be down in the laundry room. Then Kyle enters and asks where the hell Taylor's been the past few days. Taylor's lips swell again as she says she's been in Vegas, reliving the wild time she had when she and Kyle went. As Kyle ushers Taylor out, he asks her where she really was, telling her he can tell when she's lying. And all this time we thought collagen injections were to blame! [MP, Amanda's Apt]
Amanda's rehab is going well, her incentive being she needs to be able to walk down the aisle next episode. Amanda wants to find out more about Christine, so she asks Kyle how he slept last night, making up the story that he was calling out Christine's name again. He tells her it's nothing. Then the dumbnamic duo, Sam and Billy show up. They mention that they almost have Jeff Baylor signed. Billy comments that Baylor hit it off with Sam, so Amanda orders them to use that angle to get his John Hancock. She tells them to take Baylor to dinner tonight. Billy can't make it, so Amanda tells Sam to "handle" it, unless Billy has a problem with that. Billy bulges his eyes, uses dorky look #9, and says, "Duh, I'm fine." Sam promises she'll do whatever it takes to get her hand on cock. Billy continues to look stupefied. [Sterling Conway Enterprises, West Coast Division]
Daddy Sterling shows Lexi the new office space, apparently, located downtown near the Bonaventure. She absolutely loves the offices, so much, in fact, all she says for the next two minutes is, "I love it!" Luckily, for us, Coop shows up, causing Lexi's hair to stand on end. Lexi finds out that Daddy Sterling has just bought Coop's company, so now she and Coop are going to be business partners. Lexi tells her daddy that Peter told her about what he said at dinner the other night, and asks him whether he's trying to break up her relationship with Peter. Daddy Sterling just looks at her, and says, "This Burns fella seems a bit paranoid. If you love him, I love him." Didn't Peter know, being referred to as a type of knife is actually a compliment, coming from a steak-and-potato man like Thomas Sterling. [Central Stadium, Orange County]
Sam and Jeff Baylor are out on their business meeting. Baylor tells Sam, if they're to work together, he wants her to know everything about him, what turns him on, what turns him off. Sam comments, she knows what turns him off (referring to talking business). In other words, she wants to know what turns him on. Not to disappoint her, he raises his hands and says, "Baseball. Now that turns me on." He raises his hands, and suddenly, all the lights around the stadium turn on, full brightness. "How'd you do that?" Sam asks. Good question, considering lights like those usually take 15-20 minutes to warm up! Sam says she can't play ball, not in high heels. So Baylor kneels down, and gently fondles her feet, removing her shoes. He whips out his long hard woodie, and she reaches for it, but he stops her before she can touch his nicely carved apparatus, handing her the ball and a glove instead. He wants her to pitch, not bat, silly. So she takes her place on the mound. Sam never let a guy hit a home run on the first date, so when Jeff does, it brings a smile to her face. [The Midnight Strip]
Michael bursts into the dressing room of the strip club, looking for Amber. The other girls tell him she quit in a moment's notice. Michael figures they're lying, so he tells them he's staying until she shows up. Then a bouncer enters, wearing a pinkie ring, and I suddenly realize what a sleazy place this is. He tells Michael, "I'm gonna count to one, and then I'm kicking you out." He'd probably count higher if he could. Michael tells the dumbo he's not leaving until he wrings Amber's thieving neck. A brawl ensues, and Michael actually holds his own until a couple other over-the-hill bad boys enter and gang up on him. [MP, Laundry Room]
Funny about injuries on Melrose. Usually, facial wounds heal in two episodes, but in this case, Amanda still seems to sport a nice gash across her face. However, she seems to be walking so much better now, even though a day earlier, she could barely move around with the aid of a walker. Now, she seems to be able to make her way down her stairs, across the courtyard, and then down another set of stairs leading into the laundry room. Her therapy is going so well, that she's even developed a newfound strength in her arms, as she proceeds to take a screwdriver and pop off the hinge to Kyle's footlocker as though it were made of aluminum foil. She finds the famous Three Musketeer photo, but has to quickly close the footlocker when she hears Kyle calling out her name. So as not to look suspicious, she hobbles over to the washing machine. Yeah, right, Amanda doing laundry is real believable! Forget the fact she's without a basket of dirty clothes. Kyle comes down and tells her she's recuperating and work is out of the question. He sweeps her off her feet to take her back upstairs, and as he does, he notices a corner of an American flag sticking out from his locker, as well as the lock, still sitting on top. [MP, Billy and Sam's Apt]
Billy lets his jealously over Jeff Baylor show, in some of the best acting he's done all year. To add insult to injury, Sam adds, "Oh, you should see the way his swings that bat." Sam tells Billy, Baylor will be later that afternoon to sign. Jennifer knocks, begging for $500 to bail Michael out of jail. Of course, Sam and Billy don't even have close to five hundred bucks in their savings. After all, Billy's only a vice president, and Sam, a graphics design person at the "...most prestigious advertising agency in L.A." Since they can't give her any money, she asks if she can at least borrow a car to pick up her mother at the airport, explaining how Craig stole hers. "He put a gun to his head and split it into unknown parts." Or, at least that's what she should've said. As she puts it, "He put a gun to my head, and forced me to hand over the keys, and then split for parts unknown." Billy gives her his car keys. She jokes she wishes she could borrow Billy's body as well, to pretend to be Craig, whom she described to her mother as being her fiance. [Burns-Erased-Coop Medical Office]
Megan tells Coop how Jennifer asked for $500 to bail Michael out of jail and she refused, and now she feels guilty about it. Coop laughs, then asks Megan out to dinner. Megan says no, explaining it's one of those "I need space and I hope you understand, No." Coop breathes a sigh of relief, and says, "Good, then I'll ask you again tomorrow." Megan watches him leave, shaking her head back and forth, as if thinking, "What a dork. Tomorrow will be too late to ask to go to dinner tonight." [LAX]
Jennifer picks up mama Mia, best known for her role as Rhoda and displacing Sandy Duncan in "The Hogan Family." Bringing that pushiness with her, she tries to stuff a cannoli she's been carrying from New Jersey, into Jennifer's mouth. Mmm, those must be good, considering they've been unrefrigerated for at least six hours already. Rhoda, Valerie, eh, Mia, says she's really excited to meet her future son-in-law, Craig. As they're driving, Jennifer reminds mama Mia how much she loves her only son, Michael. The next thing they know, they're pulling up to the Van Nuys Police Department. [Police Dept., Van Nuys Division]
I should've known The Midnight Strip was in Van Nuys. After all, that's where all the "classy" titty bars are. Michael huffs it's about time Jennifer got there. She defends herself, saying it was somewhat difficult to get the bail money. He asks who gave it to her. When Jennifer answers it was someone who really cares for him, Michael figures it must've been Megan. Jennifer says he's close, at least he got the first letter right. She turns Michael around and he sees his mother Mia. She starts bombarding him with a slew of names: "Pizza face! Spaghetti! You marinara head, Pisa poop!" Michael frowns, begging, "Please mom, not Italian!" So she slaps him across the face. Hey, I thought he said no Italian. [Amanda Woodward Advertising]
Billy arrives with the wedding ring, fresh from the jewelers. He insists Sam put it back on before they go meet with Jeff Baylor. Sam takes the ring, but hesitates slipping it back on, in a most obvious move. Billy cries, "Oh, come on! I'm going in there right now and telling Mr. Baylor we're married." Billy storms into the conference room and tells Baylor he's married to Sam. "Why would Sam's marital status be an issue?" Baylor asks. Hey, if a guy's slimy enough to try to steal a someone's woman away, why would it matter whether she's married or not? Jeff informs Billy that he'll only sign the deal if Sam is the lead on the account as well as his personal representative. Billy informs Baylor's entourage that Sam is simply a graphics person, not an executive. So this fat agent, sort of an Oliver from "The Brady Bunch" all grown up, sticks his nose in and says, "As far as my client's concerned, Sam's involved, or we're not." Billy's nose didn't get brown from the Southern California sun, and he says to them, "I see... Welcome aboard." Jeff grins and looks at Sam, getting on board being his prime objective. [Upstairs Jazz Club]
Amanda and Kyle are having dinner in the club, with a band playing music in the background so blase, that hopefully, there will be no requests this week asking who they are! Luckily, for Kyle, Amanda's rehab has going so well, he no longer has the need to build a handicap ramp to the club. Kyle asks Amanda why she was snooping in his footlocker. Amanda admits her guilt, but says she did so because she was worried about Kyle and his nightmares. She tells him she saw the Three Musketeer photo, so Kyle decides to tell her the whole Christine story, the same drawn-out tale we've heard about a dozen times in the past two weeks. Jeesh, why couldn't they have Big Bad Voodoo Daddy on this week instead, so at least there'd be something of interest to listen to? Kyle tells her Christine died in Desert Storm. This works for Amanda. Kyle tells Amanda she's the first one he's told this to. Amanda tells him he must've told Taylor because she was the one who told her. Kyle excuses himself and goes downstairs to the next paragraph. [Kitchen, Kyle's the Restaurant]
Kyle grabs Taylor and asks her how she found out about Christine. Taylor, a brunette, not a blonde, is able to quickly concoct a story, that she intercepted a letter from Christine back when they were first married in Boston. Kyle says that's impossible, since Christine is dead, but Taylor argues that Christine is definitely alive, and she can prove it, because she still has the letter. [MP, Jennifer's Apt]
Billy stops by Jennifer's place to get his car keys back. As soon as Mama Mia sees him, she runs over, thinking he's Craig. "Welcome to the familia," she says, and gives him a big hug. Billy tries to correct her, but can't seem to get a word in edge-wise. Mama Mia invites him in for breakfast, adding "I brought the pastries from New Jersey." Yup, there's nothing better to start the day like two-day old spoiled cannoli from New Jersey. In the background, Jennifer waves to Billy to go along with the charade, so Billy excuses himself and leaves. Mama Mia invites "Craig" to dinner tomorrow night. Jennifer pulls Billy aside and begs for him to be Craig. Billy says no. Jennifer calls Michael to tell him mama wants to see his medical office. Michael tells her to stall and he'll be right over. Michael rushes over with roses for Mama Mia. Then Michael explains to his mom about the arrest, as well as why he can't show her his medical office, doing such a good job lying even Jennifer is impressed. [MP, Amanda's Apt]
Kyle is sitting at the kitchen counter, reading the Christine letter. Amanda hobbles in and comments, "You've been reading that letter all night." That's what happens when you quit school with only an elementary school education and join the Marines. Amanda asks if Christine being alive changes anything between the two of them. Kyle shakes his head no, then gets up and hands her the letter, telling her he doesn't want to see it again, so she can either read it or file it in the circular. Amanda opts to file it. Then Taylor pops in to find out how Amanda's taking the letter. Taylor comments, "There's a return address on that envelope, Santa Fe, New Mexico. Personally, I would do anything in my power to keep Kyle away from the once great love of his life. Especially if I had a disability like you do. But then again, we never did agree on anything, did we?" Taylor, the master of reverse psychology, leaves. Now, here's where I'm a bit confused. If Taylor made up this story about there being a letter from Christine, then is it she was able to get an envelope post-marked from Santa Fe, NM, with an old date on it? Or, am I asking too many questions? [MP Courtyard]
Amanda is sitting poolside, dipping her feet in the pool, which is the closest she's ever gotten to the chlorinated-stuff. Kyle scoots up, takes his shoes off as well as his crusty socks, and dips his toes, too. She tells him she read the letter and thinks he should go to New Mexico. If he doesn't, she feels they're relationship can't go forward. Kyle agrees to go.
[Beach House]
Jennifer gets a call from the policia. He informs her that her car was found up near Santa Barbara. Then he asks if she knew Craig Field. Jennifer smiles and says yes. The detective tells her his body was found in the front seat, an apparent victim of a suicide. "Oh my God. I wonder who did it?" The detective continues, "I left my card with your roommate. If you could come down to the station tomorrow, and you know, I.D. the car, claim the body, it'd be really helpful." Jennifer hangs up, her face pale white, as though she ate one of those Italian treats of her moms, and she runs into the other room. Mama starts to head after her, but Michael stops her, saying he and Jennifer have become very close so he'll go see what's wrong. Michael finds his sister gasping for air in the bedroom, and she tells him of Craig's demise. Michael comforts her, saying "I don't mean any disrespect for the dead, but Craig was scum." [Burns-Blank-Coop Medical Office]
Lexi stops by to finalize the paperwork for purchase of Coop's company. Lexi says she'll drop her Playtex Panty Shield if Coop will agree to drop his Right Guard. He accepts her peace offering. They won't be well-groomed, but at least they'll be friends. She says they should hug to make it official. (Hugging? I think she's got some learning to do about business etiquette.) So they embrace -- just in time for Megan, who's wandering around the waiting room area watering plants, and Peter, who just happens to be sticking his head out -- to see and wonder what's going on. [MP, Amanda's Apt]
Pool Boy makes a rare appearance. Apparently, after Kyle stuck his athlete's foot in the water, the pool needed to be cleaned. The scene quickly cuts to Kyle packing a couple of suitcases for his trip to see Christine. He's packing one for Amanda, one for him. Personally, of the two shots, I think they should've spent more time showing the pool getting cleaned. [MP, Billy and Sam's Apt]
Billy arrives home, only to be greeted by message from Sam on the answering machine. She's still in Palm Springs working with Jeff Baylor. Billy then turns on the TV, only to see Jeff Baylor at some sort of celebrity golf game, where he proceeds to sink a monster putt for birdie. Wow, they weren't kidding when they said this kid is the Tiger Woods of semi-pro! The golf commentator then comments Jeff has also got a birdie in the crowd, as Baylor grabs Sam and puts an arm around her, and as Baylor heads to the next hole, and I mean golf hole, not Sam's. [Kyle's the Restaurant]
Mama Mia, Michael, and Jennifer, show up for dinner. They tell Taylor there will only be three since Craig is probably busy working. Taylor, somewhat confused since she had heard Craig was dead, goes along with the act. As the three Mancinis are about to be seated, mama spots Billy wallowing in alcohol at the bar, and she exclaims, "Wait! There's Craig." They all run over where Jennifer dominates the conversation, asking her honey how work was, and if he sold any heart valves. Billy, upset about Sam and Jeff Baylor, is already toasted. He says, "No heart valve can fix a broken heart." Michael and mama go to the table, and Jennifer informs Billy of Craig's suicide. Billy's comment: "He's dead? I knew he was having problems. Maybe I should've done something. He was a friend... he was my BEST man!" Jennifer has no time for that, she needs Billy to impersonate Craig. She says she'd do anything for him, so he agrees. [Hotel Room, Palm Springs]
Sam and Jeff are sharing a bottle of wine. Jeff tells her she's the only girl he knows that's pretty and can quote baseball stats. There's an uncomfortable silence, causing Sam to figure she should go back to her room for the night. But in the next moment, the guitar music starts wailing, and if there was a tree in the room, Sam and Jeff would be sitting in it, ...k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Sam's mouth actually opens up, receptive and waiting. Add tonsil tennis to Jeff's repertoire of sports. Sam breaks away from the kiss, however, saying she's married, and he's... (she never finishes her sentence). She leaves his hotel room, and once in the hallway, checks for loose fillings. [MP, Courtyard]
Billy, Jennifer, and Mama Mia return home from dinner. Billy starts rambling on about love, marriage, and baseball players. I can never tell whether Billy is supposed to be drunk or is simply acting worse than usual. In this scene, he's supposed to be sloshed. Mia heads up to Jennifer's apt while Jennifer helps Billy/Craig back to his. Jennifer asks Billy for one last favor. She needs him to kiss her, because mama is watching. Now, most young couples try to refrain from the tongue-scene in front of their parents, but with Jennifer's family, the opposite holds true. Billy obliges with a good smacking, and mama, well satisfied, enters into Jennifer's apt. Jennifer thanks Billy for everything. Billy looks at her, then lunges forward and the two go at it one more time, with that same guitar music from the last scene playing again in the background. Jennifer asks what that was all about. Billy realizes he's drunk, and goes inside (...his apartment, that is. We'll have to wait for a later episode to mean Jennifer.) [Santa Fe, New Mexico]
Amanda and Craig drive up to some house in the middle of the night. Fortunately, the big caption at the bottom of the screen tells us it's Santa Fe. Amanda rides with Kyle all the way from Los Angeles, but opts to wait in the car now that they've reached their destination. Kyle heads to the front door alone, and knocks. A woman opens it, but Kyle can only see the silhouette of a woman. She asks, "Kyle?" Kyle, even though he had never seen Christine without a helmet on before, replies with, "Christine?" The woman gasps, "Oh my God!" [To Be Continued... With a 2-Hour Special Next Week] |
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