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Melrose Place
Episode #181 / Season #6
Title: "Kyle of the Desert"
Original Air Date: Monday, January 19, 1998 [MP, Coop's Apt]
Coop awakes after some obviously heavy sexcapades, only to find Megan standing at the bedroom window, peering out into the darkness. As she did last week, she's wearing a very sad face. Knowing Megan, this must mean she is extremely happy right now. Coop asks her what she's thinking about, so Megan tells him she wants to start her relationship with him over again, confessing that she never got to experience the high school dating scene and figures this is finally her chance. Lucky for her, unlucky for Coop. He only knows what this means for him... that he'll be lucky if he can cop a feel these next few episodes. [Wilshire Memorial]
Kyle spends the night in Amanda's hospital room, sleeping on a leather recliner. His body squirms, as he is having a hot, wet dream. We even get to see his fantasy in color rather than black & white, but what a waste of color when we see his dream is of brown sand and more brown sand. Apparently, Kyle's either recalling an incident from Desert Storm or a day at the beach in Santa Monica. The multi-spotted bodies in his dream are actually camouflaged uniforms, not melanoma, signifying it's a dream of his war days in the Gulf. Bombs are bursting here and there, and considering how lame the enemy was, the marines were most likely in the middle of friendly fire. Nick, who even made Gomer Pyle look intelligent, charges out onto the battlefield and proceeds to get himself blown sky high. Kyle has to run out and drag the retard back to safety. I guess this is what Nick was referring to all those times he said he owed Kyle for saving his life. In the next scene in Kyle's dream, we are introduced to a hot female marine named Christine. As she drives towards Kyle in her Jeep, she calls out, "Kyle, stay right there, I'm coming." Seconds later, in one explosive orgasm, her Jeep blows up into smithereens. Is that what they mean by "She's a real bombshell." Amanda, hearing Kyle moaning Christine's name over and over, wakes him up from his sleep. She asks him who Christine is, and he quickly replies he doesn't know and steps out into the hallway for some air. [Burns-Mancini-Coop Medical Office]
Michael arrives at the office just in time to witness Coop giving Megan a beautiful bouquet of flowers, as part of the "dating scene." Michael arrives and heads directly into his office, where he dials the phone number scrawled on a cocktail napkin from The Midnight Strip. [Amber's Pad]
It's 9:35 am. Amber's phone rings. She can't believe Michael is calling her so early in the morning, explaining to him she gets off work at two, and it takes her another hour before she can get to sleep. Considering her walls are covered with tie-dye, as well as posters of the Hansen brothers staring her in the face, it's no wonder she has a hard time getting to sleep. Michael invites her over for dinner, claiming to be as good a cook as he is a doctor. Fortunately for him, she doesn't know his track record at Wilshire Memorial. She accepts his offer and he gives her his address. Since she's only half-awake, he adds "It's in Malibu," ensuring she won't get lost. [Wilshire Memorial]
Peter gives Amanda the lowdown on the seriousness of her injuries, telling her she may never walk again. Excuse me, but isn't this the same dialogue as last week? The next thing you know, Kyle will walk in and Peter will say, "You're a lucky man." Seconds later, someone does appear, only it's the wrong bum... it's Bob, not Kyle. Peter excuses himself and he takes Bob into the hallway. Bob informs Peter that he did such a bang up job on him that he regained his memory, and remembers it was Lexi who hit him. Peter ushers Bob into his new office (the chief-of-staff office, where the sign on the door has an easily changeable nameplate holder) where Peter asks him what he wants. Bob, mistaking the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday as a celebration of some blackmail, says, "Peter I want to break up with you and then I'll give you to Lexi. Otherwise, I'll have to go to the cops and tell them I ran-and-hit her Mercedes." Peter, being the fine doctor that he is, quickly recognizes that Bob's got a bad case of dysLexia. So Peter corrects Bob, saying what Bob really meant was he wants Peter to break up with Lexi and to give her to him. If Peter doesn't, Bob will go to the cops and tell them all about the hit-and-run. Bob says, "Uh, yeah," and then high tails it out of there. [Beach House]
Michael is busy with the can opener and some Chef Boyardee when Amber knocks on the door. Michael invites her in, but she stops just inside the entryway, feeling somewhat awkward. All this time she thought management forbid workers getting involved with customers just in case the customer ended up being psycho, but now she realizes this is the real reason. She takes one look at Michael behind his apron and says, "I think..." then realizing she doesn't know how to think, comments she had better just go. [MP, Kyle's Apt]
Kyle is asleep, this time on his leather sofa, having another Technicolor dream. I'm no doctor, but from what I can conclude, Kyle may just have an aversion to leather, causing his nightmares. In this dream, Nick informs Kyle that Christine is dead, and that she was better off that way than to live her life as a pretzel. Oh, now I see the connection. Kyle probably figures Amanda would be better off dead than to be alive and an invalid all her life. What a selfish bastard! His dream ends as he cries out how he loved Christine, emphasizing he loved her so much. Kyle awakes, and takes a trip to the laundry room, which hasn't been visited by anybody but Sam in the past two seasons. He finds his footlocker, unlocks it, and pulls out some photos of the Three Stooges of the desert, Nick, Kyle, and Christine, dressed in their Desert Storm poo-poo browns. Just then, Taylor peeks in from the top of the stairs. Don't ask me why she just happens to be wandering around in her bathrobe this late at night, in the laundry room of all places, but she is. She watches silently as Kyle continues to browse memorabilia of the "Big One." [Marina Condo]
Bob tries his best come-on line with Lexi, handing her a ceramic mug and saying, "I'm getting pretty good with the coffee machine." Somehow, I think she'd be more interested had he been referring to a vibrator instead. Anyway, Lexi seems to be obsessed with Peter spending his nights at Amanda's bedside. Peter finally arrives home and Lexi blows up, almost as violently as Christine did in the first scene. Peter tells her to stop being so jealous. Then he tells her he just came home to shower and change, and then he's heading back to the hospital (I take it, Peter never showered in the boys' locker room in high school either). Bob clumsily puts his arm around Lexi to comfort her. [Wilshire Memorial]
Taylor pays Amanda a visit at the hospital and asks her if she is going to die, because if she did, it would really change her relationship with Kyle. Then Taylor confesses the real reason she came by was to talk about Kyle's health, saying he's been a walking zombie these past few days. Amanda figures it must be due to the recurring nightmare he's been having about the war. Taylor recalls him having the same thing back when they were married. Amanda asks if he ever cried out the name Christine, causing Taylor to smiles and reply that her name was the only one he'd ever cry out when they were in bed. Amanda starts to get annoyed with Taylor, who senses this and says, "Okay, I'm leaving. Don't have a cow." Amanda rolls her eyes, as if to say, "I wouldn't exactly call it a cow..." Once outside, Taylor wonders who this Christine chick is. [MP, Billy & Sam's Apt]
With Connie gone, there isn't much for the couple to do but fight. Billy tells Sam, compared to him, she's a rookie in the ad business, so she should listen to his ideas regarding the campaign she's working on. Regardless, I think I've seen Sam do more work in the past two months than he's done in the past five years! Sam says to Billy, if he's so good why doesn't he just do all the work and she storms out to the courtyard. Jennifer, dipping her feet in the pool while sipping something from a ceramic mug, sees Sam fly out and comments, "Boy, a fight." Sam wonders if she and Billy are simply spending too much time together (I think that's what they refer to as marriage). Jennifer, who seems to be offering advice to everyone who will listen, says to Sam, "Still, cute as he is, I wouldn't let him out of my sight." Of course, with reasoning like that, it's obvious why she doesn't run an advice column. Sam snorts, "Aw, c'mon," the idea of a loft in Soho sounding more and more appealing every minute. Jennifer continues, "I say you go back in there, Sam. Make up with him. A guy like Billy is," she pauses, finding this last part incredulous, "...one in a million." Well, this is good enough for Sam and she heads back in for a life of heterosexuality. [Wilshire Memorial]
Lexi and Bob go to the hospital. Lexi wants to see for herself whether Peter is spending all his time with Amanda. They go to Amanda's room, where they find Peter setting up a tray with candles and flowers while Amanda's up in physical therapy. Peter admits he's never stopped loving Amanda, causing Lexi to slap him across the face. She leaves. Then Peter says to Bob, "You win, she's yours." When Bob hears that, a big smile isn't the only thing that pops up, and I'm surprised to see that he's able to run out after Lexi as fast as he does. Bob escorts Lexi home. Meanwhile, Coop tries to reconcile his differences with Michael. Coop tries to be gracious, which is infinitely easier when you're the winner rather than loser. He explains to Michael that he and Megan have taken a step back and are "dating," and that he would like to try the same technique with Michael. Michael thanks him but declines the offer. Coop says, "Well, how about a burger then?" Be friends, or eat burgers together, what a choice! Michael spills the beans that he has a new relationship, piquing Coop's interest. [The Midnight Strip]
Oprah Winfrey may have sworn off beef, but that doesn't stop Michael from going to The Midnight Strip for a burger. Is it me, or does this club where Amber works seem to be the only joint in L.A. where the strippers wear control panties. Admittedly, these big undies can easily hold more dollar bills than your average G-string, but c'mon, no wonder there isn't any raucous whooping going on in the background. Michael orders five table dances with Amber. Michael tries the "dating" angle that Coop was talking about earlier, and it works. Amber agrees to go out on a date with him, to a place where she can mingle with Michael's friends, even though she might get embarrassed if they find out her occupation. Michael assures her it'll be just fine, saying "I think it's a fine occupation." Of course, he fails to mention his last wife was a hooker. Coop, having followed Michael from the hospital, watches from the back of the club as Michael enjoys his fur burger. [MP, Laundry Room]
Taylor rifles through Kyle's footlocker, bypassing the lock as if it didn't even exist. She finds some photos, and on the back of one there's a note that reads, "The Three Musketeers - Nick, Kyle, and Christine." Okay, so I said "Stooges." I still think I'm more accurate. [MP Courtyard]
Taylor is swimming laps in the pool, something we haven't in a long time. She asks Kyle what ever happened to Nick. Kyle tells her Nick moved to Dallas. She mentions she needs help at the restaurant, what with him being by Amanda's side so much lately. Kyle tells her the only way she'd be able to hire Nick is over his dead body. The only thing I found interesting was that yet another leopard spot outfit. First, it was Amber's control briefs, now it's Taylor's bikini. As fallout from the Hunter Tylo suit, this must be yet another cost saving measure mandated by Spelling -- making clothes out of Amanda's sheets. [MP, Coop's Apt]
The producers also must've gotten a great deal on ceramic coffee mugs, because everyone seems to be carrying them around in this episode. This time it's Megan's turn, as she brings Coop some morning coffee. I guess she thinks bringing coffee over in the morning is a typical "dating" ritual. This girl is lost. Megan comes over to tell Coop she called him four times at his apartment last night but could only get his answering machine, then called the hospital but they didn't know where he was either, causing all sorts of paranoia to set in. If this is part of the dating scene, then she says she's starting to have second thoughts about the whole thing. I ask, what's so different about how she feels, now that they're "dating," versus when they were in their old relationship? Anyway, she's extremely horny, but according to Hoyle, she shouldn't go all the way on their first date. She kisses Coop and moans, "Ugh, it's only been one day!" Don't worry, Megan, it'll probably be alright to let Coop could get to second base by tonight. [Wilshire Memorial]
Amanda plans to check out of the hospital and check herself into some rehab facility in Salt Lake City. Since her legs aren't working yet, she figures she'll get out of everyone's hair until they do work, or at a minimum, until her baby fat is gone. And if she never gets the feeling back, she says she'll never return. Peter tries to talk her out of it by calling her a coward, but it doesn't work and she decides to go through with her plan. She orders him not to tell Kyle. [Bob's Place]
Lexi stops by Bob's apt to tell him how lonely she is. He tells her he's there for her and loves her, always has. Speaking of burgers, Lexi acts as though she wants a Bob's Big Boy herself, their lips closing in on one another, but Lexi stops short, saying she must come clean first. She admits she was the one that hit him. Bob forgives her, but she says she needs to confess everything to the police, and asks that he to go with her and corroborate her story. Bob says he won't press charges, and then everything will be fine after that. They go. [Upstairs Jazz Club]
Megan and Coop are out on a "date." As they finish their dance, Megan turns and sees Michael arrive with Amber. Since there are no free tables, Michael asks if they could share a table with Megan and Coop. Coop says it would be a pleasure. Then, in the blooper of the week, Coop calls out to a waitress and says, "Champagne all around." Only, there's already four champagne flutes at their table, all filled with bubbly, there before Michael and Amber even have the chance to sit down! Amber tells them she's a dental hygienist, and that she and Michael met while she was cleaning his teeth. Megan grabs Michael and takes him to the dance floor. She tells Michael his date is dressed like a call girl, even though Megan is wearing a see-through, low-cut, black lacy outfit herself. Megan leaves the dance floor and Jennifer grabs him, saying the girl he's with is obviously a brainless bimbo. Michael says that maybe he needs brainless right now. Unfortunately, Amber overhears this and she tells Michael to stay away. She runs out as fast as one can in high heels and a tight mini-skirt. [Marina Condo]
Lexi and Bob arrive home from the police department. Bob is surprised to find Peter still living there. Lexi walks over to Peter's side, and Bob finally realizes he was duped. "But I loved you," he says to Lexi. "I know, I'm sorry I had to use it against you." Peter gives the bum a check for $2000 and they kick him out. Then Peter and Lexi talk about how well their plan went, even the slapping scene at the hospital. Peter admits he was almost convinced Lexi was jealous; she was afraid he still had feelings for Amanda. Peter assures her there's nothing to worry about. [MP, Kyle's Apt]
As with all doctors on this show, patient confidentiality plays little if no role. Peter drops by Kyle's place with Amanda's file, telling him about her plan to slip out to Utah. Before Peter can recommend he hurry to catch her, Kyle runs off. [Wilshire Memorial]
Kyle catches up with Amanda, who can't move too fast considering she's bedridden. While he has her on the gurney, he proposes to her and she says yes. [Marina Condo]
Again, while Peter and Lexi are busy under the sheets, they hear a noise outside. "Must be Bob!" they exclaim. They run downstairs, but are surprised when they find Lexi's father at the front door, who's in L.A. on business. Lexi runs upstairs to change, and while she's away, her father says to Peter, "If you think I'm ever going to like you, you're sorely mistaken." Which just goes to show you, it takes more than having a good profession to win the approval of the in-laws these days. [Wilshire Memorial]
Taylor pays Amanda another visit, to congratulate Amanda on her upcoming nuptials, and to mention the "big nasty" she and Kyle did in Las Vegas while Amanda was busy making a spectacle of herself in Fresno. Amanda says she already knows about the Vegas thing, but it doesn't matter because a person can only have one love of their life, and in Kyle's case, it's her, not Taylor. So Taylor runs out of the room, finds a nearby pay phone, and calls Nick, asking him who Christine was. Nick tells her, she was what Taylor could never be. Taylor asks, "The love of his life?" [The Midnight Strip]
Michael runs into the club and jumps onto the stage, where Amber is performing. The bouncers come over and start trying to pull Michael's appendages from their sockets, while he yells to Amber to let him take care of her. She accepts. He sweeps her up off her feet and carries her out, slo-mo, kind of making me want to start singing, "Love lift us up where we belong..." [To Be Continued...] |
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