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Melrose Place
Episode #179 / Season #6
Title: " To Kill a Whirlybird"
Original Air Date: Monday, January 05, 1998
[MP Courtyard]
It's so dry in L.A., when it rains, the droplets are gone by the time they reach the ground. Kyle goes downstairs amidst the heavy rain-like sounds, carrying his umbrella, gets Taylor, and the two of them head off to Sin City -- that's Sin, not Sim -- to try their luck at the gaming tables in a lame attempt to win back the $25 thousand Kyle "lost" on Christmas Eve.
[Peter's Marina Condo]
Since when does rubbing a woman's shoulder make her feel out of danger? On Melrose Place, of course. As Peter massages Lexi's back, she can't help but gasp "Ooh, you make a girl feel safe." Again, the sound of dry rain is heard in the background, only Lexi is a bit suspicious. The rain in California sounds more like the banging of a gate and she tells Peter to investigate. He runs outside and spots a bum who falls out from the shrubbery. Rather than run away towards the street, the homeless wonder runs towards Peter's backyard where the boat dock is located. Of course, the stranger falls into the water and starts splashing around. Peter and Lexi yell to the man, "Bob!" The bum, thrashing about, manages to take the time to respond, "Bob? I can't even swim!" Lexi yells to Peter, as if wanting him to jump in after the bum. Peter rolls his eyes, thinking, with all that oil and pollution in the Marina, the intruder should float just fine. Reluctantly, Peter dives in. They pull the guy to safety, turn him over, and exclaim in unison, "Bob!" The homeless guy looks at them and shakes his ears, thinking they already yelled that at him.
[Peter's Marina Condo]
The next morning, Peter and Lexi play hosts to Bob the Bum, serving him breakfast. He recounts to Lexi and Peter how things fell apart after getting out of rehab, obviously mimicking the latest Hollywood story told over and over again by Christian Slater, Robert Downey Jr., River Phoenix, and other stars behind bars. Bob tells Lexi he hasn't eaten for days, so of all foods, he asks for more toast! What a bum. Lexi takes his plate to the kitchen, then starts scrunching something with her hands, just out of the camera's view. I've never heard making toast being so noisy in my life.
[Century City]
Michael is front and center with Craig and Coop's lawyers. They twist his glove hand, forcing him to sign over all interests in the glove copyrights as well as his share of the company. Even Jennifer is siding against her brother, causing Michael to blow up with anger. If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was the one with rage epilepsy. Michael reminds them that he's still chief of Wilshire Memorial, and plans to outlaw the use of the glove. He leaves and Jennifer says that she's afraid Michael has the power and the will to make his promise a reality. Coop replies, "Not if he's not the chief-of-staff."
[Amanda Woodward Advertising]
Why the #2 man in the agency needs an assistant is beyond me, since he hasn't worked on a client case since he started at AWA. Today, the three stooges, Sam, Connie, and Billy, are lounging around his office discussing Billy's birthday party plans for that evening. Sam tells Billy he's in for the Samantha Birthday Express. Billy just sits there with that blank stare on his face that only Charles Correll can direct so well. Their donut break is cut one dunk short, however, when Jelly Roll Woodward enters, telling them AWA just partnered with a commercial production company called Activewear Outdoor Stores. She wants Sam to pack her bags and meet her at the Burbank airport at 5 pm for a 2-day trip with the company. Activewear Outdoor Stores wants input on the project, including visuals, Sam's forte. Sam stutters, "Uhh...?" but is cut short when Amanda adds, "Unless you're planning suicide, be there." Obviously, Sam wanted to ask "Why Burbank airport when LAX is so close?" but wasn't given the opportunity, even though Billy thought she wanted to say something about his party scheduled for that evening. Before leaving, Amanda thanks Billy for the birthday invitation but informs him she won't be able to attend. Billy leaves for a meeting. Sam frowns, feeling like ever since the two of them married, nothing's gone right. Connie pulls Sam close and gives her a big hug (Matt-style, if you know what I mean) and promises by the time Sam returns from her trip, everything will be cleared up.
[Wilshire Memorial]
Coop gives Megan a call to tell her he's running late at the hospital so he'll be a little late for their date. But Megan's been thinking and feels like she shouldn't be dating him right now. Meanwhile, Dr. Irene Shulman pulls Michael aside, questioning his memo which prohibits the use of the Mancini Glove at Wilshire Memorial. Michael reminds her of the hospital's slogan: "Don't think. Just do." He also reminds her who's the chief, then leaves. Coop watches from afar.
[Las Vegas]
Scenic shot of "The Strip," where Kyle is hot at the crap table. Unfortunately for him, he's not playing DOWNTOWN. Everybody in the world, except for two people named McBride, know the odds bets are much better there. But Kyle's happy with the single odds they're giving him here. Of course, if he expects to win during this episode, he had better play something more than just the Pass line! They seem to win a couple of rolls when one of the casino managers, Edward Tyler (who sounds and acts like Carlos Ramirez in "The Flying Nun") approaches and offers the dumb-namic duo an upgrade in hotel accomodations, from their measly single to a suite.
[Peter's Marina Condo]
Peter arrives home where Lexi is anxiously waiting. She tells Peter she has an idea that will solve their problem, which I've forgotten by this point. Peter says he knows how to solve their problem and that's by kicking the bum's bum back onto the street. She raises her voice a few decibels above a whisper and says, "Hey, wait. Lithen to me, and don't dithmiss me. If we're going to be together, you better damn well take me seriously. For extra emphasis, she brings her closed fists to her side, standing there like Mr. Clean. Her idea: she wants Bob to be her interior decorator assistant. On top of that, she insists Bob will stay with them until he can afford a place of his own, but no longer than a WEEK! Has all reality evaporated from this show, or is this supposed to be the comic relief? Lexi asks if Peter can live with that. He answers that he doesn't have much choice. She agrees, but adds, with a devilish grin, "I will be very very grateful." The scene ends, but with that last statement of hers, I assume they skipped dinner and went straight to the bedroom.
[Las Vegas]
Kyle counts their winnings and tells Taylor that they are only eight grand shy of getting their stolen $25,000 back. Taylor, meanwhile, is drowning herself in a sea of bubbles, and tries to woo Kyle into joining her in the tub, but the only bubbles he plans to touch are in a champagne glass.
[MP, Billy's and Sam's Apt]
Billy returns home after a night of carousing. His eyes are swimming around in his eye sockets. You may think this is simply normal behavior for him, but it's not -- he's supposed to be drunk. Connie comes out from the bedroom, dressed in another tight, low-cut black outfit. She asks Billy to have one more beer with her. The two of them sit down on the sofa, and Connie slides up alongside Billy and sneaks her arm around him. She's practically sitting in his lap. I don't know whether it was the alcohol, or the way Connie brought that longneck bottle to her lips, but suddenly, Billy decides to lap the beer off her tongue. Surprisingly, she resists his advances, saying she can't believe what he just tried to do. He apologizes and asks her to keep this little incident a between them. She agrees and Billy heads off to sleep.
[Motel in Barstow]
Okay, it's supposed to be in Barstow, but I could swear this motel is the one on PCH in Malibu. But I digress. Sam gets a phone call from Connie, who proceeds to tell her how Billy made a pass at her the night before. "I just don't think he's the guy he seems to be" Connie notes. Sam demands to speak with him, but Connie tells her Billy's out cold. Sam says she'll have to deal with this later because she has to go out on a scout now. I think Boy, Connie thinks Girl (obviously, by the smile on her face), but we're both proved wrong as Amanda comes by to pick Sam up, telling her they are to meet the pilot at a local pancake house, and then go to an airport to have breakfast. Sam is visibly rattled from Connie's news, Amanda can see it and asks what's wrong. Sam finally explains what Billy did. Amanda finds Billy's behavior surprising, but excuses it as something typical of men. For those keeping count, this is turtleneck #1 for Amanda, a nice little black number.
[Wilshire Memorial]
Coop pays Michael a visit at Michael's Chief-of-Staff office. Coop tells Michael he noted how upset Dr. Shulman was the other day, and suggests Michael send her a peace offering, such as a dozen roses. Michael refuses, so Coop says he'll send the flowers in Michael's name. Later, Coop heads over to Dr. Shulman's office under the pretense of needing her to perform a neurological scan on one of his patients. He notices the roses she has in her waste basket, which she says are a pathetic attempt by Michael to manipulate her. Coop offers to help her deal with Michael, but she declines the offer. While she drones on about hospital politics, Coop steals her office notepad.
[Las Vegas]
Kyle and Taylor seemed to have used up what remaining luck they had. Their winning streak at the crap table is over, and the duo starts fighting over the remaining chips. They both fall to the ground, warranting another visit from Carlos Ramirez, only this time it's to tell them to threaten rescinding their suite.
[Burns-Mancini-Coop Medical Office]
Michael is given a note from Irene Shulman's office pad, thanking him for the flowers. He shows the note to Peter, who can't believe Michael would stoop to such lowly tactics. Michael's chief-of-staff returns to attention. Peter thinks Michael loses about 50 IQ points with the loss of each wife and leaves.
[MP, Megan's Apt]
Coop shows up with a couple martini glasses and some gin, to help keep Megan nourished during her period of male avoidance. If the gin doesn't give Megan a headache, I'm sure Coop's sweet talking will. He denies using her to get back at Michael for Kimberly's death, saying he likes her for the way she is. Megan likes sweets, and starts kissing Coop.
[MP, Billy and Sam's Apt ]
A curly-haired woman knocks on Billy's door. She asks for Connie, but Billy informs her that Connie moved out somewhere, but she didn't say where. The mystery woman introduces herself as Charlie. Ahh, so this is what Revlon meant by a Charlie girl! I like it. Billy hears this, and he can't help but smile, even laugh inside. She hands him the number of the motel where she's staying. As she leaves, she turns and asks, "Connie got Sam away from you yet?" Billy answers no. "Good," Charlie says. "Have her give me a call."
[Wilshire Memorial]
Michael tries to make time with Dr. Shulman, thinking she actually sent him that note the other day. She thinks he's nuts. She tries to get away, and Michael interprets her behavior to mean that the present time isn't right for them to meet, and that it would be better if they set up a rendevous for later on.
[Las Vegas]
Kyle tries calling Amanda at her office but they tell her to try her cell phone. Before he can, however, Taylor bursts in, telling him just because they're on the verge of bankruptcy, they shouldn't give up. She can't believe he's crawling back to "the witch" when all Amanda really cares about is herself. Kyle says he threw away all his money, but he won't throw away the only woman he ever cared for. Taylor says she only cares about Kyle, and to prove it, she plans on taking her last $200 and winning back the $25,000. Then she plans on winning the Publisher's Clearinghouse and the California State Lotto. She leaves as Kyle calls Amanda's cell phone.
[Helipad]
Amanda gets a phone call just before she's about to board the helicopter. Between the time she went to get Sam to meeting the pilot at the pancake shop, she managed to change turtlenecks. This time, she's sporting a cream white sweater. Those Motorolas are amazing! Somehow, despite the roar of the prop and the static from the cell phone, Amanda is still able to hear Kyle loud and clear. Kyle admits he made mistakes, and wants to make them right. She tells him it's way too late, she's way busy, as well as fat. She hangs up and hops into the chopper, and she and Sam take off on their scout.
[Amanda Woodward Advertising]
Billy catches Connie in the doorway. He asks if she had a good time away from the apartment last night. She nods her head and apologizes for leaving a note and just leaving. He tells her that he got a visit from Charlie and asks if she wants to talk about it in his office. Despite what Charlie asked Billy just before leaving last night, Billy found himself up all night until he finally figured out that Connie is after his wife. Connie says she's proud to be a lesbian. Of course, that's easy for her to say, AFTER Ellen. Billy tells Connie that Sam will always be straight. Connie replies that she just wants Sam to be with a person she can trust, and that Billy is definitely not that person.
[Burns-Mancini-Coop Medical Office]
Michael shows Peter a second note from Dr. Irene Shulman, saying to meet him in her office at 7 o'clock. Michael is proud that another woman could want him so quickly after another had thrown him out. Peter just shakes his head.
[Las Vegas]
Taylor returns and finds Kyle fast asleep on the bed with a pillow over his head. She goes into the closet and brings out a suitcase full of the money she had stolen from Kyle's desk the other night. Kyle's jarhead never gave a second thought to why Taylor had that second suitcase for a 2-day trip, especially considering the clothes she wears can fit in a fanny pack. Anyway, Taylor carefully positions herself on the bed, standing over Kyle, then starts throwing the money around and yelling, claiming she won the $25,000 back. Kyle is ecstatic and joins in the money throwing. Next, she tells Kyle she wants him to make love to her. Kyle admits Taylor has always amazed him. She rips off her clothes and tells him he ain't seen nothin' yet.
[Wilshire Memorial, Dr. Shulman's Office]
Michael shows up with a bottle of champagne and a couple of glasses. He gropes at Dr. Shulman in a vain attempt to kiss her, but she wards him off by kicking him in the shin. As he keels over in pain, he grabs at her blouse, ripping the sleeve. Just then, Coop bursts into the room and rescues her. He ushers Michael out, offers his sport jacket to her, and offers to be a witness if she decides to bring this incident up with the board of directors. She thanks him, then comments on what a strange coincidence it was that he happened to be in the right spot at the right time. Not to mention, how well his jacket seems to fit her.
[Skies Above Barstow]
For some reason, Amanda and Sam are still flying around even though it's pitch black outside and they can't see a thing. And where are the clients, who are supposed to be flying with them. Well, they couldn't be there so that the excitement of last episode's coming attractions would be heightened. The helicopter suddently develops major internal bleeding. I haven't seen an artery spew this much fluid since the last OR scene at Wilshire Memorial. The chopper comes crashing down into some trees. The next morning, Sam regains conciousness and crawls out of her seat in the helicopter. On the other hand, Amanda is laying on the ground near the crash site, thrown from the aircraft. This is proof why we need a mandatory seatbelt law while flying in a helicopter. Amanda cries out, "Oh, my back hurts." (If she thinks her back hurts now, just wait until the baby gets bigger!) Vince Carley, the pilot, is dead (Big surprise.) Sam tries using Amanda's cell phone, but they are out of range. Barstow is one of the few towns left in the country where rotary phones are still in the majority of homes.
[Las Vegas]
Kyle and Taylor wake up the the news that a helicopter is missing, carrying the pilot, Amanda, and Samantha. Kyle decides to go to Barstow.
[Wilshire Memorial]
The medical board has an emergency meeting to determine whether Michael was out of line fondling Dr. Shulman. She gives her testimony, backed up by Coop. Michael tries to explain that she had been sending him "mash notes" for the past week. Unfortunately for Michael, the notes, which were in his desk drawer, mysteriously disappeared this morning, so he has no proof, other than Peter's testimony. Only Peter says all he was told was that she wanted to have a meeting, not necessarily a tryst. The chairman decides to remove Michael from his Chief-of-Staff position immediately, pending further investigation, as well as possible criminal charges. Dr. Shulman, in an act of leniency, offers to drop any criminal charges as long as Peter gets reinstated as the Chief-of-Staff. Why she would want Peter is rather odd and I have to agree with Michael on this one when he blurts that she hates Peter. It was only a year or so when Peter met with Irene in the women's locker room, wasn't it? Oh well, who am I to question any of this? Michael promises to get even with every single member present in the room.
[Crash Scene]
Well, a whole day has passed and Sam and Amanda are still stranded. Not that there's a lot of land for the Barstow Search and Rescue, but their only helicopter pilot is the same one flying Sam and Amanda, and he isn't too much good as winshield decor. Sam tries to offer Amanda some water when she notices Amanda isn't responding. She calls out Amanda's name about ten or twelve times (I'm glad there wasn't much more time left in this episode, or Sam might have had to say "Amanda?" for a couple more minutes) before she realizes something's wrong. Even though Sam has no clue how to check for a pulse, she determines Amanda is in need for some CPR. First, Sam leans over Amanda's chubby face and starts mouth-to-mouth rescessitation. Watching Sam's lips engulf Amanda's, I now know why Connie is so interested in Billy's wife. After the lip scene, Sam takes her hands and starts performing breast massage. Boy, if Kyle could see just what Sam's getting to do to Amanda at this moment, would he be jealous.
[To Be Continued...]
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